What's this?
by SerketChaos
Summary: Cecilia is a newly appointed Turk and she gets assigned to be partnered with Rude and Reno to see how real partners work together. With her addition however, things start to change between the two partners. What's a girl to do? OCxRENOxRUDE triangle
1. Cecilia

_Hello, it's me. I was recently inspired by god knows what to write a FFVII story about Reno and Rude and an OC of mine. It's rather strange, I'll admit. Mainly because I wrote this at like... 2 am._  
><em>Reno and Rude will be introduced later right now I just want to establish my character.<em>  
><em>And just a little note: I noticed that a lot of Fic's are in past tense so I decided to switch it up a bit and write in present. It's a little bit of a challenge for me, as is writing in girl First POV. Which is weird because I am a girl, but that's not the point.<em>

_Story commence!_

* * *

><p>I walk down the clean halls of the Shinra building holding some files that I'm supposed to hand to a Mr. Tseng. I'm excited because the files are what are going to notify him that Rufus Shinra deems me of all people worthy to be the newest Turk.<p>

The building is large with over sixty floors. Some floors I have access to and some I don't. I'm still not sure which ones those are and so to put it simply, I'm lost. Rufus had told me that my new pass would allow me access to more floors. I'm in doubt about this because it didn't open anything useful… like elevators that say they go to the floor I need to go to.

My legs are sore and I don't know where I'm going so I'm taking a rest. No harm in that. I sit down on a chair and start to flip through the files. They're files about me so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to look at them.

The first page is a brief summary of myself and a picture I don't think is at all flattering. It has my name, height, weight, shoe size, eye and hair colour, measurement of my bust, waist, and hips. It has my birthday, where I live and where I was born. Who my parents are and what they do for a living and then everything they have on me they have on them on pages two and three.

Page four right through to six is the form for terms and conditions that I actually did read and sign. Page seven, eight, and nine were signatures from near everyone in the building for I don't even know what because Mr. Tseng is the only one who matters besides Rufus Shinra and Heidegger.

Page ten and eleven have my finger prints on them. Page twelve has the tests I did and passed on it and every page after that up to page twenty-one are scribbling and notes and comments on how I did. I can't make out all of what they said, so I don't try.

I don't bother to look at the rest. There are about fifty more pages and I don't feel like looking at them all because I'm starting to worry about being so lost and how late I'm going to end up.

Heels click down the hall and look up to see whoever is walking. A lady I haven't seen before walks past me. She has blonde hair, a red dress that looks like it might be a little too tight for her, and heels that look rather inappropriate for such a building. As she passes me I see her look at me. She looks at me like I'm filth. She makes no effort to hide this fact. I swallow hard and get up, continuing my journey to look for Mr. Tseng.

I find I'm shaking after receiving such a withering look from her. She had looked rather important and like she would mean business if I ever did en up meeting her.

I realize then that I do look rather lowly, not that I can help it. I don't have any official Shinra uniform, or clothes that look decently important on, and I'm younger than most of the people here by a good five years. They all know where they need to be while I look like a lost child (which I am).

There's a big number painted on the walls by some elevators (I'd tried them earlier and found out I didn't have the pass to work it) telling me yet again that I'm on the 56th floor. Which is the wrong floor to be on. I'm supposed to be on floor 64 where the Turks are supposed to be. I'm a Turk now, and I should be there but I can't find my way. A lot of people look too intimidating to talk to and I'm sure that if I did even try that they would see me as a low life and not give me the time of day.

I do another sweep of the floor and this time I find a stairwell.

I walk up the flights of stairs as high as they'll let me go. Even though I'm a Turk now, and even though I'm supposed to be stronger than this, I'm tired. The flies are getting heavy and I've been walking around for the past hour? Hour and a half? Two hours? I don't know anymore.

The stairs stop at floor 60 and I'm not complaining. Anything was better than being stuck on the 56th floor that I'm sure I have memorized now.

Right away I can tell that things aren't going to be so easy finding my way around still. There are guards everywhere who look like they mean business. They move everyone else that's here through their security quickly and without delay. It was silent as a grave- save for a few murmurs here and there to confirm identity and allow people through.

"You there," one says looking over at me, "Who're you?

"Me?" I ask, startled, even though I shouldn't be. I'm apart of an elite group. The fifth member at this point as far as I knew. Through our training we were honed to be always on our toes. To always be alert.

"Yes, you. Come here," the man says.

I nod and walk over and show him my badge. He looks over it very carefully and behind his shades I know he's looking intently at both my pass and me. Making sure it's not fake or that I'm not who I say I am.

I remind myself that now I'm a Turk I can't be so cowardly, or let my emotions show too easily. After all once I hand the files to Mr. Tseng and he signs them and I get my partner I'll be in charge of keeping company secrets.

"Miss," came the man's voice. "Everything seems to be in order, proceed through."

"Thank you," I say. For the briefest of moments I see that his face falters, like he's shocked that I said thank you. He recomposes his face quickly and it's like it never happened. I pretend to not have noticed.

I walk through and try the elevator and surprisingly my pass worked. Only up to the 62nd floor, but it was better than nothing.

The doors open into a library looking sort of place. Warm and sort of cozy but—

This building is illogical.

I sigh and start looking around.

* * *

><p>"You're late. Very late, actually. Are you aware of this fact, Miss. Ashwood?"<p>

"I am. I got lost and I didn't ask for directions. I'm sorry, Mr. Tseng," I say, my head low, but never breaking eye contact with the man.

Mr. Tseng is an intimidating man. He's quiet but I know he means business. His office is neat and orderly. Nothing is out of place and it looks like he's dusted recently, too. Everything is very simple, very professional. It's almost unnerving.

"Please," he says, snapping me back, "don't call me 'Mr'. Call me Tseng. In return I hope that you'll allow me to call you Cecilia."

"Of course, sir," I say.

He eyes me and I raise my head. I don't look away. He seems satisfied with my reactions, but it's hard to tell. Like any good Turk his emotions are hidden away. Something I need to practice at.

"Cecilia, I would like for you to wait outside while I look over your files. I call you in when I'm ready."

"Yes, sir."

I walk out of the room and quietly shut the door behind me. There's no need to disturb the man. There's a couch near a window that lets me look out over Midgar and down to the plates all the way to the Mako reactors, so I sit there.

The area here is very quiet also. Papers are being shuffled and I can hear people writing quickly. I find I don't know what to do with myself so I look out the window.

I see the Midgar train make its rounds below. The cities on the plates are bright and alive being powered by the Mako energy that Shinra provides. Below the plates are the slums. I know that but I've never been. They're supposed to be terrible places with no hope of ever getting any better. They're supposed to be smoggy and dirty. Filled with only the lowest of the low scum. I have to say I feel a little guilty looking down on everything. I'm about to be assigned a partner and become a Turk. I'll have a future while those in the slums-

"Cecilia?" comes a voice. "Please, step back into my office."

I nod dumbly and follow Tseng back into his office.

"Before I assign you a partner," he says getting straight to the point as he sits down. He glances up at me standing still and motions for me to sit down. I do. "Before I assign you a partner, I have to make you aware of a few things," he laces his fingers together and looks at me sternly as he says so. Something tells me that I don't need to worry about being scolded.

"Yes, anything, sir."

"As a Turk you guard company secrets at all costs. That means through torture and pressure. You and your partner are going to have to work flawlessly together. Make it so you don't even need words-"

"Not to be rude, Tseng," I say, cutting him off, "I was made fully aware of my duties as a Turk during my training. I was tested just as hard as everyone else and proved my worth."

Tseng lets a small smile tug at the corners of his lips, but he pushes it away. "Good," He says. "I just needed to make sure you were fully aware of the situation you were getting yourself into."

"I am, sir. It's not like I can back out anyway."

The smile tugs at his lips again. "You're very right. I'm glad we put you through."

"Thank you, sir," I say.

"Now, as for your partner…" He shifts through some paper on his desk before looking at me again. "I'm sure you're aware that you're apart of an elite group, am I right?"

"You are."

"Good. Until you joined everyone worked in partners. It keeps you safe and it allows for-" he looks at me and he stops himself as he sees I understand all of this already. "However, because you make our group an odd number, I'm going to assign you two partners. They happen to be the best we have even if they don't look it sometimes," and he laughs to himself. Sort of a little joke to himself, I guess.

"Thank you, sir, but-" this time it's he who cuts me off.

"I'm not assigning you because I think you cannot do the job. You're right, you were trained just like everyone else. However I want you to see how only the best of partners work so that when another is deemed enough to be a Turk you can be assigned to them and teach them how to be a good partner."

"Oh," I say rather stupidly.

"Despite what I just told you the two I have assigned for you are away on a mission in Junon. Instead I have a solo mission for you."

"Already?" I ask.

"Of course," Tseng says, "Aren't you up for it?"

"I am!" I say maybe a bit too boldly.

"Good, here are the files. I'll have a helicopter prepped for you for tomorrow. Be here, in my office at 6 am _sharp_. Understood?"

"Yes, Tseng," I say. I stand to leave but he calls me for one last thing.

"Your uniform," he says handing a fresh one to me. "You'll be needing that. And here's a bag of spares for you. You'll be needing them too."

Placing everything into the bag I thank him once again.

"Cecilia," he calls once last time.

"Yes?" I respond, feeling tired rather suddenly. So much had happened and I just wanted to rest.

"If you're having any doubts on if you'll a good Turk or not. Don't worry. You'll make a fine Turk."

"Thank you, sir," I say one last time before leaving.

I breathe a breath of relief once I feel I'm far enough away. I hadn't even realized I was worrying until he told me not to. How he looked at me told me he was telling the truth and that I really didn't need to worry.

I focus on my next task. Going home and sleeping.

As the elevator takes me down a couple of floors I have a realization.

I need to get out the building first.

I have no idea where to start with that task at all.


	2. Bone Village

Lying on my back, in my bed, in my apartment, I look through the files. It's not anything too hard from the looks of it; in fact it looks rather easy. I'm to be flown to Bone Village and interrogate a man called Dimitri. He's been spreading the word that he knows Shinra secrets. I need to find out if he actually does know something. If I come to believe that he does know something I'm to apprehend him and take him back to Tseng to see how he knows company secrets. If he doesn't I take him in anyway so they can silence him and stop ruining Shinra's name. What I'm really doing is saving time for the higher ups

I don't think about what they'll do to him when I bring him in. I block it out. I don't think of what'll happen to him. I have to remember that it'll be his own fault and there'll be nothing I can do about it. It makes me wonder for a second if I was cut out to be a Turk after all.

With a sigh, sit up and tuck the papers away. From my bed I crawl over to the window, cross my arms on the ledge and look out. Midgar is brighter here than where I lived with my parents. I can hear people out and about still, even though it's late. Midgar's a funny place. Not funny as in 'haha' funny, but more… strange. Something I couldn't put my finger on.

I close my window and decide to get some rest for the day ahead.

* * *

><p>I know that Tseng had told me to be in his office at 6 am, but I'm early. Half an hour early, actually. I'd been worried about getting lost that I'd be late but because next to no one was in the building at this time of the morning it was easier. There were a few secretaries here and there. The security was as tight as ever, but it was easier to find my way this time. I still got a little lost, but it was nowhere near as bad as the day before.<p>

Looking around I see that Tseng has left some papers on his desk. They're neat and orderly, just as they were yesterday. I bite my lower lip. I want to know who my partners will be, and it wouldn't hurt to look would it?

Checking over my shoulder briefly I quietly walk around to the other side of the desk and look at the papers. The first is nothing interesting and the second is the same. On the third I find that Tseng is from Wutai, which I find a little strange considering we were just at war with them. But there's no reason to not trust the man and I'm sure Rufus knew what he was doing when Tseng hired on.

I continue to flip through the files not seeing anything about myself or about another Turk. I saw some notes Tseng had written to remind himself that he has some business with Professor Hojo and to notify Rufus about current Turk affairs. I frown. Nothing looks like it'll tell me who I've been assigned to.

I clean the mess I've made quickly and make sure that everything is how it was before. I stand by the door and I wait for Tseng.

"Oh, Cecilia, you're here already?" comes Tseng's voice.

"Yes," I say, "I wanted to be early."

"Good, good," he says. "This means we can get started early, which is perfect. Alright, follow me."

He leads me out of his office and just from how he holds himself and how he looks that he doesn't think I went through his papers. I know I shouldn't've but I couldn't help it. I decide that I won't do it again. I don't want to get in trouble.

He tells me how to get on and off the helicopter safely because I've never been in one before, wishes me good luck and sends me off.

It's really something to take off in a helicopter. It's surprisingly smooth and to see the land below me move like it did it. It's almost like you're falling upwards away from it. I couldn't help but watch the ground rush by as we flew along to Bone Village. I'd never left Midgar before.

(I haven't done a lot of things)

There's a little village that looks like a quaint little place. Calm and peaceful. I don't have long to look though because we're flying away from that. The next thing I see is the ocean. It's vast and I feel like it's going to swallow me whole. I've never seen anything like it before. My breathing catches for a second as I look on. It stretches out for what looks like forever and ever. I can't stop looking.

"Almost there," my pilot tells me.

"Oh," I say, sort of disappointed that it's ending so quickly. "Thanks," I tell him and just like the guard I'd said thank you to he looked rather shocked that I thanked him. I smile at him briefly, but he refuses to look me in the eye now.

We touch down just outside of Bone Village. It's a little scary getting off a helicopter but I manage. I say thanks to my pilot again and wave as he lifts off. I'll call him when I need him.

The first thing I notice as I get to Bone Village is that the air is clean. I've never breathed in anything like it. I always thought that Midgar was clean, but I guess not. It's crisp and smells fresh. I notice that I don't feel as congested like I must when I'm in Midgar and never realized. It's almost like breathing for the first time.

I walk into the village. It looks to be a sort of excavation site. A small little place and rather out of the way. A perfect spot for hiding away where no one would think of looking. I notice the looks I get. It's my uniform they're looking at. Of course it is. Who doesn't know the Turk uniform?

I have to admit. I rather like it. It fit me nicely and I feel like I'm doing something when I wear it.

The files said Dimitri was held up in the most lavish looking place around and wouldn't be hard to find. I spot it right away. It stood out like a sore thumb. While everything around it are tents and tarps this thing was made from a combination of what looks like dyed mud and bones.

I go up the little rickety ladder that leads up to Dimitri's camp out. I get eyed some more as more people start to notice me, but ignore them and keep on my way. They don't like me, I can tell that much, but they're not going to attack. I can see it. They're not going to attack a Turk. I may not look it, but I'm just as skilled as any of them.

"Hello?" I call walking in. "Dimitri? Are you here?" I pause for a second. I have to choose my words carefully. "I hear you know of something's. They have, how you'd say… caught my interest."

"Has it now?" comes a voice from a fat little man. He's balding but trying to hide it with a terrible comb over. His suit is greasy, dirty, and the most hideous shade of green I've ever seen. He looks the type to be trying to impress, but it's probably to just fool himself. "Who might you be?"

"Claire," I say. I don't trust him with my real name. I flick my eyes over the room looking for anything that could pose an immediate threat, but nothing. I give him a once over too. He looks safe enough.

"And what can I help you with, Claire?" He asks, inviting me to sit across a small table with him.

"Shinra," I tell him. "I've been hearing that you know some secrets about the electric company, and I'm interested."

He leans back in his chair and I don't like how he's looking at me. Like I'm some sort of prize that he can win, like I'm something he can own. I do my best not to frown at him. "Well," he says lazily, "I do know some secrets. I worked hard to get them. I put myself through hell and high water to get them, you know."

"Did you now?" I ask raising my eyebrows up high trying my best to look impressed. "Please, go on."

He licks his lips and I can see a thin film of sweat on him start to form. He's guilty of something. I'm not sure of what yet, but he is. He's either nervous because he's lying to me about what he knows, or he doesn't know if he should share what he knows with me. He looks to me, and I look back, trying to look impressed. Waiting.

"They're top secret these things I know," he says.

I sit up straight and look at him, watching his every move. "Really? Then do tell me," I say, "it mustn't be a problem for you to tell me if you tell near everyone that you know such things."

Dimitri won't look at me now. His eyes are searching for a way out. Any way out. He dosne't like how straight forward I'm being. He's wondering who I am. What I'm doing here, why I'm so intent on hearing these things, he wants to tell the story of how he found out, not the secret. The only thing he hasn't seemed to pick up is my uniform. He doesn't recognize it.

"Come now," I say quickly and he looks at me trying to look composed but failing. I can see right through him. "I'm not going to hurt you," I smile softly, "tell me."

"Are you sure you want to hear? Its grim."

I frown, having lost my patience with the man. He doesn't know anything it was a show. He just wanted to look cool. He'd tell me a story of how he slipped through all of the security, how he'd almost died and I'd be so impressed he could do what ever he wanted without ever telling a so called secret.

I see him watch the change in my face and he realizes I know he doesn't know anything. He realizes that I mean business and that he's in trouble.

He gets up quick throwing the table up with him. I'm fast too. I jump around the table as Dimitri tries to stumble out the back. Taking long strides I leap, grabbing the fat man around his spare tire of a waist. We tumble to the ground head over heels into the dirt. Some people near us look on but they don't move still. I have Dimitri under me, pinned to the ground. We're both breathing hard. Despite my size and weight he knows not to move or I'll slash his throat with the knife I have to his neck.

"I need that helicopter," I say into my hidden earpiece, "I need _now."_

I don't relax but I let out a sigh. I'm lucky this guy was so fat and that it was an easy capture.


	3. Rude

_As a little bonus, I have a portal reference somewhere in this chapter. It's not hard to find._

* * *

><p>"Excellent work, Cecilia," Tseng says. I'm in his office now. I had taken Dimitri back easily. Once he realized who I was and recognized my uniform he didn't fight me in fear f what I would do to him.<p>

"Thank you, Tseng," I say. Gasping a little. The air was thick and muggy in Midgar now that I had breathed in much fresher air.

He gives me a tight-lipped smile. "You were quite right. Dimitri know nothing. He just liked to tell tall tales. It's a shame he chose to make those tales about Shinra."

"Yes."

"Luckily for you, your partners have come in today, so you'll get to meet them." He laughs to himself quietly again. Probably at that same inside joke as before.

The door opens behind me and I check to see who it is.

He's a big man with dark skin. His face is like a stone and gives away no emotion and his eyes are hidden his shades that acts as mirrors on his eyes. He looks the type to very organized, like Tseng. A man who'd like routine. He nods at me and I notice that for a man like him he has something like seven piercing on one ear and just two on the other. His uniform is crisp and new looking but I doubt that he's a new recruit.

"Tseng," he says his voice low and calm, not looking at me now.

"Let me guess," Tseng says sighing, "After the mission Reno went off and now he's bar hopping and you need to find him before you can report on the mission."

The man nods again. Tseng lets out a sigh.

"Alright. Take Cecilia with you. She's your new partner as I mentioned to you before you left. You remember right, Rude?" Tseng asked and receiving a nod. "Good. Get Reno back here quickly, alright?"

Rude nods to Tseng and them motions for me to follow. I do.

"Hello," I say rather timidly. Rude doesn't say anything. He doesn't nod or anything. Just keeps walking. I bite my lower lip. "So, we're partners now." I say. Again I don't get a response.

Rude walks quickly down the halls and unlike myself he knows his way around. I nearly had to jog to keep up. He has to be about 6'3", which is a full foot taller than my own height, and my legs just can't keep up with him.

"Press down, please." He says to me as I slip into the elevator behind him.

I press the down button and the elevator starts to _whirr_ and I feel us start to move down. It's a quick ride. Rude still doesn't speak to me. I don't get the feeling that he dislikes me but it is a little unnerving to have him not speaking a word to me. Looking up to see his face, I can't see his eyes even from this angle. I guess thats why he wears those shades. To hide whatever he's feeling because there's no way he has no emotions.

"Let's go," Rude says moving out of the elevator quickly.

"Who're we looking for?" I ask.

"Reno. My partner."

I go to say something else but I decide against it.

Rude leads me down to the slums, and I stop for a second because of how poor it is down here. It's dirtier than up on the plates for sure. The ground for the most part is dirt or cracked and broken cement with very minimal plant life trying to grow. It looks like it must be decades old. I find I can't breathe down here but everyone else looks like they're just fine.

"Come on," Rude urges a little bit ahead. I follow him.

I've never seen anything like it before. The people of the slums wear rags for clothes and their houses are built haphazardly and they look like they're going to tilt over at any moment. Some aren't even houses! Some people are living in big pipes that they've cleared out and moved into.

I'm painfully aware that everyone is looking at me, or at Rude and I. But I'm looking back just as intently. Why would people ever live down here? Why don't they just move up to the plates?

"Because," Rude says rather suddenly, "they don't have a choice otherwise."

"Sure they do!" I say trotting along a little faster to keep up, "They just need the money."

"They don't have a choice," Rude says again. "It isn't just as simple as getting money. No one has money down here. Shinra makes it so."

I look at him. Trying to understand. He says that like it's nothing. When it_ is_ something. I'd always thought that the people in the slums were in the slums because they were lazy bums who did nothing all day. I can see by looking now though that I was wrong in thinking that. They work quite hard to get what they can. I can see they they don't like us because we're from the plates. Because we're from Shinra; The company that's forcing them to be here.

"Why?" I ask Rude.

"We do what we must because we can," he says. "Shinra is the biggest thing that has ever come to this planet. We gave them a choice-" he stops to look into a bar and I go to follow but quick as anything he's shutting the door and we keep walking. "They chose not to take what Shinra offered, and so they live here now."

"There's no light down here!" I say, and then I realize that there isn't. Or, there is, but there's so little of it that it doesn't matter. The plates block out most of it, and looking up, I can really see how smoggy it is. The sun's setting and the people who live down here won't even get to see it.

"It was their choice," Rude replies, and from the tone of his voice I can tell the conversation is over. I follow him silently.

Rude checks bars quickly. So fast I can't keep up and by the fifth one I learn to not stand directly behind him if I don't want to get trampled on. As I go with him I start to feel that I'm really not cut out to be a Turk.

Rude takes his job very seriously. Something obvious by just looking at the man. His face gives away no emotion at all and he stands with a sort of authority that commands people. I don't have that at all. Now that I'm thinking about it, Tseng had that sort of air to him, too. I start to feel a little put out.

"Why are there so many bars anyway?" I mutter to myself, but loud enough for Rude to hear.

"It takes their minds off their situation," Rude says. He pauses and then says, "Cecilia?"

"Yeah Rude?"

"We need to split up," Rude says looking around and adjusting his shades. I don't know why he's still hearing them now that it's actually quite dark out. "There are six bars in this area."

I nod. "If one of us finds Reno-"

"-Meet back here."

"Wait, Rude, what does Reno look like?" I ask before he can run off.

"You'll know him when you see him," he says and dashes off before can stop him.

I start with the bar closest to me. It has a neon sign that's broken and nearly falling off the building if it could be called that. From the looks of it, it seems to be the most fancy place around. Which seems a little sad to me. I open the door and look around. I get a lot of looks. Some looking at me like I'm a prize. I ignore them.

What gets me is the looks of hate that I get. I can feel it coming off them. They don't even know me and it nearly knocks me off my feet how much I can feel their hate. They aren't afraid to attack me either. They have nothing to lose. What more can Shinra do to them?

No one here looks to be a Turk and so I leave.

I can tells where the bars are because of the noise coming from them. The slums are surprisingly quiet at night. Which makes sense because they don't have anything to do at night here besides go to a bar from the looks of things.

The next bar is down a dark alley. I keep my wits about me as I go.

The next bar looks a little dingy. The first thing I see when I enter is a man fall over and pass out drunk as a skunk. It's a little more rowdy here, but no signs of anyone who could be a Turk. I leave this bar too.

I take another dark alley to get to the next bar and I hear some people behind me. I don't look back. I most certainly do not. I keep walking forward.

The last bar is quiet. I decide to ask the bartender if he's seen Reno around. It might save me some time.

"Hey, girlie," A voice comes from behind me.

"Hello," I say, glancing over at them briefly.

"You're looking fine tonight," another says.

I feel them all closing around me. There are at least three of them. Maybe four. "Please," I tell them, "I'm bust right now. I'm looking for someone, and I really rather you not bother me."

One jumps in front of me and leans in close. I back up a step. "What? We're not good enough for you?" his breath reeks of alcohol. I lean away. "Tch. You're all the same you platers."

I don't say anything.

"You're kinda cute, you know that? What I'd give to fuck you-" his buddies laugh but he's looking at me. I can see the lust in his eyes. I can't bring myself to hit him down. I could do it. If he fought me I could do it, but I can't bring myself to do it. He's from the slums. He has nothing. Absolutely nothing and I can't beat him down.

"You a Shinra dog, too? I'd fuck one just to show 'em what it's like… and you're rather cute…" he breathes. "I know your uniform is from somewhere, Shinra bitch…" he leans in even closer and I have no more room to back up. I swallow a lump in my throat and stare him down. He touches my arm and I snap into action.

I punch him square in the jaw with enough force to send him sprawling on the floor away from me.

"Bitch," he spits.

I'm aware that all eyes are on me. Looking I see looks of hate, ready to jump me because I've started the fight. I see looks of lust from those waiting for me to be pined down so that they can have their way with me-

I'll fight them even if I don't want to. I take my stance-

Then suddenly there an arm sliding around my shoulder pulling me close to their body, a sound of something electric being turned on, and the person's saying, "Bring it."


	4. Reno

There's a flash of red hair in front of my eyes and I don't know what to think for a second.

And it's just like Rude said. It's Reno. I've never seen him before but here he is. I look at him for a long second. His eyes are sharp and ready to fight. He's grinning in a way that's unnerving even to me. He smells faintly of booze and his uniform is rumpled and not at all in order so he must have been drinking quite a fair bit but he looks rather sober. He's tapping what looks like some sort of Electro-Mag Rod on his shoulder menacingly.

And Reno's leaping forward at the people who were surrounding me, knocking them down and stunning them. His messy and fiery red hair shines out like a beacon. He looks almost like he's enjoying beating these people down.

Suddenly other people get up and they surround us both. Their blood is boiling hot with anger and they're going to fight. There's no choice but for me to fight them now. I can hear the bartender yelling at us to stop, that we're destroying his bar, but these guys won't let up so I can't either-

I punch one right in the gut, knocking the air right out of him and another right here in front of me about to hit me in the face- I duck. I'm faster than he is. I crack him in the jaw with an upper cut. He's sent sprawling back. The one I'd winded is on me again and I mange to kick him in the shoulder and a solid hit to the side of the head knocks him into the bar stools beside me. He falls to the floor out cold.

"Hey, you're stronger than you look, yo," Reno calls nailing a guy in the head with his weapon. He moves quickly and without hesitation.

"Fucking bitch!" I hear behind me. Turning around I grab his shirt and slam him into a wall. I hear a loud smack as he hits his head and falls to the ground.

There are so many of them. I realize how many of them there actually are. There's at least eight people on the floor. There's at least another six calling us, "Shinra dogs!" and "Soulless Turks."

I step back just in time to just avoid getting clipped in the face with someone's boot. I take another step back as he rounds with a punch stopping short of getting me in the nose. I keep stepping back, I can't find an opening and I feel my back press up against a wall. The boot comes at my face and I turn away shutting my eyes waiting for the hit.

It never comes.

Instead there's a scream of pain and anguish and I hear something snap and a body slump to the floor. I crack an eye open to see the man who was attacking me on the ground holding his broken leg. It's bent in a way that hard to look at-

"Watch your back, yo," Reno says. He must've taken out the guy on the floor and everyone else. And then just behind his head-

"Reno!" I yell, grabbing his jacket and throwing him to the floor-

Something hard and blunt collides with the left of my head sending me sprawling to the ground. I can feel the blood coming out of my head and running down into my eye. I have to squint it shut.

Past my pounding head I hear Reno get up. "You bastard!" he yells. There's a scream as I hear Reno's weapon get jabbed into the man. There's silence for a second.

I can hear the bartender spewing out profanities at how we've wrecked his bar. But I just want him to _shut up_ because my head really hurts and he's not helping it. I close my eyes tightly hoping that it might take away the throbbing in my head.

"Hey," Reno says above me. I look up through one eye because my other still has to be held shut. His hand is out for me and I take it. "You alright, yo?" He asks once I'm on two feet.

"A little woozy," I tell him, "but I'm alright."

"You owe me, yo."

"What?" I ask touching my head lightly where the blood is seeping. Nothing too bad it seems. I'm just bleeding is all. Reno's looking a little roughed up too.

"This was my next bar stop and when I come in, you know what I find? You surrounded by a buncha drunken horn dogs. Next thing I know you're cracking one good and hard in the side of the head and what am I to do?" he frowns. "You gave me something to do, I'll hand you that, but you owe me a trip to the bar."

"Alright…?" I say wiping my now bloody hand on my uniform because there's nothing else I can do.

"Where's Rude?"

"Oh!" I gasp, "I'd forgotten! Come with me! Tseng wants a report from you both!"

Reno mutters something I don't quite hear. Something about Tseng always thinking about work and never loosening up.

My head still hurts and everything isn't quite what it should be so I have to walk and it's slower than what I want to go at, but nothing can be done. Reno doesn't complain, which makes me feel a little better. As I turn the last corner I see Rude standing under a streetlight, his arms crossed in a way that tells me he's not happy. I'm not sure though, his face gives away nothing.

"Rude!" Reno calls. "Sorry to have kept you waiting!" He walks over and claps the taller man on the shoulder.

Rude doesn't say anything but his head turns a little. Somehow Reno knows exactly what this means and says, "Don't worry about me, yo. This is nothing. Have you seen Cecilia?" Reno jerks a thumb over his shoulder at me. Rude looks and again Reno knows what he's saying, "She got into a bar fight, yo. I saved her ass and now she owes me a trip to the bar."

"I saved you from getting hit in the head." I say. "Don't forget that part. That's how I ended up like this." I squeeze my eyes for a second willing my head to stop pounding.

Reno looks over and grins. "You did," he agrees. "For what looks to be a living doll she can handle her self pretty well, yo," he tells Rude before looking back to me. "I'll let you off the hook this time, yo. You took one for me, so I guess I can skip drinking tonight and fill out that report."

"Skip?" Rude says. "Don't you mean _stop_?"

Reno shrugs, "Same thing, yo. I didn't get enough to drink enough either way."

They let me set the pace. My head isn't bleeding anymore, but the blood is all hardened on my face so I have to keep my eye shut still. My head is still throbbing and my body is starting to ache now from hitting the floor with the force that I did.

Reno walks casually between Rude and I with his hands behind his head. He talks enough for Rude, himself, and me. He doesn't seem to mind the looks of hatred we get as walk back through the slums to get to the plates. I get some smug looks as they see my eye squinted shut from the blood. Reno doesn't notice that either.

He's strange, Reno. Just from looking at him I can see he's lazy and laid-back. In that bar though, he fought like he enjoyed it. It looked sadistic. And the even stranger thing is someone as loud and boisterous as Reno got along with Rude who was the equivalent of a rock from what I was getting.

Without Rude even saying anything Reno seems to know what he was silently saying and would carry on a whole conversation. I guess that was what Tseng meant when he said I should be able to work with my partners so well I wouldn't need words.

I feel stupid walking into the Shinra building with blood smeared down my uniform, my eye now held shut by the blood and I can't open it even if I want to. Reno was banged up a little but doesn't seem bothered by it and Rude is scott free.

We walk all the way back up to the Turk's floor in the Shinra building. The routes getting familiar now. Tseng is waiting for us when we enter his office. He doesn't say anything about Reno causing us problems, just gives him a look, one I'm thinking he's gotten many times before. Reno rolls his eyes waves Tseng off and goes with Rude to fill out their reports on both what happened on their mission and what happened in the bar. I have a feeling I'm going to be scolded for that one.

"Cecilia," Tseng says, "are you alright?"

"Fine," I say.

"I want you to go to the infirmary just so they can clean and patch you up. Its on the floor just below us and to the right. You can't miss it."

I walk out of the office past Reno and Rude filling out their reports. Or I should say as Reno half fills out every page and Rude does the rest. Rude nods at me, and Reno gives me a half wave.

I manage to find the infirmary within a reasonable amount of time. It's blindly white and fairly large. I see big windows by the sick beds that see out over all of Midgar.

The nurse looks at me, doesn't even flinch when I walk in. Immediately she sits me down on a bed and starts to check my head out. Which starts my bleeding again. She only sighs gets out some sort of liquid and presses it into my wound. I can't help but hiss.

"How'd you get in such a state, dear?" She asks as she starts to wrap my head in thick gauze that feels quite.

"Bar fight," I say.

She pressed her lips together into a thin line. "Someone hit you?"

"They were aiming for Reno. I moved him out of the way and got hit instead."

The nurse smiles softly and moves to cleaning up my eye. It feels good to finally be able to open it.

The door to the infirmary opens and Reno walks in. "Cecilia," he says shoving his hands in his pockets. "I gotta say, yo, for your first day on the job you really stood up for yourself. You even took a blow to the head for me. I'm impressed."

"Well, yeah," I say looking over, only to the nurse pull my chin so I'm looking at her again so she can finish with my eye. "I had to."

I smile and he walks over. "You sure you're head's alright, yo? You were hit really hard," he frowns.

"She'll be fine." The nurse says finishing my eye. "She just needs to rest and watch her head. It's tender still."

He waves the nurse off almost like he doesn't think she knows anything.

"I'm fine," I tell him.

"Good, yo. I can't have my newest partner who can actually handle herself getting herself put outta work so early," he grins.

Reno is a strange man, I decide. I also decide that he must have a thousand and one different grins.


	5. The Laugh She'll Never Stop Hearing

_My next update will probably just be an edit of this chapter. I'm not too happy with the end fight chase thing. I usually write these chapters in a day and they're all riddled with errors. I'll fix all that tomorrow and post another chapter the next day maybe._

* * *

><p>"Understood?" Tseng asks.<p>

"Yes, sir!" Reno, Rude and I chorus.

"Good. On your way then. I've got a chopper ready for you."

We move quickly to the helipad. I feel a little silly because I've still got gauze wrapped around my head and Reno's been healed up since yesterday and-

"The nurse says you have to keep it on," Rude reminds me.

"I know," I mutter.

We jump into the helicopter and I'm surprised to see Reno take the pilots seat. Rude takes the one beside him. I sit in the back, which is fine by me because I'd probably crash the chopper. I'm still amazed when we take off to see Midgar get so small below us and the land rush past.

"Don't stick your head too far out," Reno says, "you might fall out."

I gasp and sit back in place. Reno laughs. I frown.

We fly over to Gongaga where we're to post a stakeout. A prominent Shinra investor reported his daughter went missing about a week ago. He tried looking for her everywhere but then decided to seek help from the Turks.

Tseng and a Turk I've never met before named Elena found the daughter to be with a man who seemed to be hiding in Gongaga. They handed the mission over to us. To keep our investor happy we're to get the child back and assassinate the man.

Reno lands us on a hill top that over looks the exploded Mako Reactor. It's a good spot that he's picked because although we an see everything they can't see us or the chopper. Rude throws us some binoculars and we wait.

Right away I can tell Reno hates stakeouts. He won't sit still and he's talking even more. Reno usually talks a lot but he's speaking a mile a minute and I can barley keep up. He doesn't even care that we're not responding. He'll ask a question and then answer it himself and keep right on talking.

I don't find it too bad. It hurts to squat for too long and I have to shift around but other than that I don't find it too terrible to be doing. Rude crouches and looks intently through his binoculars never moving. Like a rock.

"Anyway, all I'm saying is maybe people should keep better eyes on their kids so that we're not stuck being baby sitters, yo," Reno says as if I've been listening the whole time.

"I really don't think we're baby sitters, Reno," I say moving to sit and crossing my legs.

"Then what are we, yo?"

"We're…" I start but don't know how to finish.

"We're stopping a dangerous man from harming a child and protecting Shinra," Rude says not looking up from his binoculars. "We're Turks, Reno. We do what we're told and we don't question it."

"I know what being a Turk means, yo," Reno says. "And I'm not questioning it. I just don't want to be some brats baby sitter."

"Kids aren't that bad," I say.

Reno scoffs and goes to say something but Rude cuts him off, "While you guys were not watching for our suspect, I spotted him."

Reno jumps over right between Rude and I. He crouches and uses Rude for balance. Instead of using his own pair of binoculars he takes Rude's and looks to the exploded reactor before. He grins.

I look through my own. It takes me a second to find the reactor. Twisted black metals strewn everywhere. Large pillars and beams broken and sticking out of the ground at awkward angles. I swallow looking at it. Midgar has eight of those reactors and if one blowing up did this amount of damage…

"There he is!" Reno says, and I see him too.

A tall gaunt looking man in a ratty lab coat. He looks anxious and fidgety. "Is that him?" I ask.

"It would seem so," Rude says.

"Wait!" Reno says, "Watch him!"

The man checks over his shoulder constantly but he's moving into the wreckage and behind a pillar and I can't see him. He doesn't appear on the other side.

Without saying anything all three of us jump up and leave our post. Reno and Rude, Reno the fastest- fast like I've never seen before (though Rude dosen't seems phased by this but it's hard to tell)- in front of me. The hill is steep and rocky. Trees are in my path in the most awkwardly placed spots they could possibly be.

Reno runs ahead and goes to where we last saw the man disappear. Rude and I catch up a few moments later but there's nothing to be found. Just the twisted remnants of the reactor.

Reno and Rude start look in the area without saying a word so I start to look as well.

I take a step and pause. I look down to where I've just stepped and the floor is different here. I crouch door to get a closer look and I tap at it. It seems like there's something behind it.

"Quit wasting time, yo!" Reno calls to me.

I frown and ignore him. It's about in the place where the man disappeared and I bet if I just-

I pull on the tile and sure enough it moves. I pull harder and the tile comes off cleanly. There's a small hole with a old looking ladder that leads down right into darkness.

"Reno! Rude! Come here, quickly!" I call.

Reno doesn't say anything and starts down the ladder, Rude nods at me to go and he's right after me. I can hear Reno a little bit ahead of me and I make room for Rude to squeeze in behind me.

I can't see two feet in front of me and it sounds like we're on some sort of catwalk that's suspended over a hole that just drops straight down forever and ever into nothing.

Sprinting quietly Reno leads as Rude and I follow. The catwalk goes on for what feel like forever before Reno stops. I crash into him not expecting it.

"Sorry," I breathe.

"The path splits here, yo," Reno says not even noticing I've run into him. "Rude, why don't you take Cecilia with you? I'll go left, and you two go right." Rude doesn't say anything but as always Reno understands and takes off to the left.

"Go," Rude says behind me. I take off sprinting as quietly as I can down the catwalk. My eyes are adjusting to the dark finally and I can sort of see. As I do I can see that there isn't anything below us. Just a pit.

"Mako," Rude says.

"Right," I say.

I manage to stop myself before I hit the door that's in front of me. I turn the large wheel on it. The door creaks loudly as I open the heavy door but there isn't anything I can do about that.

Walking through the door I realize that we're no longer on a catwalk. There's a solid feeling floor beneath my feet that echo's every time Rude or I takes a step. It's a long passage with nothing to it. Metal walls surround us and I can feel that there's a gentle slope downwards. I wonder how deep it goes?

"There's a door here," I say as my fingers brush over something that feel like a hinge.

"Let me," Rude says and I move back for him. I notice he's still wearing the shades. I wonder if he can even see in so much darkness.

Rude open the door and pulls out a gun so fast it's like it was always in his hand and not his hidden holster. He checks the room, but deems there nothing. We walk again.

I'm beginning to understand Rude's silence. Or, it's not as unnerving as it was before. I don't feel as if it's going to swallow me whole anymore. Just as Reno's a man of many grins and expressions, Rude is a man of different types of silence I decide.

There are other doors as we go on. I'm not as quick to draw my gun as Rude is but there hasn't been any need for it just yet. What I'm find about all the room though is that they look like they've been occupied just recently. Some look like a child's room while others look like a office.

"Nothing," I say trying to work a computer in one of the rooms.

"Keep moving," Rude says. "We can't risk the man getting away."

"I know."

"Stop," Rude says suddenly and I do. He's quiet in a way that I know means that I'm not supposed to speak. He squeezes past me and looks at me through the darkness. "I want you to go get Reno and then come right back here," he says. "Our man is just up ahead. I want Reno backing us before we do anything."

"Understood," I say and I run back the other direction.

The hall's longer than I remember and once I get to the path that Reno's gone down I see that there's a lot of open doors. Ones I'm guessing that he's opened already and has left open so he knows that they've been checked. I walk down the hall quickly calling his name only as loud as I dare to.

"Cecilia?" comes Reno's voice suddenly from my right. "What's wrong?" and he's instantly beside me. "Where's Rude? Has something happened to him? Take me to him."

"Rude's okay," I assure him and I see his shoulder relax. "Rude says that he wants your backing before we do anything. He says our man is down our hall."

"Well then he must be, yo."

Together we run back to Rude. I find that if I push myself I can run right on Reno's heels. It's shocking- the speed he could move at in the blink of a eye. I don't think I'll get used to it

"Rude," Reno hisses into the darkness where I left him. Rude appears from his spot and in just a few short seconds and with nearly no words or actions they've formulated an attack and what to do if it fails.

"Cecilia come with me," Reno urges and Rude leaves us.

There's a ladder I hadn't seen that Reno goes up at his usual lightning pace. He pulls out a vent and crawls into the tight space that Rude would have never fit through. I follow him. I don't know how they've figured all this out but I don't question it.

"Listen to me Cecilia," Reno says once we get through the duct. We're in a tiny little room that looks like it would have only been used for repairs. There's a little grate in the floor that lets us see right into the room below. There's a light on, but I can't see anything right now. "This is an assassination mission. Pretty heavy stuff for such a rookie, can you handle it, yo?"

I swallow but answer his question the only way I know how. "I'll have to. I'm a Turk."

Reno laughs quietly. "Good answer, yo."

I look through the grate trying to see the man from earlier or the kid. And then I see what's in the room-

"Reno-" I start.

"What?" He drawls, "We just need to wait for Rude's signal and-"

"No, Reno, there's armed guards in there. What if they hurt the kid."

"We won't let 'em." Reno says dismissing me.

We wait a few more minutes in silence. Reno's a little antsy but keeps his mouth shut which is a rare feat. I watch through the vent. There looks to be about six guards, the gaunt looking man rom before and I don't see the kid but I'm guessing she's in there somewhere too.

There's a faint tapping noise and Reno gets up. "That's our cue," he says and lifts the grate up and quickly slides through the opening. I'm right behind him and I can hear the guards yell in surprise.

"The girl!" Reno calls knocking the first guy he sees with his EMR and I start looking.

They're expecting a gun but I have my flick blade. I move in close to a guard cutting him, shocking him- delaying him- I knock him out. Another is aiming right for my head but before he can pull the trigger Rude appears from behind him and knocks him out.

The room is actually rather large now that I'm in it. And I'm seeing that there are a lot more than six armed guards. I keep low and away from the guards who're all trying to fight Reno and Rude. I don't see the girl.

"Cecilia," Rude says and I know he's telling me to hurry.

"It's getting hot, yo!" Reno says loudly.

I see man from earlier run for a door in the back and I follow him. I purposely let him get a little head so that he can lead me to the girl because she isn't in the other room. It's a false room. I'm sure it had been designed to trap us.

He opens a door on my right and there's a light coming from it. I can hear a young voice from inside. I run faster trying to cover the ground I let him have.

I reach for my gun. I don't have one foot in the door and I get knocked in the head again. Right in the same spot as before. Everything goes bright for a second and I hit the floor hard. I land in a heap. I shut my eyes tight. and I hear a gun being cocked above my head.

Digging my feet into the ground I push forward, leaping at the guard, knocking into his knees. I hear the gun fall and slide across the floor. I punch him in the head. He isn't quite knocked out and I go to hit him again not trusting that I'll be fast enough to get my gun-

Reno and Rude come into the room and it distracts me just long enough for the guard to get up and pin me to the floor. He's bigger than me in every way. I can't get him off me.

"Cecilia!" Reno calls.

"I wouldn't do that," another voice says. Must be the gaunt man, but I can't see. "I'll have them both killed."

I hear Reno growl darkly. Then I can almost feel the briefest of glances exchanged between Reno and Rude. I see Reno's EMR, buzzing as it comes down and hit the guard holding me down in the head. His blood splatters over me, wetting my face and smearing over my uniform. At the same time I hear Rude move quickly and punch the kidnapper in the face. The two partners moving so fast and so perfectly with each other that there was no way anyone could have defended themselves.

I scramble to my feet. In the corner of the room I see a small girl huddling in fear.

Reno and Rude move towards the man. He's yelling "No! No! Don't kill me!"

"Hey," I say quietly to the little girl. "It's alright. We're here to help."

The girl looks at me and scrambled into my arms despite the fact I'm covered in blood and look a mess. She hugs me tight and I squeeze back. I have to let her know everything's alright.

Picking her up I walk over to Reno and Rude I see Reno with the gun in his hand pointed at the man. Not trembling. A sadistic grin on his face. The man is terrified. Rude adjusts his shades, making no move to look away. Reno's grin gets bigger.

"No," the man says.

"You make me sick, yo." Reno says.

The girl and I let out a gasp. I turn away so that neither the girl or I has to see but there's no way I can't not hear it.

The gun shot.

The sound of the man's cut off scream.

I look back to Reno and Rude. Both covered in the man's blood. I don't look at the body. I don't let the girl see either. They're not phased. And I can't not hear it.

The chuckle that comes from Reno as he looks on at what he's done.


	6. Paperwork and Clubbing

_So, as with all my stories on this site..._  
><em>This doesn't really have a plot. Well, it DOES. I just don't have it fully filled in. I have several different endings in mind, but I'm not sure which I should go with. It would really help me if you told me how you want the story to end to help me in my decision.<em>  
><em>And I go through writing phases... this is one of them. I'll do my best to finish the story but I have no promises for you. <em>

_I'm also thinking that maybe I could post some links to photobucket here where I'll have some drawings of mine of how I see certain scenes would any of you be interested in that?_

* * *

><p>We go back to Shinra headquarters. Covering each of us are streaks, smears and specks of blood. Tseng takes the girl from me. She had fallen asleep in my arms on the chopper ride back. Then he sends me to the infirmary again for my head.<p>

The nurse deems be better enough-despite the second blow to my head- to remove my wrappings. My head's a little tender still so I have to be careful with it and not hit, or get hit, again but the nurse tells me that I should fine with in a few days.

I sit down at my desk back on the Turks floor. It's new and clean. The wood it's made from is a light sandy brown, and made so it's impossible to get splinters from. I have my own chair with wheels and an in and out box.

After every mission there's paper work to be done. Reno and Rude behind me and to the left were already started on their reports. Rude was doing his quickly while Reno looked to be asleep at his desk. The reports aren't too bad to fill out. A little time consuming but they're no big deal.

"I'm bored, yo," Reno declares as he comes over to my desk.

"Do your report then," I tell him. "You have to do it anyway."

With a wave of his hand Reno dismisses what I'd just said. "Come drinking with us tonight."

I blink.

"Yeah, with me and Rude, yo. Celebrate a job well for our first time out together."

"Well…"

"I won't take no for an answer."

"He just wants to go drinking," Rude says quietly.

Reno frowns. "Yeah, and it's your turn to buy anyway Rude."

"I thought she owed you one."

"She does," Reno says and he looks back down to me. "I haven't forgotten," he says before talking to Rude again. "And why would I let you off the hook for buying when she owes me, yo?" It's silent and I can only guess that Rude is ignoring Reno now, but Reno proves me wrong. "Yeah, well, we're going out tonight whether either of you want to or not. Rude's treat, too, yo." Reno proceeds to saunter away. leaving it at that.

Rude and I sigh.

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><p>Reno collects us after we've both done our reports. Or, after I did mine, and Rude did both his and Reno's. We walk out of the Shinra building and Reno decides he wants to go to the slums and drink. Rude doesn't say anything.<p>

As soon as we're fully under the plates and in the slums I feel like I can't breathe again. I can't understand how everyone else does it but I feel that I have a million cotton balls being shoved down my throat right into my lungs.

"No bar fights this time, Cecilia," Reno kids.

"Same goes for you, Reno," Rude says. I snicker.

We get the same hatful stares as we walk through the slums, but I'm getting used to them. I don't like them, but I'm not totally away of them shooting daggers at me with their eyes anymore.

Even though Reno had declared that was Rude's turn-and for some reason Rude went along with it-Reno wasn't letting Rude pick the bar we went to. Reno seems to already have bar in mind and he's walking a little bit ahead his arms crossed behind his head.

I wonder for a second if he's really not fazed by killing that man earlier.

I can't stop hearing it. How Reno laughed and Rude's silence. Neither of them fazed and Reno looking like he _enjoyed_ it more than anything.

"There it is!" Reno cries suddenly, walking a bit faster to probably what is the brightest and loudest building in all of the slums. It has bright signs all over the place advertising their latest booze. There's a deep bass beat coming from what has to be a club.

"I thought you wanted to go drinking," Rude says.

"I changed my mind, yo."

"So it seems."

The first thing I notice is that the beat of the club goes right in my heart nearly knocking the wind out of me. After that I realize that it's sort of hard to see with all the lights dimmed and being different colours.

Reno quickly grabbed us three seats at the bar. He orders his drink in a flash and I'm surprised that the bartender can hear Rude's order over the loud music blaring.

"What're you getting?" Reno asks.

"Uh,"

His eyebrows shoot up and I don't look at him. Reno lets out a low whistle and then orders me a drink himself.

"I hope you're not racking up Rude's tab too much,"

"He's used to it, yo," Reno says with a wave. I look to Rude but he doesn't say anything. "Hey, Cecilia, watch your drink," and he points over to the bartender who then lights part of my drink on fire. After a few moments the flame dies and the bartender finishes with my drink and hands it to me.

"What is this?" I ask looking at it.

"You'll like it," he says.

It smells just like coffee. And I don't think that Reno would be out to hurt me, but I find it a little concerning that my drink was lit on fire for a minute or two just now. Reno downs his all at once and grins wickedly.

"Now, I mean it this time, yo. Watch your drink." And he leaves getting swallowed by the dancing crowd instantly. No one seems to notice, or seems to care about our uniforms.

Rude and I don't move from our spots. I have a lot of men around me trying to hit on me because my drink being on fire caught their attention. I keep a hand over my drink, just in case.

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself," I say to Rude.

"…Things could be better," he says.

I frown. "If Reno's making you pay why didn't you say 'no' to coming here?"

Rude's quiet for a moment and he adjusts his shades. "Reno likes it here," he says finally. He looks over his shoulder for a second and I follow his gaze.

Reno is dancing-rather well; surprisingly-and there's a woman and a man hanging off him. It looks as if he's-

"He'll try and take them both home, if that's what you're wondering." Rude says, adjusting his glasses. And for a brief second so fast I think I didn't see it (but I did) Rude looks uncomfortable, and not from the club.

"So Reno's-" I start.

"Reno doesn't care who its with as long as it feels good," Rude says. "I've been around him long enough to know." and there it is again, this fleeting look across Rude's face.

"Rud-"

"Move it, yo," I jump at the sound of Reno's voice so close behind me. He pushes some of the people who were lurking around me away. He calls the bartender over and downs another drink. "You two are boring," Reno mutters.

"We didn't know we were going to go clubbing," I say.

Reno rolls his eyes and I can see that he starting to get a little drunk. "Doesn't matter, yo. What matters now is that we all get wasted and have some fun!"

I don't say anything, and Rude just adjusts his shades. Reno frowns. "Fine, I'll have fun and you two can sit here," he orders yet another drink and takes it with him as he leaves.

"Don't mind him Cecilia," Rude says.

Rude sits quietly, every now and again checking over his shoulder for his partner. I watch him. I have a feeling that there's something strange in how he's acting. Not a bad strange. It's just something I'm not used to I guess. Rude lets the smallest of frowns pass over his face. If I hadn't been looking for it I would never had seen it.

I look back over my shoulder to Reno who has one arm slung around a man. He's talking a a woman who is obviously intrigued by him. Even I have to admit, even in this setting Reno stands out.

Rude isn't looking any longer. I don't look either.

The night goes on like that. Reno coming over, trying to get both of us to dance and bringing people over and then getting getting ticked off that we don't want to do anything. Truth be told, I would have loved to go clubbing with Reno if he had told me in advance and I had some time to clean myself up.

Rude excuses himself sometime later and leaves saying that he'll be back in a minute.

"Hey, girl," comes a voice. "I could treat you to a real good time if you just come with me back to my place tonight."

"I'm not interested," I tell the man, not even looking at him.

"Don't be like that, baby," he says, "I'm a real nice guy, you know."

"I'm sure,"

He grabs my arm, jerking me to look at him in the eyes. It takes everything in me to not act on what every nerve in my body is telling me to do- punch him in the face. I frown. He doesn't seem to care, his grip tightens enough that it starts to hurt.

"Ow," I hiss.

"I ain't making a request no more," he breathes and the alcohol on his breath nearly makes me gag. "You're coming with me." I try to pull my arm away but he's not moving and his grip is really starting to hurt. I don't want to start another bar fight so I don't touch him. "Did you hear me-"

"Didn't you hear _her_?" Reno says appearing suddenly, grabbing the man by the collar of his shirt and throwing him to the ground. "She said she wasn't interested." The man looks at Reno and goes to say something but even I can see that Reno's drunk and I wouldn't put it past him to beat this man to a pulp just because.

(And I'm hearing it still-)

(I can't stop hearing that laugh-)

(Is that what being a Turk does to you?)

(What it'll do to me?)

"Cecilia?" Reno asks and I look at him. "You alright?"

"Yeah," I say.

"It's late."

"It is."

And I'm suddenly aware of how close he is to me. I'm not used to this kind of nearness. I swallow the lump in my throat. I can feel him looking at me.

"You look just like a doll," Reno says and his face is level with mine. He's close and getting closer. I can smell the booze on his breath as well. There's nowhere for me to move I can't stop him. Reno's so close.

"Reno," I gasp. I can almost feel his lips brushing against mine. His eyes widen for a second and he looses his balance stumbling onto the floor. I breathe out.

"I think it's time we went home," Rude says as he comes back.

Rude bends down and picks Reno up off the floor by slinging one of his arms around his shoulder. As we leave he pays the bartender much more than what we bought.

Rude's face doesn't show any sign of being unhappy, but I can feel it coming off him. Reno's in-between us, his other arm slung around my shoulders. He stumbles along, and I'm sure that he doesn't know what's happening right now. Even like this Reno's talking and grinning like a fool.

"You're going to take Reno home?" I ask Rude as we start heading home.

"I'm taking him back to my place. He's useless when he's this drunk," Rude pauses, "You'll be okay by yourself?"

"I'll be alright."

Rude doesn't say anything and takes a stumbling Reno with him. I can't help but feel that Rude isn't happy with me. I watch them go for a minute before heading back to my apartment.


	7. Rocket Town

_AHA OH LOOK I ALREADY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING._  
><em>Uh, to address any questions you may have. I don't know when this story takes place (as in if it's in game, before crisis, crisis core ect.) so I guess that makes this slightly AU because things aren't going to line up to the games but it's not independent either.<em>

_I have two sort of references in this chapter._  
><em>One to Final Fantasy 7, and the other to the Chaos Walking Trilogy by Patrick Ness. Though, the latter might turn into more of a theme than a reference.<em>

_I'm going to have a cameo of everyone in FF7 though. I don't know how I'll work it in, but I will._

* * *

><p>It's the next day. Reno and I are waiting to get on the chopper. It's nothing too serious today. We're to accompany Rufus to Rocket Town. He's going to make a speech there and we're to be his bodyguards. Rude isn't coming though. Reno says he's doing a solo mission in Klam. He says that I would have been assigned to it but Rude's better suited for it.<p>

I still feel like I'm getting the cold-shoulder from Rude but I'm not going to say anything about it either. I can't think of what I might've done last night that would have made him angry with me. I might still be shaken from Reno's close encounter.

Reno doesn't seem to remember anything, which is fine by me.

"You're ready, I trust?" Rufus Shinra asks.

"We are, sir," Reno says.

"Good."

Rufus is a strange man. He wants to run the company by using fear and power over the people instead of how is father ran the company before him. I'm aware that it makes no difference to the Turks, but I just find that he's a little strange.

We all get into the helicopter and strap ourselves in. I sit quietly beside Reno in the back. I'm doing my best to look and be professional. Reno on the other hand is slouching in his seat, talking a mile a minute, to me I think, or maybe just himself. His uniform is untucked and not all buttoned.

It's not a long ride. Longer than I expected but nothing too bad. Every time we go somewhere I'm reminded of how big the world is and how little I've seen. It's almost overwhelming.

Right away I can see why the town has it's name. There's a huge rocket that's tilted to the right slightly and says _Shin-Ra No. 26_ on it. Rufus walks easily into the town. Some members of SOLIDER are waiting for him at the entrance and fall into formation behind him. Reno and I are at the back.

"These people want the rocket to be launched and the space program to be run again," Reno tells me quietly by my ear.

"Is that what we're here for?" I ask,

Reno shakes his head. "I dunno, yo."

Rufus up ahead turns his head ever so slightly. Reno and I shut up.

There's a lot of people looking at us. Mostly Rufus. Some look like they're filled with hate, and some look like Rufus is some sort of golden shiny wire of hope. Rufus ignores them and keeps walking forward.

The town is small. A few houses here and there, and a shop or two. It's a nice town, but like everywhere else Shinra has done something to wrong them. Reno nudges me with his elbow. I look at him. He's looking forward, not at the people. I look forward too.

Off to the side, in the centre of the town, is a small podium for Rufus to stand on. The guys in SOLIDER stand on either side, Reno and I directly behind him. Reno gets out his EMR and taps it on his shoulder. A menacing grin crosses his face. I just have my flick-blade. I keep it up my sleeve like I always do.

The townspeople start to gather in front of Rufus. They look worn with age. They look like they have no hope. They look like they're only expecting the worst. I can't see Rufus' face. I don't know if I should be scared for them or not.

(But I'm a Turk now.)

(It doesn't concern me)

(I won't see any of these people ever again)

"Fuck!" cries a blond man near the middle of the crowd, brining me back. "Get on with it, you bastard! Quit making us sweat!" I frown a little. He's rather uncouth and I don't like his short temper. He seems to be a chain smoker too.

And then Rufus starts speaking.

"People of Rocket Town, hello. I am President Rufus Shinra. Most of you are looking at me with a look that tells me that you're expecting the worst," he pauses. Everyone's looking at him waiting, hanging off his every word. "And you're wrong. I'm going to be taking over your town for my own purposes."

Not a sound was made.

"The Shinra Electric Company has plants to build a mako reactor here. I am aware that you already get some of your energy from us, but in the near future you'll getting all your energy from us making your lives immensely more comfortable."

Whispers start up, and I see a lot of worried looks.

"Like, fuck you're building a mako reactor here!" the same blonde man from before yells. "You've already screwed us over once you bastard!"

Instantly the crowd changes, as if they've all just remembered something. The SOLIDER members run in front of the president weapons raised. That quiets them. They step down. I keep my eyes on the blonde man. He still looks fiery.

"There is a second issue I know you're wanting me to address," Rufus continues as if nothing happened. "The space program. I find it unnecessary currently. I may change my thoughts on the matter, but as it stands now, the space exploration program is discontinued."

Right away the blonde man yells.

Reno and I move faster than the SOLIDER members. We're in front of Rufus in a flash. Reno has his EMR ready to go.

"Move it, Shinra dogs!" The man yells, running as fast as he can at us.

Reno moves quickly to the right and I move to the left. The man doesn't expect the speed. He aims for me. I whip my arm out. His face changes as he thinks I've missed. But I haven't.

He stops moving like I knew he would and his hand shoots up to his face that's bleeding now. He sees my flick-blade in my hand and lunges at me again. Reno's on him though, jabbing him in the back with the powered on EMR. The man lets out a scream and falls to the ground.

I check if he's still alive, and he is.

"Is there somewhere I can take this man?" I call to the crowd that's looking terrified.

A timid looking woman raises her hand and walks over to help me lift him.

"Cecilia," Reno says as I start to lift the reacher heavy man with the woman. He's looking at me strange. Like he's not sure of what I'm doing. I don't know what to say to him so I don't say anything at all.

I can feel the eyes on me from the town's people. They're asking me what I'm doing as well. I don't know what I'm doing.

"I am not the heartless man you think I am," Rufus says as I leave the podium. "I rule with power. Power comes in many forms, and sparing this man's life when I could have ordered him to be killed is just another type."

He continues to talk but I don't hear the rest of it. I help the woman carry the man all the way to their house and I lay the man on a bed. I look at the woman, and I can tell she's trying to understand me. Trying to figure me out. I don't give anything away. Nodding slightly I start to leave.

"Tea," mumbles the man suddenly.

"What?" the woman asks.

"We have a guest."

"I really shouldn't-" I start to say.

"Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA!"

I jump at the sudden loudness in his voice and I look to the woman. She smiles apologetically.

"Cecilia?" Reno's voice calls. "Are you in here, yo?"

"You can't just walk into people's houses, Reno." I call back. It's my turn to smile apologetically to the woman. "Sorry, I have to go now."

She mouths the words _Thank you_ and I leave her and the man.

"Jeeze, Cecilia," Reno breathes as we walk back to where Rufus is waiting for us. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't know," I tell him.

Reno slings one arm around me and pulls me close as we walk. He seems to think nothing of it but I can't help but feel a little weird. He may not remember what he almost did, but I do. But I find… I'm not pushing him away either.

"Anyway," Reno says as if I've been listening to him the whole time, "I dunno what you tell you about how Rufus is going to react, yo. He doesn't seem to like the fact that we left him alive, but the people like him better now."

"O-oh."

He grins and lets me go as we get back to Rufus.

Rufus doesn't need to call me over he just sends me a look. I walk over to him, my head bowed a little.

"Yes, sir?"

"I don't know if I should be thanking you or silencing you."

I don't say anything.

"You work well with Reno. The both of you moved quickly and efficiently. You didn't kill the man that came at me, so I should be silencing you. However, your merry upon the man and allowing him to live made me look better in the eyes of these people, meaning… I will have more power over them the next time I come. So, I thank you."

He turns and leaves me. I don't know what to think.

Because I know that I was supposed to kill him. I'm supposed to get rid of anyone who poses as a threat to Shinra and the man came at Rufus and I should have killed him. But I don't know what happened. I wasn't even thinking when I asked for someone to take care of him. The words just came tumbling out.

Reno walks towards me and I already know what he's going to say. "You got off real lucky, yo," he says just like I knew he would. He slings his arm around my shoulders again.

And he's right. I did get off lucky. I didn't do my job as Turk.

But I will next time. I won't fail again.

Watch me.


	8. Taken

_Sorry this one took so long to put up... I was busy. I realized too, I had no plot so I made one up quickly.  
>I also wasn't liking how short my chapters were or how choppy they were. They look fine in my word documents and then they're all choppy on the site. I hated it. So I added some length to this one.<br>Also, there's a Kingdom Hearts line in here. Shouldn't be hard to spot.  
>I hope I'm doing Rude justice. He's hard to write for considering he's like a rock (as Cecilia says). I hope to develop and tear down relationships soon, but again, with Rude it's hard.<br>Uh... yeah. Any comments or suggestions would be nice. Don't be shy!_

* * *

><p>Rude's back.<p>

I'd almost forgotten how tight Reno and Rude are in the day that Rude was gone. It's like they're stuck together at the hip. Where ever one goes so does the other. Not the bathroom of course.

I'm stuck filling out paper work on the blonde man from Rocket Town. Reno doesn't have to do it so he's sitting on Rude's desk, right on the papers he's probably going to need soon. He's talking a mile a minute. I hear things about me, which Rude doesn't seem to like too much but it's hard to tell because it's Rude and he's like a rock. I frown. I hear Reno talking about Tseng and how he needs to relax and Rude seems to agree quietly-

I do my best not to listen but it's hard. They're my partners and Rude's been acting a little funny. I might be wrong, and I probably am, but I just feel like I've done something and he's not liking it and I don't want to start something. If it really bothers him that much he can talk to me about it. Though… he doesn't talk as it is, so why would he talk to me otherwise?

I frown again and get back to filling out the report.

"Cecilia!" Reno calls. I hold up a hand that tells him to wait, but he ignores it. "Cecilia!" he whines this time. I sigh and look over at the redhead.

He's still on Rude's desk cross-legged and playing with the ends of his long ponytail. I can't tell if Rude is happy about Reno talking to me, which bothers me a little, but there's nothing I can do about it.

"What do you want, Reno?" I ask.

He looks at me for a moment. And then longer and I'm starting to find it uncomfortable but I don't break his gaze. He blinks and then waves me off, turning back around.

"Nothing, yo."

I raise my eyebrows in a little bit of shock. I turn back around in my seat and go back to filling in my report. I didn't get the man or the woman's name and I feel a little incompetent filling out a _N/A_ into those spots, but then I feel like I'm doing them a favour by not letting Shinra know too much about them.

"Cecilia," Reno pipes up again. I look over right away and again he stares at me. Again I don't look away. He blinks and just like before waves me off saying "Nothing, yo," and turning back around.

I keep looking fora second, but not at Reno. At Rude. He's not looking at me like I was half expecting him to, but instead he's looking at Reno, who's looking like he's having a grand old time on Rude's desk.

I sigh a little and turn back to my paperwork. I'm almost done and then I can give it to Tseng and from there I can go home if I want. It's not a day off because Turks never get a day off, there's just no mission for three people or just me at the moment. And if they need a pair they're going to send Reno and Rude. They're the best Shinra's ever seen.

The two of them seem to be making plans of some sort. Rude suggests Reno's favourite restaurant, another thing in the slums.

"Cecilia!" Reno calls yet again and I ignore him this time. I know what he's going to do. Stare. Blink. Wave me of. Say, "Nothing, yo," and turn back around and talk to Rude. "Cecilia!" A pause. "Cecilia…" he starts to whine.

I look over to him quickly, stare, blink, wave him off say, "Nothing, yo," and turn back around. He's silent for a second and then he starts to laugh.

"No, no, yo!" He says after he's done laughing, "Really, Cecilia, listen to me."

"Alright, what is it?" I ask.

"Rude wants us to go to _my_ favourite restaurant!" Reno grins widely. "You wanna come tonight, yo?"

I can see that Rude doesn't want me to come and I go to do him a favour and say no and tell Reno that I would like to just go to sleep tonight at a decent time but before I can say any of that Reno's cutting me off and-

"'Course you do!" he declares for me. "Hurry up and finish that paperwork so we can go!" He's grinning big at me over his shoulder. I know I'm looking at him wide-eyed and I'm probably gaping like a fish out of water but he doesn't seem to care or notice.

Rude isn't looking at me, he has his head down and he's doing his work. I can't tell if he's not happy about it, but I have a feeling that he isn't. Reno's yelling at him now to hurry up so I quickly do mine.

I finish it well ahead of Rude and file my report into Tseng.

* * *

><p>Rude's still filling out his report when I go to leave.<p>

"Are you going?" Reno asks, now sitting on the floor leaning against Rude's desk.

"I am."

"We'll come get you later, okay?"

"Uh, alright," I say leaving the building.

I decide to clean myself up a little. It always feels a nice to do. After I have a shower I crawl into bed just because I like the feeling of the sheets on me afterwards. I curl up into them, pulling them tight around me.

I lay there for a little while before getting changed into something for the dinner. Knowing Reno it's probably not anywhere fancy, and it's probably in the slums. That means that I shouldn't look too fancy because I don't want to attract too much attention which is kind of hard when I'm going to be Reno who stands out like a sore thumb and personality to match and Rude who's just the opposite.

I settled on some simple clothes that I hadn't worn in a while and went and watched TV for a minute as I waited for them. As usual Shinra was on the news. It was just recapping Rufus' ideas to put a Mako reactor in Rocket Town. The man who attacked him wasn't mentioned.

"Open up, yo!" Came Reno's voice.

"I'm coming!" I call scrambling to the door to keep him from breaking it down. I open it quickly and narrowly avoid getting punched in the head.

Reno grins. He's still in uniform and so is Rude behind him. I suddenly feel a little overdressed. He waits for me to go back and turn off my Tv.

"You have a small apartment," Reno comments as I lock the door behind me.

"I like it," I say suddenly a little conscious that it is quite small.

Reno scoffs. "Pff. Of course you would."

"We should get going," Rude says. Reno looks over like he's just remembered something and nods.

We head off together and I feel almost as if Rude is walking a little closer to Reno than where I feel like he should be walking. I push it out of my mind though. Reno is always hanging off Rude anyway. Slinging his arm around his partner or sitting on his desk like he was today. Maybe that's just what he does with his partner because he's starting to do it to me too.

I'm not surpassed to say the least when we head down into the slums. Like always the second we're under the plates I feel like I can't breathe and it sort of hurts when I try. To be fair, it's getting better. Not as bad as it used to be… but still pretty hard.

Rude won't look at me. Reno's talking to both of us, but Rude won't speak to me. Well, I guess he is, but it's the shortest possible answers I can possibly get. Reno doesn't seem to notice, and that's okay.

We get to the restaurant, and Reno holds the door open for me, though he's wearing a laughing grin. The restaurant isn't anything special and even though I didn't try to dress up, I'm over dressed. It's a small little place and with a few people. It's dirty which can't be helped because we're in the slums, but it's clean (for being a restaurant in the slums).

Reno and Rude snag us a seat in a booth. They sit on one side and I'm sitting on the other.

"Back again, Reno?" Our waitress asks as she hands us our menus.

"You know it, yo," Reno says to her, giving her a wink. She rolls her eyes and nods at Rude who nods back. "Who're you?" She asks me.

"She's our newest addition, yo," Reno says before I can even think of forming a sentence. I frown a little. "Her name's Cecilia. Got it memorized?"

The waitress smiles softly with a light laugh. "Alright, so what're you getting?"

"The usual," Reno says with a wave. Rude adjusts his shades which I guess translates to _the usual_.

She looks at me expectantly and I fumble with the menu. I'm not fast enough for Reno's liking so he takes my menu from me and hands it to the waitress ordering for me.

"I know the menu inside out," he says assuring me. I frown at him. He grins. "I'm telling you I do."

"Yeah, and what if I don't like whatever you've just ordered me?"

"It's too late now, yo," Reno says pointing to the waitress who's walking away now. I feel too stupid to call her back and let me look it over and cancel Reno's order. "And you'll like it."

I give up and sigh.

Reno starts to talk and I look out the window. To see how poor everyone in almost hurts to look at. To see their building so haphazardly made and how aged everyone looks and to know that the tree of us are apart of the company that keeps them this way… I can't look out the window.

Rude seems to be sitting a little closer to Reno than before, but I'm sure I'm just seeing things and ignore it.

"You always want to go clubbing," Rude says. "We should go out for a quiet drink somewhere."

"If you insist…" Reno mutters a little half heartily. "How does that sound, Cecilia? Going out for a _quiet_ drink with us sometime?"

"Reno-" Rude starts but Reno cuts him off, asking me again-

"D'you wanna come, Cecilia?"

I look to Rude and his face is as expressionless as ever. I'm starting to dislike those shades. If he'd just get rid of them I know I'd be able to read him. But I don't need to see his eyes to know he isn't happy about Reno inviting me. Reno's looking at me expectantly.

"If I'm not busy," I say. "I probably will be."

Reno laughs. "You're our partner, yo. We'll know when you're busy and when you're not. We'll plan around that. No big deal."

"I do other stuff…" I mutter.

"If she can't make it Reno, there's nothing to be done," Rude says.

"If you're going to say we should just go without her-" Reno starts.

"No, it's fine. You two go," I say.

The waitress comes back with our food and I hate to say it but whatever it is that Reno got me looks good. All the food looks good actually. It's not the slop I was expecting.

The bell above the door rings and Reno looks over my head to see who's walked in. It sounds like there's about five men, all loud and mouthy. I see both Reno and Rude frown a little.

"Not these guys, yo," Reno says, stuffing a fork full of food into his mouth angrily.

"Who're they?" I ask taking a bite of my own meal.

"Some punks," Reno replies still looking angrily over at the guys.

I look over and they're laughing, pushing each other, and mouthing off. I don't know them but even I'm starting to find I don't like them. They're in the way and causing problems.

"They're pompous idiots," Rude says to me surprisingly. "They'll fight with anyone. Reno got into a scarp with them once, of course, they were left worse off but-"

"What pisses me off about them, beside the fact that they're still alive," Reno buts in. "Is the fact that they jumped me one night as I was walking home from this place. Who attacks someone like that anyway, yo?"

I smiled dispite myself, "Coming from a Turk."

Reno rolls his eyes and takes another angry bite of his food.

"Hey girl!" one of them calles. I don't look over. I hate the fact that I can feel my cheeks burning a little. I stare at my food that I hate to admit tastes really good. "Hey!"

"Shut it, would you?" Reno calls back.

"Why you hanging around those losers, girl?" another chimed in. "Come over here for a good time."

"I'm fine right here, thank you," I say still looking intently at my food.

"Don't be like that, baby," and I can hear the man getting up. I sneak a glance up. Rude isn't happy, I can feel it, but his face is as cool as ever. Reno's looking ticked. His eyebrows furrowed together and his mouth isn't grinning like usual, instead it's pulled down into a tight frown.

"Are you deaf, yo?" Reno asks slamming down his fork.

"Reno," Rude warns.

"No one here wants you around," Reno continues, "so why don't you just shut up and eat like you're supposed to?"

"Shut up," the first guy says. "This ain't none of you're business, man, I'm trying to score here."

I keep looking at my food, not hungry anymore. As thankful as I am that Reno is trying to deter them from me, I really want him to cut it out because they're getting angry.

"Reno," I say. "Just let them be fools. They're going to see that nothing is going to happen and give up." I look to Rude for help but he's not paying attention to me.

"Yeah? Well she ain't interested in scum like you," Reno's forgotten all about his food now. He's sitting so he's facing the men and that grin, the one I saw when I first met him is creeping back up onto his face.

"Scum like us, huh?"

Then suddenly they're all on their feet and Reno gets up just as quick, Rude right behind him ready to fight. Reno has his EMR out and on. Past the shock I'm wondering why every time I come down to the slums something bad happens.

"You with me buddy?" Reno asks Rude. Rude nods.

Both my partners jump into action and the other men do the same. Reno and Rude are too quick, even for me to track them. Within seconds they're on the group of them and they don't see it coming. I don't even see it coming.

It's a wonder to see them working together. They work on split second decisions, glances at one another. No words needed. I can't describe it. It's amazing. It's perfect, how in sync they are. It's no wonder why they're Shinra's best team.

The next thing I know Reno's clapping his hand and wiping the dirt off himself. Rude is too.

"Next time," Reno says over his shoulder, "do as I say, yo." I'm still sitting at our booth, my food half eaten, looking at them stupidly. Reno grins and I notice that Rude's standing rather close to him and that he has one hand on Reno's shoulder. "Come on, Cecilia," Reno says as he passes me, placing the money on the table.

"You fucking bitch!" I hear behind me. Despite myself I can't help but look back at at them. They're all beat up and most of them either have a cut lip or a bloody nose. "Fucking whore."

"She ain't no whore," Reno says wrapping one arm around my shoulder and pulling me away.

"She must be if she's hanging around you."

Reno doesn't say anything and forces me to walk away.

"Quit thinking you're so high and mighty! It doesn't mean shit when you don't do any of the work yourself!"

We walk quickly and in silence. Reno doesn't remove his arm from around me. It's not a loose friendly hold either. His arm is tight and protective around me. Rude walks a little close but other than that there's nothing.

"Sorry," I mumble after a long while of walking.

"For what?" Reno asks.

"Every time I'm down here I seem to get in trouble somehow…"

"You're a Turk and we are too. It's nothing."

Rude adjusts his glasses and we keep walking in silence, Reno never letting me go. As much as I don't want him hanging onto me it is sort of comforting. Though, I'm sure Rude will be in a bad mood tomorrow.

"When we go drinking next, you're paying, yo," Reno tells me when we have to split. He finally removes his arm from around me and I shiver a little against the cold. The first thing that crosses my mind is the fact that I want Reno to put his arm around me again because it was warm… really warm-

I push the thought away.

"Well… I'll be going," I say.

Reno waves "Get home safe, yo."

"I will."

Rude nods once, and I nod back and we head our separate ways. I take maybe three steps before I find I'm looking back at them. I see Reno turning his head away like he was just looking back too. Rude walking a little close, but Reno doesn't seem to mind. Rude's just looking out for his partner after all, right?

I start to walk back home and I realize how dark it is. It's hard to see two feet in front of me and I'm not quite out of the slums yet. The few people that are out aren't looking at me too much because I'm not in uniform. It's nice to not have people looking at you like you're personally the one who's done all this to them.

I feel like I can breathe again as I start to come out of the slums.

And that's where I let my guard down.

"Get her!" I hear and I'm turning around, and I'm just fast enough to catch somebody in the teeth before they get their arms around me. I'm not fast enough to catch the man behind me who's grabbing my arms and pinning them behind my back. I struggle against them, and I can hear them gasp in surprise at my strength, but I'm still not strong enough to throw him off. I use my legs to kick and but another man grabs them. A cloth comes up to my face and it covers my mouth and nose-

I black out.


	9. Can't Kill

_If I left this story the way it was... it would have been rated M. Not because of sex, but because there was a lot of ALMOST sex. I didn't like it so I changed it.  
>I told myself I'd get this done before two a.m. BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.<em>

Oh, I've been meaning to say... You know how I've given Cecilia a flick blade? Well I actually see her using it sort of like how Izaya uses his from Durarara!  
>Uh, yeah... I think that's all I have to say.<p>

* * *

><p>"Look at her, man. She doesn't even look real… like a doll."<p>

My head's throbbing and I feel like I'm tied up somewhere. I can feel that there's a blindfold keeping me from seeing, but I don't have it in me to open my eyes just yet… not like it would do me any good anyway. I'm blindfolded after all.

"Too much like a doll if you ask me. Her knockers are barely there."

"You're twisted anyway," a third voice says. Slowly I'm realizing that I don't know these voices and that I have no idea how I got here. "She's at least a B. They'd fit real nice in your hands."

I don't want to move just yet but I start. I turn my head and open my eyes. Of course all I can see is the blindfold. Now that I'm a little more awake I'm realizing I'm tied to a hard, rather uncomfortable chair. I turn my head into my shoulder to try and move the blindfold. It sort of works so I keep at it.

"You think he'll like her?"

"Of course he will."

I still can't see but I decide to see and I decide that it's a useless task. I move onto seeing how much I can move. My hands are tied painfully behind my back, around the chair and I can feel that I have handcuffs on me. My feet are bound together with what feels like rope attaching me to. My knees are held together and I can't stretch them out too much. My chest is tied tightly to the chair in a way that the back of it is digging in. I find that the rope is so tightly bound that it's hard to breathe.

"Oh, she looks to be up."

"Perfect. He'll be here shortly anyway."

"Think of all the money we'll make with her."

It would be a lie to say that I'm not scared. Of course I am. But now that I'm thinking about it… these people sound like the guys from that restaurant.

"You ain't getting out of that," a voice tells me. "So you can quit struggling."

I frown and keep trying to see what I can move and if there's any way I can get out of this. I can't find any loose spots. They've tied me up good and tight. What's frustrating me the most is the blindfold. I hate not being able to see.

Someone walks over and leans down close. They touch my face tightly and I jerk my head away. They laugh and they hold my face again. There's nowhere for me to move so I let them. Their face is near mine. I can feel their presence looming closer. They smell of smoke and booze. They smell dirty.

"You know you can't touch her." A voice says also walking over.

"Not too much, anyway, eh, Adrian?"

"Not too much," Adrian agrees. "She needs to be perfect for him, Nigel."

"Why can't I just have her?" Nigel asks, still touching my face.

"Because you got the last one. If she's anyone she's mine."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" I tell them loudly, bringing my head forward and hitting it off Nigel's face. It hurt a little, but I got him right in the nose and he wasn't prepared for it. I hear him yell in pain. I allow myself a small smile.

"Bitch," I hear Nigel mutter and he backs off. Adrian laughs along with the third voice.

"She's got some spunk," the third voice laughs.

I might not be able to move much, or not at all but I'll fight them.

I hate myself for being so stupid as to let myself get captured so easily.

I'm wondering vaguely (because it's really not the time) if someone will be sent to find me. I imagine that Reno and Rude have been sent somewhere already so maybe Tseng will come get me. Or Elena, but I don't know who she is. Someone might not be coming because who needs a Turk that allows themselves get captured so easily?

"Where is he?" the third voice asks.

"Don't be so impatient, Maurice," Adrian says. "He'll be here and we'll get a big pay out and we can get us some." I hear a shuffle and I guess that he's shrugging. "If he doesn't like her, well, I already told Nigel she's mine."

"Fuck," Nigel breathes, "what if I let you have the next one, she really looks like a doll. I haven't seen something this fine since-"

"I know. That's why she's mine."

"Hey!" I yell at them rather childishly.

They go on talking like I'm some sort of object, ignoring me like I thought they would. There isn't anything I can do right now but wait.

It's a long wait or maybe it isn't I can't tell with this stupid blindfold on. The people have stopped talking and I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. I try to think up plans that will help my situation but they're all impossible because of how tied up I am.

There's a knock at a door and from the sounds of it, this is going to be the person we've been waiting for. I hear the door open and I hear the man come in.

"Oh," the voice says, like he's surprised.

"Do you like her?" Maurice asks.

"Of course I do. She looks like a-"

"-Doll, we know." Adrian says.

"Take off her blindfold," the voice demands.

There's some movement and then my blindfold is taken roughly off. It takes a second for my vision to focus. The room is a white room, which I'm finding ironic at the moment. My clothes are the same as the night before which is a good thing. Really good, actually. I feel for my flick blade and it's still there… I just can't get at it just yet. I see the three men that've been looking over me for the past who knows how long. I don't know who's who, but I do recognize them from the restaurant.

"Hello there," the man with an unfamiliar voice says to me. I look at him. He's a weird looking man. One I wouldn't want to be near never mind have touch me. He looks like he's full of himself and thinks he can do anything he wants. His suit is clean and pressed nicely, but his hair is greasy. He looks like he might be from the plates. He has the air of a man with power once, and is seeing his life go downhill. That's why he's here now. "Ah, look at her eyes. Reading me, quite well I'm guessing."

I frown.

He comes over to my side and crouches down so he's at face level with me. He looks at me like I'm a sort of gift, or prize. He touches my face and traces my jaw line. I raise my head trying to avoid his touch. His hand is sweaty. I guess he knows what he's doing is wrong. He'll do it anyway though and I have no way out of it.

"It's okay. I'll be nice to you."

I nearly topple myself over in the chair as I try to attack him, momentarily forgetting that I'm tied up. The man smiles warmly down at me and I frown some more. He sickens me.

He moves his hands down my thigh and stops at my knees to undo the bonds there. He rubs my knees and behind them where the rope was digging in. I hate the fact that it feels good. After a moment he moves to my feet and undoes the rope there. Again he rubs where the rope has dug in. He holds tight though. He knows I'll kick him in the face given the chance.

Quickly he moves back and just out of reach when I do try to kick him. I can't do anything but sit there as he looks at me some more. There's no use kicking when I'd be wasting energy trying to get something that's not within range. I can't get up either. I'm tied too tightly to the back to of the chair to move my gravity enough to get me on my feet.

I could probably slip my hands out of the cuffs but how they have me tied it wouldn't do anything. In fact it looks like I might be more stuck if I tried.

The man who's name I still don't know starts to fiddle with his belt buckle.

"Hold her," he commands, licking his lips nervously. Two of the men come over to hold me and I kick one square in the shin and I manage to keep my other leg out of reach of the other. The one who's here for… business seems impressed with me.

"Fuck," and I can recognize the voice as Maurice's. "Just hold still and let him have his way with you," he says as he tries to grab my legs again.

"We've never had such a fighter," the person who must be Nigel says. I pull my legs up with enough force that I tip backwards and start to fall backwards. I can't move to stop myself from the fall, but Adrian catches the chair before I can hit the ground.

My right leg makes contact with something, I'm hoping someone's face, but then it's caught. I try with my other leg to kick and get free but I can't and soon I'm pinned. I'm breathing hard and there's nothing I can do.

The man looms over me, his pants slowly coming off. I don't look.

And then the most amazing thing happens-

The door flies open and there's a flash of red hair. The three men in front of me are knocked down, but Adrian behind me is still holding me up. I can feel that's he's frozen in place which I'm grateful for because the floor doesn't look too forgiving.

"Put her down, yo," Reno says to the man, his face twisted in a way that scares me. His EMR is alive and I know already that this man's fate is. There's a pang of guilt in my chest for him. "Put her down, properly."

Adrian dose so, but I'm still stuck to the chair. As I expected Reno strikes him and I hear the man hit the floor with a thud. Quickly Reno releases the rope around my chest and frees my wrists from the rope attached to the chair legs.

"Rude's coming," Reno says to me and I start pulling my hands out of the cuffs with some effort. "Are you okay, Cecilia?"

"Fine," I tell him working on my other wrist. I'm lucky they didn't do the handcuffs up properly other wise I'm not sure how I would have gotten out. "I'm okay," I say again, like I'm trying to tell myself that I'm all right.

"…Cecilia?" Rude asks, coming through the door.

"I'm fine," I say quickly.

He nods once, and he actually seems relived. As always though it's hard to tell.

"Let's go," Reno says. "We're not in the clear yet, yo."

"We may have gotten in without much hassle," Rude says, "getting out might be a little more difficult."

I get up and as I go to follow Reno and Rude out of the door when I stop short. One of the men has my ankle and he's reaching for a button. I kick him off and he presses the button. An alarm sounds.

"Fuck!" Reno swears down the hall a little. "Cecilia! Come on, yo!"

We run down a hall that seems to be on a little bit on an incline. I want to ask where we are but there isn't really time for it. People are coming at us from all angles. We have each others backs as we move. Reno and Rude don't need words to work with each other and I feel like I'm in the way.

I duck just in time to avoid getting hit in the head with Reno's EMR and I stumble to the right from a hit to avoid getting hit with a strong kick from Rude. Stabbing my flick-blade into the thigh of an attacker he falls to the ground.

"Come on!" Reno calls and Rude and I run after him leaving the unconscious bodies behind.

We take sharp turns through the building or whatever this place is. It's not easy going through the halls. People jumping out at us, catching us by surprise, making us fight them.

We make it to a lobby looking area. There's a big set of doors that leads out into the slums. It's a little lighter here, and I can see that we're all covered in blood. I'm stupidly thinking about how I'll have to throw these clothes out because the blood'll stain them and never come out.

Reno get's out his phone and he's calling Shinra. Rude and I wait for him to stop talking and then Reno looks over his shoulder at us and I see his eyes widen.

I turn to look behind me, and I hear Reno throw the phone to the ground.

"Cecilia!" Reno yells, "Kill him!"

There's the man from before standing right behind me. Not one of us heard him. He's pulling out a gun and I have my flick blade. I'm faster and I'm within reach of his throat.

I can slit it.

I can slit it and he'll die.

"Cecilia!" Reno cries running for me still. Coming to save me.

(Again.)

I'm reaching out with my flick blade and-

I'm picturing Reno and how he shot the man in the reactor. How he did it without even flinching. How sadistic he looked with that grin on his face. The blood that splattered onto his white shirt and blue blazer.

I'm hearing the laugh that came out of him afterwards.

I can't stop my swing but I pull my arm back enough to just nick is throat. The man can't stop his acton either because here comes his gun aimed right at me, and he's not even noticing his injury.

Someone's colliding into me, holding me close, with enough power to knock me right off my feet. We're falling to the ground and I hear the gun fire.

I feel Reno's weight on me for just as second as he rolls us away. Gently he moves me off him and I hear me swear he's going to kill the man, as he gets up-

Rude beats him to it.

I'd never seen anything like it. Reno seems shocked too.

I can't watch. I can't not see it, though. Just like with Reno. I can't not see Rude cracking the man in the jaw so hard he's throwing back into the wall behind him, making him smack his head. I can't not see Rude coming at him with his other fist so hard that he's smashing the the man's sku-

I can't not see it even though I'm not looking.

And then he's dead.

Just like that. So easy.

"You okay, Reno?" Rude asks right away breathing hard.

"I'm alright, yo," Reno says breathing hard too, "I think the bullet just grazed my shoulder."

Reno and I sit there as Rude stands over us.

"Cecilia," Reno says after a moment. I can tell already what he's going to say. "You…" he starts.

"She can't kill," Rude says.

I don't say anything. I'm not looking at them.

"You can't… can you?"

But I'm not even listening. They're starting to follow my gaze.

Because there he is. The man that Rude killed. His body so mangled I can't look at it, but I can't look away either. That man was alive just seconds ago.

Reno runs a hand through his hair. "She can't kill," he says. "Perfect."

"We'll tell Rufus when we get back."

I knew I wasn't cut out to be a Turk. I don't object to Rude's decision.

"No," Reno breathes after a long moment.

"No?" Rude and I repeat.

"No. We'll hide it… or we'll teach her how… or something! We're not giving her over, yo."

"Reno," Rude warns.

"I know," he says running his hand through his hair again. There's a tight silence between us all. Reno gets up and helps me up as well. "Rude, call Tseng. Notify him of this place. My phones busted. Lets get out of here."


	10. Number 1 Rule of Being a Turk

_Sorry. I had to get something called a "life" and I didn't have time to write.  
>Also, I apologize because I seem to like writing action stories, but I can't write action... or fights. YAY.<em>

* * *

><p>We're back at Shinra's building.<p>

"I'm going to check on Reno," I tell Rude over my shoulder. He gives me a look. He's not happy with me still. Or, I should say that he's not happy with me over something new. Either way I can't look him in the eye. I couldn't look Reno in the eye for a while after I saw what he did and I can't look at Rude now either.

I go down one more floor and find the infirmary on the right. Reno's sitting on the table I sat on when I had my head bandaged. Only he's shirtless as the nurse tends to his shoulder where the bullet grazed him. I don't look.

"Hey Cecilia," Reno says.

"Are you alright?" I ask walking over to see his injury. It's shallow and he's really lucky that he got away with just a graze. "It looks painful."

"I'm fine. Been through worse."

"Reno'll never admit that he needs help," the nurse says with a smile. I let out a small laugh. "It'll be stingy for a while but it's not infected or anything so it should just scab over. I'm just bandaging it to keep any infections out if it doesn't scab over quickly enough."

Reno shrugs his shirt back on and lazily does some of the buttons up. "Thanks," He says, sliding off the table. He goes to slide his arm around me lazily but the graze in his shoulder keeps him from doing it.

Together we go back up to our floor. Rude is filling out paperwork. Probably both his and Reno's. I have to fill some out too. I have to fill out what happened when I was taken and what happened when I was there and who the people were and what they look like.

I sit at my desk filling out the forms and papers. Reno's sitting on Rude's desk again. Rude doesn't seem to mind. Then again, Rude seems to put up with a lot of things that Reno does. I still think it's a little strange that two people as opposite as those two work together so well.

Tapping my pen on the desk I try to remember how I ended up getting myself captured. The details are a little foggy. Reno and Rude are talking quietly. I don't need to hear them to know what they're talking about.

I can't kill. I told myself in Rocket Town that I wouldn't fail the next time I needed to kill. I needed to kill and I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill. I can't kill. I can't do it. I can't take a life. Both Reno and Rude do it and it looks so easy. It is easy, to take a life. I can't do it.

Reno as I've said before gets this sadistic look to him. He attacks people and he looks like he's having fun. He kills without flinching and doesn't even seem to care. He even laughs. That same laugh I can't stop hearing in my head.

There's Rude now, too. Silently he killed that man. It was even worse than Reno's kill. Reno had a gun and just pulled the trigger, easy as that. Rude used his fit. He brought his fists down with enough strength to break bone. The screams that came out of the man were terrible and yet Rude didn't stop.

They both took lives right before my eyes, and I simply cannot do it and that's all there is to it.

"Cecilia, Rude," comes Tseng's voice making us all look up.

"I have a mission for you both. Sorry Reno, but this is something that I need these two for."

I look back to Rude and Reno. Reno's frowning and as ever I can't tell what Rude's thinking thanks to his shades. Rude stands and nods his head. I guess we're going.

"Why can't I go?" Reno asks.

"Your talents are needed elsewhere," Tseng says. "Like here. Filling out your injury report."

"Those things take two seconds," Reno complains.

"When Rude does them for you," Tseng replies cooly. I suppress a small smile.

Reno frowns and gets off the desk. "Alright, fine, I'll stay here while they go have fun."

Tseng leads both Rude and I away from Reno. "It's not a hard mission," he says as we take the elevator down. "It's another interrogation mission. Reno's no good at them," a pause. "Cecilia, I want you to see what the man knows. We've come to believe that he's in charge of an ani-Shinra movement. I want a confession out of him and then you're both going to bring him back."

"Why am I needed, sir?" Rude asks.

"You'll be her back up. Cecilia has a friendly face that they'll open up to, and you'll be standing close and looking intimidating to show the man what's to come if he decides that he doesn't want to."

"Understood."

We walk over to the helicopter and get on. Tseng tells us we're headed to North Corel before we take off.

As always I'm amazed to see us lift off from the ground, but I don't make my amazement look too obvious. Rude sits quietly beside me. Usually I can take his silence but it's just strained and awkward right now. I can't keep myself from fiddling with the cuffs of my sleeves.

North Corel is a dirty town. It reminds me of the slums of Migdar but I can breathe here. Right away I feel the stares of hate. Shinra must have done something big here. People are living in tents, and there's railroad tracks that look like they've been abandoned for a long time. How poor everyone is shocks me.

"They won't be afraid to attack you," Rude tells me shortly. "Stop looking."

"Right."

Rude and I walk around the town looking for anywhere that this man might be hiding out. I don't put it past any one of these people to be apart of the anti-Shinra movement, if there is one. I'm sure there is. It's just a matter of finding the man in charge.

"AVALANCHE?" I say more to myself than to Rude.

"Hm?"

"I heard someone just now say that there was an ani-Shinra group called AVALANCHE. That's probably who we're after, right?"

"Good ears," Rude says. He stops walking suddenly and I manage to keep from walking into him. "I've heard that name before somewhere." Rude thinks for a moment. I don't say anything.

I can't keep myself from looking around North Corel some more. They don't have a proper _anything_. There's a ramp that looks like it might lead up to some ruins… or they might be houses, but the ramp ins't made of wood or anything like that. It looks like they just used a sign that fell down once. It looks rickety and not not safe at all.

"I know where to look," Rude says. "Come on."

Rude walks quickly and I nearly have to jog to keep up. People are coming out of their houses to look at us and frown. I can't imagine what Shinra has done to these to these people to have them living like this. The slums are worse, of course, but all the way out here?

"Cecilia," Rude reminds me. "They won't take your looking the way you're intending. All they see is a member of Shinra. Nothing else matter to them."

"I know," I say, "Sorr-" I stop short of my sentence as I walk into someone. "Sorry," I mutter to both Rude and the man.

"Eh?" the man grunts looking down at me. He's a big man. Intimidating like Rude, but what I'm looking at most is the gun he's got grafted onto his right arm. He towers over me like a monster and his eyes narrow the instant he seem my uniform.

"Sorry," I say to him again.

"You ain't sorry for nothin'," the mans says loudly, almost spitting in my face. I've never seen someone with so much hate for Shinra- for me. "Whaddya here to ruin now?" I don't get to say anything before he's speaking again. "Fuckin' Shinra dogs. Yer suckin' the life right outta the planet! Doncha care 'bout what your doin'?"

"Sorry," I say as I start to walk away from him my hands in the air.

"Quit apologizin' fer somethin' you ain't sorry for!"

"Ey, Barret," someone calls. "You've caused us enough problems messing with Shinra dogs. They can't do anything more to us."

Barret grunts and turns his back to us walking away quickly.

"We're not here to play, Cecilia," Rude says to me as if I'm a child. I frown. "Follow me, quickly so we can get this over with.

"I know we're not here to play," I mutter to myself.

Rude leads me up the sign that's used as a ramp. There's a building here and Rude takes me inside of it. It looks like it might be an inn or a hotel. It's so banged up and falling apart I can't really tell. There's beds but they look so worn and dirty there's no way that they'd expect people to actually stay here.

"Him," Rude says, nodding over to a frail old man.

"You sure?" I ask.

"I am," Rude says in a tone that tells me that's all he has to say on the matter and that I better get going.

I walk over to the man quietly, not wanting to scare him. He's so skinny. It can't be healthy at all. He's as pale as a ghost and he looks so brittle, like he might break if the wind blows a little too hard. I'm finding it hard to believe Rude.

"Excuse me, sir?" I say touching his shoulder lightly. Instantly his eyes fly open and he takes a defensive stance, one that would be trained into someone. Just as fast he controls himself and looks like a started man who didn't nearly attack me.

"Who're you?" He asks, his voice hoarse.

"That's really not important right now," I say starting to choose my words carefully, watching him and every move he makes. He's the one we want, I'm sure of it. No one gets int a stance like that unless they've been trained to expect attack. Rude stands over me and I can't help but feel like he's gloating in the fact that he had been right. "I just want to ask you a few things, would that be alright?"

"About the rooms? They're fifty gill a night, so… for the two of you it would be one hundred gill."

"One hungered Gil?" I ask pulling over a chair to sit on not bothering to hide my shock. I've never heard of an inn that cheap. I never thought that he would try and pass this place off as an inn either. There's no way any one would want to stay somewhere this dirty.

"That's right. Do you want to stay the night?"

"Oh, no. Sorry, that's not why I'm here." The man's face falls and I feel a little guilty but I press on anyway. "I can't help but notice that your town holds a grudge against Shinra."

A look of pure hate crosses his face, but he tries his best to retain his frail old man look. "Yes, our town isn't very fond of you, that's correct. Nothing you would and should not be unaware of."

"Of course," I lie. I have no idea what Shinra's done to this place.

"Then what is your business here?"

Rude's silence hovering behind me has the man looking at him every chance he thinks it's safe to do so. He knows why we're here, but he just wants an excuse to attack. I won't give it to him.

"We're just wondering about some things in your town. Not a big deal."

"What things? If you're here to build another reactor, I'm not the one you should be talking to. You should be talking to Barret, but he won't be wanting it so you can give up now."

"No," I say, "we're not here about a mako reactor." I pause, thinking about my words. I don't want to be too forward, but I don't want to dance around the subject for too long. He's trying to read me as I'm reading him. I let out a sigh and smile at him, which catches him off guard. "I'll be honest with you," I start.

"You can't be honest about nothing."

"Wait for a minute. What I mean is, I'm not going to dance around the subject. We're here concerning a group… an anti-Shinra-"

"If it's about AVALANCHE then you're wrong. It don't exist!" the man blurts out. I see a flash of realization of what he's just said cross his face.

I can't help but think _gotcha._

Raising my eyebrows I try to pull off that I'm surprised. "AVALANCHE? That's new. I suppose now that the cat's out of the bag you could… or rather I say _should_ tell me more."

The man realizes that he's messed up even though I already knew about AVALANCHE. He's looking up to Rude. Rude doesn't move. I sit and wait. He's scared, and he's not sure what he should be doing. His eyes flicker for a second and I can tell he's made the decision to not say another word. He wants to protect his group. I decide to see what I can get out of him anyway. Any extra information will be good for Shinra.

"Come on now, the more you tell us now, the more you're saving yourself later."

"I don't know nothing. There's been rumors going around 'bout some AVALANCHE group. I may hate Shinra, but at least I know joining a group like that would be suicide. Anyone with half a brain knows this."

I watch him closely still. For a second I doubt myself. It's true that he could just hate Shinra and has just heard rumors. But then again, why would he have jumped right to the fact that he says they don't exist. I don't want to condemn an innocent man…

"Is this all you know?" I ask. "If you know anything at all, you better tell me now."

He's sweating now and I stop doubting myself. He obviously knows that they exist. I'm right in saying he just wants to protect them. Everything he's saying is a lie.

"I don't know nothing!"

"Alright."

"Now leave!" he spits.

"Now why would I do that?" I ask. "When we both know that I've got you?"

The man get up to run but Rude moves forward quickly grabbing the man and pinning his arms behind his back. The man didn't stand a chance against us. Or I should say Rude… I didn't really do anything.

I watch the man struggle, but he's not going to go anywhere soon. I get out my phone and call Shinra. Quickly I tell them exactly what they need to know. They seem pleased enough.

"They'll be here soon," I tell Rude. "They'll be sending one more chopper for the man here."

Rude nods and we leave the building out a back door. We don't want to be parading around the town that already hates us with one of their men. Together with the man we sneak out of the town back to where the helicopters are. Rude shoves the man into the other chopper before coming back to sit in the helicopter with me.

"Cecilia," Rude says after a long ride of silence, we're almost touching down now.

"Yes, Rude?"

"Do you know the first rule of being a Turk?"

I look at him for a moment. Not quite sure what he's asking. We get out of the chopper and walk to the doors of the building.

"I know what our duty is to Shinra is, if that's what you're asking," I say when Rude stops and makes it clear that he's not going to move until I answer.

"The first rule of being a Turk is," he says without looking at me, as if I haven't even spoken, "to not let work become personal." With that he walks away quickly and without looking back.

I stand there a little dumbfounded. I can't think of why he's telling me this. I don't think I've made my work personal. I frown a little. I know that I'm not the best at being a Turk. I know that even though I've gone through the same training they have that I still can't kill. I know this. That still doesn't mean he gets to treat me as a child.

I decide to follow him.


	11. A Quiet Night

_Uwah! I'm sorry! I meant to update yesterday but I didn't have time.  
>There's no real excuse for why this chapter is so late other than the fact that I was playing LoZ: OoT, watching some Au No Ex, playing Terraria, and going on a 20 minute bike ride and nearly killing myself. (I'm super unfit, aha) and there's also the problem that I scene that I wanted but didn't like how it fit and was tinkering with for like... ever and then I realized stupidly today that I could just delete it and get on with the story.<em>

_Uh, so this chapter I think is rather different than my last ones... I wanted to play around with how Rude and Reno interact. I don't know how well I pulled it off. I don't know... This might just be a different sort of chapter so I don't blame you if you say that it feels odd.  
>I might re-work it later.<em>

_Super obvious cameo in this one. (I still have no idea where in the FFvii timeline this thing takes place)_

* * *

><p>Turning a corner I hear talking. There's still a little bit more wall before I'd see them but I can hear them just fine. I don't know what makes me stand there and listen but that's what I do. I know in the back of my mind that I probably shouldn't, but I find I'm not moving.<p>

"Hey Rude, where's Cecilia?" Reno asks right away.

"…She's somewhere," Rude says after some hesitation. I wonder for a second what makes him say 'somewhere'.

"Somewhere? Shouldn't you know?"

"She'll be here shortly," Rude says in a different tone that I'm not sure of it's meaning. Rude takes a breath and quickly he says, like he's not sure of what he's about to do, "But Reno I was thinking that we could-"

"I hear Heidegger is planning to give us a vacation soon, yo," Reno says cutting Rude off, "Wouldn't that be great? I can't remember the last time we got time off."

"Reno-"

"Did she have to kill anyone, yo?" Reno says cutting Rude off again and changing the subject. I find that I'm wondering why Reno isn't letting Rude speak.

"No."

"Oh, good. We can't let anyone know about that."

"Reno," Rude says again, but this time in a warning tone of voice, not like the other times.

"I know," Reno says sternly. It shocks me a little to hear how he's speaking to Rude. "Don't look at me like that. I know what you're thinking, yo. I know so quit reminding me."

"…" Rude's silent for a second and I know he's listening for me to show up but I think he's shocked too at how Reno spoke to him. I decide to stop eavesdropping and show myself.

"Sorry," I say coming around the corner. Reno's leaning back in his chair looking as at ease as ever. Rude looks a little tense. "I dropped something and had to get it," I lie badly. Reno seems to not notice which is good. Rude probably knows I lied but that can't be helped. I don't know why I lied. I think I might've had something to say to Rude once but I forget.

"Cecilia!" Reno says brightly getting up, "I heard that Heidegger is going to give us vacation sometime soon, yo."

"Oh?"

"I was just telling Rude about it." Reno gets up and I notice him flinch.

"You okay?" I ask walking over to him. "Your shoulder… is it getting better?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I'm fine, yo."

I let myself smile a little at him. He grins widely back. I swear I see Rude frown at us off to the side but by the same I actually can focus my eyes on him it's gone. Of course hiding what you're really feeling is a apart of being a Turk though Reno seems to not care for that. I'm not too great at it either.

"I don't feel like doing anything right now," Reno says leaning on his desk. I see that his injury forms are only half filled out even though he's had hours to do them.

"That's new," Rude says.

"How about we go back to your place, Rude?" Reno suggests with a shrug.

"My place?"

"Yeah. Mines a mess-"

"When isn't it?" Rude says, and I swear I see him smirk.

"Exactly, yo." Reno says with a wave. "I'm sure Cecilia's place is fit perfectly just for her and if we went in there we wouldn't be able to move… so your place."

Rude sighs and leans against a nearby wall and adjusts his shades. "Well… what do you want to do?"

"I dunno, yo. Maybe watch a movie or something, like we do sometimes. Your place is perfect for lazing around in." Reno looks over to me. "Perfect plan, right, yo?"

Rude sighs (and again I think I see a small smirk on his face) and starts walking. "You'll follow me home no matter what I say, so lets go."

We start walking and leave the building. I'm glad that we aren't going into the slums, not that I think Rude lives there, just every time I have free time with the it seems we have to go there.

I watch them as I walk a step behind letting them lead the way. Reno's hanging off Rude as we walk, with one arm slung around Rude's shoulders. Rude doesn't seem to mind at all as he walks in his upright and very professional manner. I can't help but think about what a storage pair those two are.

"Oh!" I gasp as I walk into someone hard enough to knock us both over. "I'm sorry," I say scrambling to my feet. "I wasn't watching!"

"Oh, it's quite alright," says the woman as I help her to her feet. She wears a red over coat with a pink dress. She has long brown hair with a pink bow in it. She must be a flower girl because she has a flower basket with her. She smiles warmly at me. "Would you like a flower?"

"Sorry, but I have no money on me," I say lamely, "they're quite lovely though."

"They are, aren't they?" She looks over my head and her eyes get all big and scared looking. I look back and all I see are Reno and Rude. They're walking away so I'd better catch up quickly.

"Is something wrong?" I decide to ask before I go.

"Go away!" She says to me suddenly backing away. "I'm not coming with you!"

"W-wait!" I call but she's already running away.

I frown a little, wondering what her problem was. Reno and Rude are getting farther away. I can't do anything for her. I turn around and run to catch up with Reno and Rude. Reno's talking as much as ever and they don't seem to have noticed that I was even not with them. I don't bring it up and fall into step behind them.

Rude doesn't say much. I can't read him but Reno can and keeps talking enough for all three of us, filling in for Rude when he needs to. I feel like I'm walking a little too close to them, but Rude is even closer to Reno so I ignore the thought. I don't know how Reno keeps talking, it's amazing. He never seems to run out of things to say. Right now he's talking about how stuck up some of the SOLIDER members can be, especially the 1st class ones.

Rude's place is actually an apartment on the fifth floor of some building I'm not familiar with. I don't live anywhere near here. He opens the door to his apartment with a sigh as Reno strolls in like he owns the place. I see when I walk in that he's here enough that he has somethings here.

It's a spacious place. Much bigger than my own apartment. It feels like it might be lonely to live here by yourself. It's so big. Maybe I'm just not used to all the space. Reno walks past the kitchen and throws himself onto one of the couches, stretching and taking up all the space.

Rude closes the door behind him and motions for me to have a seat. I take off my shoes first so I don't get his place too dirty and I hang up my uniform's blue blazer on a near by coat rack.

"Rude!" Reno calls, "What movies d'you got, yo?"

"Same ones as always," Rude calls back from the kitchen.

Reno sighs and rolls off the couch and crawls over to a stack of movies. "Help me pick one, Cecilia."

I walk over and squat beside Reno who's sitting cross legged looking at the movies. Rude has quite a few. I'm seeing many of the with Reno's name taped onto them though. I frown. There's too many action movies. I'm sure that they're not up for a movie I'd like but there has to be one that I can sort of sit through, right?

"What haven't you watched?" I ask.

"Rude!" Reno calls again loudly. "What haven't we watched?"

"Hold on a second," Rude says patiently.

"What's Rude doing?" I ask.

"I like to snack during movies, yo. I make Rude cook," with a wave of his hand he goes back to looking. He throws the ones that they've either watched or he doesn't like over his shoulder and onto a couch.

"Yeah, well, I don't feel like cooking today," Rude says coming over and looking through the movies with us. Reno frowns. "Don't worry, I'm making air popped popcorn."

Reno smiles brightly and continue throwing movies over his shoulder.

I find I'm looking at the both of them. I'm used to Reno not acting professional, but this is the most unprofessional I've ever seen Rude. He's still in uniform, his shades are still on (I'm starting to think that they never come off) and he's acting and talking like he's still at work but the air he's giving off is so… different.

Vaguely I'm trying to think if he always gets like this around Reno but I can't really concentrate on it-

"What about this one?" Rude asks holding up a movie.

"Sure, yo."

"Alright?" I say not sure of what the movie is even about. It just has a neat cover, which is why I'm sure Reno said okay to it.

Rude throws it on the Tv and says to fill him in on what he missed to Reno. Reno just waves his hand at Rude and I guess this is what he usually does. Reno takes a seat on one of the couches that looks almost moulded to his form. I decide to sit on one of the couches that looks like it hasn't been used in a while. I feel like I'm intruding on something that's theirs.

Reno raises an eyebrow at me and pats the spot next to him. Hesitantly I get up to sit next to him. Because of how the couch is and where Reno's sitting, I find that I'm sliding into him. He doesn't seem to notice or care because he's a relaxed looking as ever.

Rude comes to sit next to me and I guess I'm in his spot.

"I can move," I offer.

"Nah," Reno says before Rude can reply. "Just sit still and watch the movie."

Reno quickly fills in what has happened in the movie to Rude. I get stuck with the popcorn bowl in my lap because I'm in the middle.

The movie is some action adventure romance horror mix. I'm not sure. I have a nasty habit of talking through movies so I bite my tongue and I don't say a word. Reno on the other hand is commenting on every aspect of the movie. I don't mind and I'm guessing that Rude doesn't either. I find myself commenting on the movie just like Reno and I'm not even sure of the plot of this thing anymore.

"All horror movies are stupid, yo," Reno says. "They never have any brains. You tell them not to go into the cellar where the killer is, and what do they do, yo? They go into the cellar. If they'd just _listen_ to me…"

"It wouldn't be much of a horror then would it?" I say.

"Thats what I'v been telling him," Rude says.

Reno reaches over my head and pushes Rude's head to the side in a friendly manner. Reno insisted on having the lights off to watch the movie so I can't see what face he makes. But he seems almost cheery, instead of that usual emotion range of rock he gives off.

The rest of the night goes on like this, and Rude needs to make popcorn about three more times because Reno can really pack it away.

"Stupid, yo" Reno mutters under his breath at the movie grabbing a hand full of freshly popped popcorn with one hand and then sliding his other arm around me. Suddenly I'm aware all too much of every point of my body touching his and that I'm not just an observer. "Always in movies the guy always seems to go for the chick that's oblivious, yo. Can't they see when the guy is trying to tell them: 'I like you, yo'." he comments to the movie before stuffing his face with popcorn.

I laugh a little. "But that's what makes the movie good," I say. "If every one knew right away there'd be no story."

Reno grunts and for a second I think he's going to remove his arm from around me, but he doesn't. Instead I feel him hold me a little tighter. If I hadn't been so aware of his arm I would have never felt it.

Rude scoffs a little looks away from the movie screen for a minute and even through the darkness, I can see a frown.


	12. Routine Mission

_This is about 4000 words. YAY.  
>I tried for action... but I think I failed. Anyway I have a feeling this chapter might be a little awkward.<br>Recently I've joined this RPG thing and it takes up a lot of energy and time. It's getting hard to keep Cecilia and this other character separate. Anyway, I hope this chapter isn't a let down... aha._

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><p>I blink my eyes open. I guess I fell asleep at some point last night. Just for a second I wonder where I am. I push myself up into a sitting position and rub my eyes. I feel something slide off my back and I shiver against the sudden cool air. At first I think it's my jacket that I'd apparently been using as a blanket, but it's much too big and worn to be mine.<p>

"…You're up." Rude says walking into the sitting room. He's as cool as ever now. He's acting like the Rude I know. "That's Reno's jacket," and I think I might even hear a bit of bitterness there. "You can use my washroom to clean yourself up. We're wanted at the Shinra building as soon as possible. They have a mission for us."

"Could I use your shower?" I ask timidly.

Rude nods. "I woke Reno up earlier, he sleeps in worse than you, but I have a feeling he snuck off into my room to sleep on the bed, wake him up for me."

"Thanks."

I walk around the corner into Rude's room which is very clean with a big bed. And here's Reno sprawled out on the bed. I'm guessing he just threw himself on it and didn't actually crawl in because he's laying across the bed instead of in it.

"Reno, wake up!" I say, but he doesn't move. Not even a grunt of acknowledgement. I frown. "Reno!" I say a bit louder this time and shaking him until he swats me away with a lazy hand. "Get up!"

"I will…" he mutters.

"We're wanted soon!"

"Then you get ready first, yo."

I sigh a little and leave. Rude hands me a towel before I go into his washroom. I can't get over how clean his place is. Spotless. Everything is organized and where it should be.

(It might be cleaner than my place…)

Gingerly I step out my uniform and jump into the shower, shutting the shower door behind me quickly. It's a glass door, which is a little unnerving. It's smoked, frosted, and tinted so I can't see through and I'm sure no one on the other side would be able to see in but I can't help but be nervous. I've always hated showering at other people's houses.

I figure my way around how to work his shower and manage to turn it on. The hot water feels nice. All the shampoo I'm guessing is Reno's seeing as Rude has no hair. I squirt some into the palm of my hand and start working it in my hair. I hate to say that it smells good, but it does. I'm probably going to smell like it all day now, too.

Then the door to the bathroom opens.

"Yo," comes Reno's voice.

"R-Reno!" I gasp. "Get out of here!" I'm trying to cover myself stupidly and I turn my back to the door.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah. Not like it matters, yo."

"It does!" I say. "Now get out!"

"Rude doesn't complain this much," Reno mutters and I hear the sink turn on.

"So?"

"Anyway," Reno continues like I haven't spoken. "I'm going to lend you one of my shirts because you're going to want to change out of the one you've been wearing. I want it back, yo."

"Alright." I say. I can't wait for him to get out of here.

"Quit worrying, will you? I can't see through the glass. I have to get ready too, yo." I hear him rummaging through the doors and pick something out. From the sounds of it he's brushing his teeth.

"If you keep standing there you're going to waste all the hot water, yo."

My face is burning. I don't say anything and I awkwardly start showering myself. I'm still paranoid about Reno being able to see through the shower door, and so I'm finding it hard to shower as quickly as I want to.

"Are you done yet, yo?"

"I would have been done faster if you'd left like I'd told you to." I mutter doing up the last button on Reno's shirt that's much too big for me. I tuck the end of the shirt into my pants and grab my jacket. My hair is still wet but there's nothing I can do because we're heading out the door.

"…We're coming," Rude says into his phone as we walk quickly to the Shinra building. I nearly have to run because my legs are quite as long as Reno's or Rude's. "We'll be there in a few minutes."

"What does Tseng want, yo?" Reno asks.

"It's a very important recon mission," Rude answers.

"Where are we headed?" I ask.

"Wutai."

Quickly we make our way to the Shinra building and up to the 64th floor. Tseng's waiting for us and he doesn't look amused. Rude and Reno pay him so mind but I mutter a quick _sorry_ to him. My partners look presentable and they have established positions (I've even heard Reno's second in command) whereas I'm still the new one. My hair's a mess and wet, I probably smell like Reno because I used his shampoo, and I'm late on top of it all.

"Some sources are saying that Wutai is readying itself for war."

"Didn't they just lose one, yo?" Reno asks looking rather unimpressed.

"Indeed they did, Reno," Tseng says with a touch of impatience in his voice. "As you _should_ know though, they weren't too happy with the outcome. Right now is the perfect time for them to have us believe that they're done and then attack when our guard is down."

"Our guard is never down," Rude says. I don't say anything.

"Exactly. I want you to go, and see if our sources are correct or if they're just making it look like they're doing something over there besides drinking."

"Routine mission then?" Reno asks putting his hands behind his head.

"Routine mission," Tseng says with a nod.

"Alright, then lets get going, yo."

As always we get taken up to the helicopter and I sit in the back. Reno takes the pilot's seat and Rude takes co-pilot. Reno takes us up quickly and smoothly. I'm always surprised he doesn't crash us after thirty seconds in flight.

It's a long enough ride for my hair to dry and for me to contemplate going back to sleep. The ocean, although looks very nice from land, gets sort of boring to look at when that's all there is to see for miles and miles. It's a little scary, too.

"Cecilia," Rude says as we start coming onto Wutai, "You're going to go ahead first while Reno and I find somewhere to land the helicopter."

I look to him.

"He's saying you're going to have to jump, yo." Reno says. "Don't worry, I'll pass by slowly and real low for you." Reno gets closer to the ground and I get ready to jump. To be honest, I'm not really all that scared of jumping. "Go!" He tells me.

I jump.

All the air feels like it's getting sucked out of my lungs and I feel like I can't breathe as I fall towards the ground. I land with a _thud, _stumbling a little, but I'm alright. Rude looks out of the helicopter once at me, I guess to signal to Reno that I'm alright. Reno landed me nice and close to Wutai so it's just a short walk.

Wutai is a town much more different than anything I've ever seen before. It's in a mountainous place and the first thing I notice is the big statue of men carved into the mountain. The next think I notice is the fact that the buildings are different from the ones in Midgar. I can't compare them to Bone Village, Gongaga, or North Corel because the people living there all lives in things no better than tarps.

The buildings look historical, though I can't tell in what way. They have tall slanted roofs with grooves in them. Most of the rail guards and bridges, and railings are painted red and gold. The buildings are made of brick and wood, unlike Midgar which is mostly concrete and steel. There's a river that cuts through the town and the first thing that I find myself thinking is: _A tourist town?_

As always the people who see me and recognize my uniform instantly don't like me. They frown openly at me, some refusing to even look at me. This place definitely looks like a place that would have an underground operation considering they just lost the war.

I don't speak to anyone as I walk through the town. It would be pointless if I did. I know already they wouldn't answer me truthfully. Everyone is acting normal, but I suppose they would. I'm sure the person in charge wants to keep what he's doing a secure secret if he is doing anything at all. A whole town can't keep a secret. The more people in on something, the more likely they are to slip up.

Besides the men carved into the mountainside I start to notice a few houses and a few shops as well. One strangely called Turtle's Paradise. A little ways in the distance is a big building with what looks like many roofs… which I'm thinking is absurd because there's no need for more than one roof on one building. It looks important so I decide to head over there.

People watch me walk through their town. I'm sure that if I wasn't in this uniform this place might be pleasant but right now it's hostile. A ninja girl with short-cropped hair runs past me. I check for all my belongings once she passes and I have them still, which is a very good thing.

I stop once I get in front of the building with many roofs. I don't know where to begin looking.

After standing around for a minute I decide to check out the building I've been standing in front of. It's the tallest and seems to be the most important (and most strangely built) so I start walking. It's been a while since I've gotten off the helicopter and I can't help but wonder where Rude and Reno are.

I push the thought away and walk around to the back of the building. It looks like theres nothing here and I'm getting a few looks. Quickly I run one hand along the building as I walk past feeling for any gaps or breaks that might signal a back door. As I get to the other side, there's nothing.

There's a big house to one side and a gong on the other I notice as I walk back around the front of. The house is probably where the leader of this town lives. As much as I'm thinking that I'd find something there, I don't want to get caught inside. I decide to check out the gong first even though it doesn't seem too important.

Climbing the small staircase I see that there's a little mallet of sorts that can be used on the gong. I shoot a look over my shoulder and no one's really paying any attention to me. I hit the gong lightly with the mallet.

It's louder than I expected but no one really seems to care.

That's when I hear it.

A faint little _click_ sound is made and there's no way that it comes from the gong.

"Hey, do you think you could've made enough noise, yo?" Reno says as he gets here finally. He's with Rude which is a given, but there's a third person.

"_Shh!"_

Reno shuts up and I think I hear Rude let out a little chuckle. The little click I hear is doing something else now. Reno and Rude don't hear it because they're not listening for it.

"Something opened," I say looking around.

Rude gives me a look and Reno shrugs.

I walk back down the stairs and to where I heard the click come from. To my surprise, around the side of the building there's a narrow door. Right away I can see that Rude is going to have some problems getting in.

"Who's he?" I ask before we head through the door.

"Oh? Him?" Reno says as if he's forgotten that there was another person with us. "He's one of the men that feeds us information on Wutai, yo. His name's Locke. Been with Shinra for a while now."

I nod at him, and he nods back saying a small _hello_ in greeting. I turn away and open the door and walk through. I don't have a problem with the narrow door, and neither does Reno. The other two...

"…Well, what do you know?"Rude says after he squeezes in behind Reno and I.

"Good work Cecilia," Reno says with a grin. "And I thought you were just being a pest, yo."

"I'm not that useless," I mutter.

Reno looks a little taken aback and claps me on the back. "I never said that, did I, yo?" He doesn't let me reply and walks a head of me.

We're in a vast, dimly lit room. There's stairs leading back up but I'm sure that's not all that's here. We start looking around. Reno soon finds a trap door with a staircase leading further down under some fallen wooden planks.

"They really need to work on hiding things," Reno comments as we take the stairs down. I don't say anything but as always Reno's reading Rude, and he says, "I know you agree Rude."

We keep walking, Reno keeping his mouth shut for once. I can't explain why but I have a feeling of dread coming over me. LIke this isn't right. I choose not to say anything and keep walking. I might just be feeling a little weird to have Locke with us.

He's a strange little man. Short and stocky. Something about him doesn't sit right with me.

I'm noticing bits of scrap metal strewn about in the corridors and room we walk into. They're building something down here that's for sure. I haven't seen anything that looks like it could be used as a weapon just yet though. Locke doesn't seem to know any more about this place then we do. He seems to have very lucky guesses though on what rooms we should go into or what halls to turn down. I guess I'm a little glad to have him around.

"Jeeze," Reno mutters, "does this place go on forever, yo?"

"It can't," Locke says. "We have looked through the greater portion of it already."

"You say that like you know," I comment.

"Oh, slip of the tongue," Locke says in what I hear as a little bit of a nervous tone.

We continue walking and looking Locke continues to have his lucky guessing streak. It's actually starting to get on my nerves a little. Reno and Rude seem happy enough with Locke around with all his guesses that are always somehow correct. I guess I'm just feeling a little put out because again I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. These guys all know each other at least somewhat and then-

"Do you think there's another sat of stairs around here?" Locke says.

"Probably," I say probably a little too darkly.

"Well then let's look," he says brightly.

Not ten minutes later do we find a staircase, leading down again. I feel a little nervous going down yet another set of stairs but I do anyway. As we go the scrap metal is starting to get bigger and have more things look complete and more weapon like.

"I don't think there are our concern," Locke says, so we keep walking.

"It's dark in here, yo," Reno says as we enter a room as dark I can't see two inches in front of my face. I can feel that it's a big room. My eyes are taking longer to adjust to the dark than they should be.

The door closing behind us makes me jump and I hear Reno swear.

Suddenly I'm aware of people surrounding us and I hear Reno's EMR flare to life. It's the only light we have and it's so little that it's insignificant to use to see but that's not what he's using it for. He's aiming to kill whatever he can hit with it.

I hear both Rude and Reno gasp and fall to the floor like they were hit with a blow to their backs. I turn expecting mine with my flick blade at the ready (even though I know I can't kill with it I can injure….) but they grab my hand before I can stop them and they twist it painfully behind my back. I let out a yell of pain.

"Cecilia!" Reno gasps.

There's movement and I hate not being able to see. I hate it.

"Reno," Rude mutters.

"Where's Locke?" I ask.

Suddenly a bunch of lights flick on and I shut my eyes to avoid the burning sensation. Slowly I crack my eyes open. There's at least eight men in here besides us. Reno has a bruise on the side of his face and is standing now held in place by a big beefy looking man. I don't see anything wrong with Rude besides the fact that his shades are cracked a little. He too is held by a man bigger than himself.

I don't know who's holding me, I'm more concerned about that Locke guy. I don't see him anywhere- but then another big meaty looking guy comes out holding Locke. He doesn't look beat up at all. His clothes aren't even dirty.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Fine," he says. I think he sounds nearly cheerful.

No one speaks for a minute and so I start talking.

"So… I guess we fell right into your trap?" I say.

"Cecili-AH-" Reno's hit in the back and the air is knocked right out of him. He sags a little.

"You did," one of them men confirms after a second.

"So we're at your mercy now, huh?"

"You are," another confirms.

"And you'll kill us if we try anything, right?"

The man holding me laughs with enough force that shake with him. "Oh no. For Shinra lapdogs like you we're going to kill you at the right moment. Right now, isn't that moment."

"Oh." I say. "When will that moment be then?" I do my best to ask confidently but I'm sure my voice is shaking. I see Reno looking at me asking me what I think I'm doing, but I have it under control. I do. "Because," I continue, "I have some plans tonight, and I really can't miss them."

The man holding me laughs again and I feel like I'm getting the air knocked out of me. "Don't you understand what's going on?"

I change the subject and keep talking. They keep responding which is good. I don't know how long I talk for but I feel the man's grip on me loosen which is what I was aiming for.

I break free of his grasp and manage to cut him across the face with my flick blade. He stumbled back from shock and I manage to knock him down and out. In the confusion Reno and Rude do the same but again they manage to get themselves captured.

"Quit moving!" One of the men yells at me grabbing for my arm and actually getting a hold of it holding so tight and bending my arm in a way that makes me think it's going to break. I let out a scream.

"Bitch," the man spits.

"Cecilia!" Reno calls. "Damn it let go of me!"

"I've had enough of this, let me go," a voice says and past the near blinding pain the man who has my arm is inflicting on me I know the voice belongs to Locke. I know it.

"What?" Reno says.

The larger man lets go of Locke and he casually dusts himself off. "You're quite brilliant Cecilia," and he's waiting for me to respond. I'm a little busy gritting my teeth together to avoid screaming in pain. The man tightens his grip is that's even possible and I drop to my knees.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask through my teeth. "That I know I'm brilliant?"

"Oh no, I just wanted to see if you had it in you to speak at all."

"I swear to god-" Reno spits.

"Reno," Rude says as if nothing is happening. Like he's at his desk at the Shinra building telling him to get off his desk.

"Rude," Reno says in a tone I'm not used to hearing him use on Rude. "You know damn well if that was-" he cuts cut off as he's beaten down again. I find myself wishing to know what Rude's thinking. He can't be feeling nothing. Not at a time like this.

"You're brilliant because even I had no idea why you were talking," Locke continues. He walks over and grabs my chin forcing me to look at him, but I can barley keep my eyes open. My arm-

It's going to-

I can't-

It's going to break-

"Let go," Locke commands and my arm is free. I slump over onto the floor breathing hard.

I hear someone fight their holder and again get beat down. Why is Reno-?

Locke grabs the same arm that the man from earlier nearly broke and yanks me up to my feet. "I know all about you," Locke breathes. "You're the Turk that can't kill. I know I can do what ever I want to you and you won't kill me."

I can't look at him. I don't know how he knows, but he does.

"You've already displayed that here. While Reno and Rude both killed two of my men, you simply knocked him out," he pauses. "I'm going to need your cellphone."

"Why?" I gasp out.

Locke laughs darkly and grins in a way that makes me look away. "I need it to call Shinra. I want them to know that they were breeched and I want them to hear their best operatives die."

"You're sick," I spit, but I get him the phone anyway. There isn't anything I can do about it.

Locke dials Shinra's number into the phone and he has it so we can all hear the ringing of the phone.

I notice something about him. He thinks he has us. He's not afraid of anything. He knows I can't kill, that's why I'm here and not Reno or Rude. I wonder if they've noticed? Looking over at them it doesn't look like they do. I don't know how to tell them to do something. They could take down every man here right now. They're all thinking they're all powerful.

Reno moves into action and so does Rude and before I know what's happening there's a bang and Locke drops dead.

Looking over there's Reno with a gun. He's breathing hard and looks beat up. The two men that were holding them are dead and now there's just one two left. Reno turns and points the gun at the men but he doesn't pull the tiger.

I find I can't move. Locke's blood-

Pooling at my feet-

Just seconds ago this man was breathing-

Eyes-

Lifeless-

Dead-

"I wouldn't pull that trigger," one of the men says holding up a gun, while his partner has a grenade. No wonder we're so deep under the ground. It's a suicide mission.

Looking around I'm trying to see how likely we are to survive. Reno and Rude are right by the door. I'm unlucky because I'm closer to the back corner of the room. All thats near me are some crates and some scrap metal. The men are right in the middle of it all.

I see the man with the grenade's face change. And I know somethings wrong- again. His eyes get all wide and he's dropping the grenade.

"Oh shit!" he yells and there's barely time to think.


	13. Black

_Muse slowly dying for this story.  
>I'll do my absolute best to finish the story!<br>I will!  
><em>

_This chapter is short I know, but... I don't know.  
>I have plans to send them on vacation shortly so that I don't need to think up missions for a while.<em>

* * *

><p>I'm running into the corner behind the crates. There's a fair distance to go but I'm already three steps there. Checking over my shoulder everything seems to be moving so slowly because it can't be real. It just can't be.<p>

My heart is pounding so loud in my ears that I can't hear anything and yet it's too eerily quiet.

Something catches my eye. A flair of red hair moving. Is that Reno? Why would he be running towards me? Towards the grenade that's probably-

Probably going to kill me.

If I'm honest with myself I guess that's what's going to happen to me. I'm going to die. Because even though I'm moving forward still and the grenade's dropping still there's no way that even if I get to this corner and hide behind the crates I'm going to live. I'll probably land behind them and the crates will explode from the grenade and... I'll just be a pin cushion after that.

But Reno's still coming, and Rude is right behind him reaching out and grabbing the collar of his shirt pulling him back. At least Rude is smart enough to know to get out of here. I'm glad I got to be partnered up with them. The best team in all of Shinra.

The grenade clinks to the floor but it's going to go off very shortly, there's no escaping it.

I've gone another five steps closer but I'm not there yet. The men who started this are trying to get away but they're not going to make it. They must know that. They must know it like I know it.

The grenade makes a noise and after the next sound it makes it's going to blow and I'm still at least three strides away from what I'm going to be using as a sad excuse for shelter from this thing. I can't do anything now but hope and hope and hope that I don't die.

I'm jumping and leaping over crates before I know that I'm doing it. At the same time the grenades goes off deafening me for a second and the heat is so intense I feel like I'm going to die-

and I black out.

* * *

><p>It's black.<p>

It stays black.

I'm not sure if it's really loud in here or the silence is swallowing me whole. I can't feel anything so… I might be dead. I can't think of why though. Why would I be dead?

I remember flashes of things. People talking, people dying, a flash of red hair, and a grenade.

Right. The grenade. Like I could have forgotten. That's why I'm dead.

Now that I'm thinking about it… Reno killed Locke just then didn't he? It really wasn't necessary and I'm sure Shinra would have loved to get their hands on him for sure. Did that mean Reno would kill for me? Of course I've always known Reno would kill but I never thought he'd do it unnecessarily. Maybe he did kill… for me. And not just because I can't-

Not like it means anything now because I'm still pretty sure I'm dead right now. I mean, I must be. I can't feel anything at all and this silence is going to swallow me whole any second now and I feel so alone.

_Cecilia..._

Routine mission, huh? Who said that? It had happened just this morning and yet I can't remember for the life of me- aha, life- who said it was going to be just another routine mission.

Some routine _that_ turned out to be.

Reno said earlier that Heidegger might give us a vacation soon. I wonder where we would have gone. Seeing as I've never left Midgar before joined the Turks I guess going anywhere might seem like a vacation to me. I feel sad knowing I'm going to miss out on it.

Oh yeah, I'm still wearing his shirt aren't I? He'd said he wanted it back, didn't he? I hadn't meant to die on him.

The silence is so _loud_. It's going to swallow mw whole if something doesn't happen soon. I laugh to myself but nothing happens. Of course nothing would happen, I'm dead. This is death and I can't do anything about it. I can't move or feel anything. I'm just here. Forever.

_God damn it…!_

I don't know if the silence is getting to me but I think I might be hearing some ringing. Not like a bell, maybe more of a whine… just my ears. I'm starting to wish the silence back.

I wonder how people are going to take it? I mean… me being dead and all now. I suppose I should be more concerned with it, but… I can't do anything about it, and I knew that being a Turk was dangerous. I did it anyway. Maybe not for very long but I did it.

Funny that all I'm thinking about is the Turks. I always thought that if I died I'd be thinking about mom and dad and what they'd be doing but I'm not really. I mean I'm concerned for what they're going to do and react but…

If I'm honest with myself, and I guess I have to be because there's really no use in lying, I'm thinking about Reno and Rude.

I'm wondering if they're going to come back for me. I'm wondering how they're going to react. I don't think Rude's going to be happy, but he's going to be less grumpy I think. I don't know about Reno-

_Cecilia…!_

I think he'll okay too. Rude's there and I'm sure that's all he'll need.

_I swear to god I'll burn down this whole god forsaken place!_

Suddenly I feel like if I had any air in me it's getting squeezed out under some sort of crushing pressure. As uncomfortable as I'm feeling from it I also just want to press into it forever and ever because it feels nice in a way. Maybe I'm just imagining it but it feels warm.

I don't know what's going on.

This warmth though, I like it even though it's crushing me. I hope it stays forever. That numb blackness what torture now that I'm thinking back on it.

_It was supposed to be _routine_ damn it._

I don't know if I can actually move but I press into whatever warmth this is.

I wonder about my family now, Reno and Rude too because they became like my family in my short time with them. I wonder what's going to happen now. The crushing warmth lets go or moves away or does something. I push into it again, willing it to come back.

It makes me feel like-

_I know, alright? You don't have to say anything, Rude._

It makes me feel like everything's going to be alright. If I could just wrap my arms around it-

…_Cecilia…?_

Then maybe everything will be alright because to be honest I _am_ scared. I didn't want to die. If I'm left to just think all my- er, life… Death would I guess I would call it I don't want that and I don't want the only thing I can feel-

No thats a lie. I'm feeling something… like I'm finally getting feeling back in my own limbs. I can't feel anything past that. But my head it pounding now and the ringing in my ears is getting louder. I push closer to the warmth and I think my fingertips are starting to feel something.

Am I not dead?

_Cecilia…? Cecilia!_

My throat starts to thicken and I wrap my hands around whatever it is because if I'm not dead and this is what I'm going to hang onto to keep me alive or even in this limbo state then that's okay. That's okay as long as I'm not dead.

I hope I'm not dead. I'm so scared, that I might be dying now as I'm thinking and I don't want that. I had been somewhat okay with it, at the beginning I guess. Because if I'm dead- I'm dead and theres nothing I can do about it., but I might still be alive-

I can't be dead. I _can't_ be. I don't want to put my family through my death. I don't want my mom and dad to cry as their only child gets taken away. Please let me be alive. I like hanging around Reno and Rude too much to be dead.

I don't know what my feelings are doing to me.

_Come on…!_

I feel like crying and I don't know why. My body is waking up more and everything hurts now and I'm hanging onto the warmth that's crushing me again and I decide it's time to see if I can open my eyes.

"Cecilia?"

I can open my eyes.

Everything is swimming because I'm crying and the only thing I see is a blur of red hair. All I can choke out is: "Reno."


	14. Infirmary Break

_I'm sorry I'm taking forever to update now.  
>I'm really busy all this month and this week I have driver's training. I wanted this up by monday, but I got frustrated and believe it or not...<br>This... uh, chapter if I can even call it that...  
>Was erased about four times and re-written.<em>

_So, hopefully the next two (three?) chapters I post will be at least of... some quality._

* * *

><p>I'm in the infirmary when I open my eyes again. I shut them again quickly. It's much too white in this room for me. I'm covered in bandages and gauze and I absolutely hate this patient gown. There are breezes in places I think there should not be breezes. Reno visits me, Rude too, but mostly Reno.<p>

I can barely move and I've been bed ridden for what feels like forever but I know that I've only been here for a week or so. The medicine that these doctors have me on restricts how much I can move. Moving hurts too much as it is.

"Cecilia?" Reno calls.

"Yeah," I call.

He throws open the curtain thats there for me to feel like I have some privacy, but all it does it make me feel like a claustrophobic prisoner.

"You're looking better, yo," Reno says grinning and pulling a chair over.

"Do I?" I ask with a smile. "I must be the, because you're always telling me how terrible I look."

"Yeah well…" Reno says not quite looking at me. "When're you getting out of here anyway?" he puts on an annoyed face. "What it been? Eight days?"

"I get out once I can walk by myself," I tell him. "I don't know how long I've been here, but I've been guessing it's been about a week."

"Nah," Reno says with a wave, leaning back in his chair. "You've been in here longer than that, yo" Then he changes the subject, "… So, can you walk?"

"Why're you so interested?" I ask.

"Because you still owe me a drink."

I blink at him. I had actually forgot about that. How long ago had that been? If I don't remember how does he?

"C'mon," Reno says brightly getting up, "let's see how well you can walk."

I sigh and push my covers off, and even that sort of hurts me to do. I move my legs slowly and tenderly to the side of the bed and scoot myself to the edge. Gingerly I put some weight on my legs and right away I can see this ending badly.

The moment I put all my weight down, my legs give out. I let out a small gasp as I start to collapse towards the floor. All I can really do is shut my eyes and wait to hit the floor but I don't. Instead I hit something else that's warm and it feels familiar in a way that I can't place my finger on.

I look up and of course it's Reno who's caught me. I'm still amazed at the speed he can move at when he wants to. I push myself off him and start to use him as a sort of support pillar for myself.

"How about we go see Rude, yo?" Reno suggests. He sees the look on my face and he laughs, "I'll help you."

"Where is he?" I ask.

"Doing his paper work. It'll take us five minutes to get there."

The five minutes he meant was for if you could walk normally. With me on the other hand it's looking more and more like twenty. Reno's surprisingly patient with me and even offers to just carry me.

"It would be a real easy and fast if you just let me carry you, yo."

"No. I can walk."

We're almost to the elevator to take us up to the 64th floor. What would take Reno three steps is going to take me thirty seconds. It's a long time when you think about it and I'm starting to get fed up with myself.

Reno sighs and just tells me to keep going. Telling me It'll be good for me to get out of the infirmary.

"Rude!" Reno calls once we're close, but he's still a little too loud for the quiet of the Shinra building.

Rude looks up and he's still wearing his shades. Or maybe they're new ones because they're not broken anymore. They do look strikingly similar to his old ones though.

"Cecilia," he says in greeting, looking up only briefly before going back to his paperwork.

I have to say I feel much better now that I'm somewhere familiar.

Reno helps me sit down in a chair and even sitting upright like this hurts. I can't wait to be better so that everything stops hurting and so I don't need to depend on others to get me from point A to point B.

"How's work?" I ask. Hearing about work from Reno and Rude is the only thing that is allows me to know what's going on outside. The doctor doesn't even like that they tell me. He says that it adds stress to me, but I find it more stressful not knowing.

Rude looks like he's going to answer, but Reno cuts him off before he can saying, "Same as always."

I frown a little. "You don't have a mission update for me?" I ask. "I haven't left that room in- what did you say? Eight days?"

"We had a recon mission, yesterday" Rude says. He looks at me now. "Today we had another assassination to carry out. Reno took care of it in good time."

"Oh," I say.

Even though I know Reno. Even though I know what he's like, I still can't help but become a little scared of him every time I hear that he's killed. Rude is even a little scary being able to talk about it like it's nothing. Like he didn't just end someone's life.

"Rude, really, yo?" Reno says seeing my discomfort.

"She said she wanted to know," Rude says, adjusting his shades only a little.

"Rude's right," I say, "I asked."

Reno looks over to me. It looks like he might want to say something, but I can't tell. He closes his eyes and sighs. He leans sits on Rude's desk, right on paper's Rude's probably going to need soon, as always. "Alright, whatever you say then."

Somehow we get talking, Reno and I, not Rude really because well… he's Rude. I try to include him but he gives me short answers and nothing else. I find myself wishing I have the energy to keep up with Reno's talking but I can't. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep in the chair and I want nothing more right now than to crawl into the hard bed they have for me in the infirmary.

"Anyway so I was thinking- hey, you going to fall asleep on me, yo?" Reno says.

"Huh?" I blink and look up at him, not sure on what he'd just said or what he'd been talking about. "Sorry, Reno, what?"

Reno grins which I find a little surprising. "Alright lets go back then."

He slides off the desk and I reach for his hand for help. He takes it and helps me to my feet. I don't collapse to the ground again, but I have a feeling it's because he's holding most of my weight.

Then he lets go of me and quickly grabs me from under my knees to hold me in his arms. The whole ordeal is a little painful on me but now that Reno is holding me I'm quite comfortable.

I'm finding I don't want to move or do anything but to stay right here. My face gets a little hot when I realize that Reno's actually quite muscular. I always thought Reno was just a lanky man, but he's solid and not just skin and bones.

It hurts to try and keep as little of me touching him as possible and I let myself sink into his hold. Even though I can't see his face and I feel like I could just go right to sleep here… I have a feeling he's grinning to himself.

The walk is quick and I feel myself nodding off. I'm doing all I can to keep my eyes open.

Reno kick the door to the infirmary open. I hear the doctor say something in protest and then splutter a bit more when he sees Reno's got me. I'm not supposed to leave my bed.

"She's fine, yo," Reno tells the doctor walking past him and sitting me on my bed.

"Thanks," I mumble. I don't know why I'm so tried, but it's getting really hard for me to keep my eyes open and I just want to sleep. I'm not thinking straight. I know because I'm thinking about how cold the best is and how warm Reno is-

I shake my head clear.

"Yeah, yo. Not a problem," Reno says with a grin and a wave. "You know what might speed up your recovery?"

"What?"

"Once you get better Heidegger said he'll send us all to Costa De Sol."


	15. The Ride There

_Sorry this took me so long to get up. My muse for this story is slowly dying, but I'll finish it. I will._  
><em>I have 2 more things planned for this before the end.<em>

_Just wondering... What do you all picture cecilia to look like? I have my version, but I wanna know yours is seeing as I've never really said much besides the fact that she looks like a doll. _

* * *

><p>I'm better finally. It doesn't hurt to move or anything. I have to say I'm a little sad that I'm only going to be home for a few hours. When Reno said all those days ago that once I got better we'd be going on vacation, I didn't think he meant the next day.<p>

Shinra wouldn't let me go home until I passed all their tests to prove I was fine again, and once I did, they made me stay one more night. Then this morning they told me to pack my bags and get ready to be sent with Reno and Rude to Costa De Sol.

I've never been of course. I don't know what its going to be like, but I'm guessing sunny and with a hot spring or something because I'd been advised to bring with me a swimsuit.

I've never wanted to crawl into my own bed as badly as I want to do now, but I know that I can't. Reno's coming with Rude to pick me up to start our vacation. With my amazing luck I'll get into bed and Reno'll be banging down my door telling me that he's ready to go. Never mind if I am.

I can't remember right now for how many days we're going. I know I have enough packed for the trip though. I tend to overpack for things.

Not ten minutes later do I hear a pounding on my door. It can only be Reno because Rude, I feel, would knock like a normal person.

"Hold on!" I say loudly over Reno's knocking. "I'm coming!" I walk over and open the door for them. They have their bags packed and ready to go. "There's no need to break my door down, you know."

Reno shrugs it off like I had a feeling he would and walks into my house.

"It's tiny in here," he mutters. "How do you live in this place, yo?"

I feel my face burn a little at his comment. I know my apartment isn't the biggest, but it's all I need and it suits me fine, but after seeing Rude's place I did start to feel a little ashamed of how small it is.

"It's not small," I say a bit defensively as I walk to go get my things.

"Maybe not for you, yo," Reno says, "I can barely move."

I grab my things, and drag them to the door. "You have lots of space," I say looking over at him, and I realize then that Rude is standing rather close to Reno, so maybe he does feel like he has no room to move.

"Anyway," I say, "we're leaving now, and you don't need to stay here any longer." I know that I might sound rude but I really don't want them in my house right now. Not when I haven't even been in it for who knows how long and when I'm feeling so bad about how small it is.

Rude doesn't say anything, as ever, but Reno looks at me with his eyebrows raised. I don't look at him. I'm being childish, I know. A Turk doesn't act this way, I know. I can't help it.

"Alright then," Reno says, "Let's get going then."

We leave my apartment and I lock the door behind me.

Looking at Reno and Rude's stuff I know I overpacked. I think it's a little weird though, that we're all still in uniform. It's almost as if it's something we can't get rid of.

Thinking on it I'm finding it hard to remember the last time I actually wore something that isn't my uniform.

"Cecilia," Reno calls, "quit lagging behind, yo."

"R-right!" I say trotting along a little faster to keep up.

Reno's as chatty as ever, and I'm thinking that maybe Rude always stands that close to Reno. Maybe I'm the strange one for thinking he stands too close. But watching them Reno doesn't seem to mind most of the time. I swear though I see him move away and Rude get closer again.

Theres a car waiting for us once we get outside. I can't say I don't feel a little shocked when I see it. There are only a few cars in all of Midgar because the city is already so polluted any more from cars and people say it would be toxic to even live here.

I don't know how they're making people in the slums then, because I can't even breathe down there. Reno and Rude seem fine, but I can't do it. It must be toxic or something down there.

Rude takes my stuff and throws it into the trunk with everything else.

Reno's beside me when I slide into the back, and Rude sits up front. I almost ask if he wants to trade with me, but I stop myself. Would that be weird for me to do?

The car starts up and we start to move through Midgar. Reno's chatting away, holding a conversation with Rude and I even though Rude isn't talking. The driver looks a little annoyed with Reno but I see Reno flash him a grin. I guess it just means that they have a history and that Reno knows the man is just going to have to put up with him.

I find myself smirking a little. I turn away so Reno can't see, but he continues on, with probably more enthusiasm than before. Sneaking a look over at him I see he's grinning wider than ever. Checking over at Rude I can't tell anything. As always.

We're driven all the way to Junon. It's a big city, not as big as Midgar of course, but I'm still pretty amazed by it. It's obvious that this place is a hugely influenced by Shinra.

We drive right through it, much to my displeasure. I would like to look around but-

"Quickly, yo," Reno whines, "I wanna get started on my vacation already. Last time Rude and I were supposed to have one, we didn't even make it there before we got called in-"

"What?" I ask.

"If you get called in before you make it to your vacation, it gets cancelled, yo."

"That's unfair," I say.

"Tell me about it."

We all get out of the car and Reno and Rude quickly throw our things onto the cargo hold. I'm barely able to keep up with Reno as he runs onto the ship.

It's a nice enough ship. Clean with a crew that works hard. Or they seem to work hard anyway. There are people here that aren't from Shinra, but they look to be important.

There are some girls here who're near throwing themselves at Reno. He likes it of course. I find it hard to watch.

I walk over to the edge of the ship and lean on the railing. I block out everything I hear them saying to him. Stupid things like: _"Oh Reno, it's been so long, I've missed you!"_ and _"Looking as good as ever, Reno!"_ and _"Take me out on a date when we hit shore, okay, Reno?"_

What he's saying back gets on my nerves too. He's saying even more stupid things like: _"Oh, ladies, I've miss you all too, yo."_ and _"How am I s'posed to take such things from such pretty ladies?"_ and_ "Well, I'm pretty busy, yo."_

Rude comes to stand next to me, and I swear I see him frown a little. "He's pretty popular," he says suddenly. It shocks me a little.

"I see that," I say with a small, and maybe bitter laugh. "Like at the club?" I ask.

Rude adjusts his shades. "Like I said… He'll take whatever makes him feel good."

"So he's-"

"Do you remember what I said?" Rude says cutting me off.

"What?" I ask.

Rude doesn't answer me and walks away. I frown a little but stay where I am. The boat moves a little and we're on our way. I've never been on a boat before, but I don't think I'm going to have any motion sickness. I'm fine on the helicopters so I should be fine here.

"Don't lean over too far, yo," comes Reno's voice and it's so shocking I nearly jump out of my skin. "You might fall in." I look over to see Reno grinning over.

"I think I'm doing alright," I say. I go to say something else too, but someone cuts me off. A new voice that's obviously a girls.

"Who's she, Reno?" says a girl. I can tell right away she thinks she's on top of the world and that nothing can hurt her and that she can get anything she wants. I don't like her already. "She dose't look important."

Reno scowls openly which shocks me a little too. "This is Cecilia-" he starts but gets cut off.

"Why is she wearing a uniform like yours? She's such a-"

"Listen," Reno says sharply and from the look on the woman's face she's not used to being spoken to in such a tone. "This is Cecilia and she's my partner."

The woman looks at me wide-eyed. I don't really understand why. Her face changes to look at me like I'm the vilest thing she's ever had to look at in her entire life. She looks at Reno and then to me again.

"But- She- You!" She splutters out.

I blink. I don't really understand what she's in such a fuss about.

"Really, Reno, you should think about this decision you've made," she says, as she see's the blank look on my face. "There are many people who-"

I get it suddenly. Of course I know what Reno means by partner. That's what I am to him. A partner assigned to him by Tseng as a member of Shinra's Turks. This girl here doesn't know any of that though she just hears the word-

"No. She's my partner," and he slides his arm around me. I'm so used to this action now I don't flinch or do anything.

"Oh Reno!" The girl cries before running off. I watch her go without much sympathy for her.

"You're so kind," I say sarcastically and rolling my eyes.

"I know, yo," he says. I turn to go back to looking over the edge of the ship rail, but Reno still has his arm around me. From the looks of things he has no plan to move it any time soon.

Rude come back over with some drinks. Reno takes my drink from Rude and passes it to me even though I'm fully capable of getting it from Rude myself. I think he just wanted to be the one to give me the drink.

"Thanks, Rude," I say.

He doesn't say anything as always.

Now that Rude's here I am starting to feel a little awkward with Reno's arm around me. Reno seems to be acting the same as ever and Rude is showing the emotional rage of a rock… as always.

Reno tells me that everything is provided for us here on the ship, so things like dinner, and breakfast, but that there isn't much to do besides sit around and wait.

I don't know if Reno is keeping me by his side because he wants me there or what. Not that I dislike being around Reno it's just… his arm does get heavy after a while. But the instant I leave his side he gets swarmed by girls (and I think I've even seen some men) and I don't like to watch him flirt with all of them. Rude doesn't seem to like it too much either. But he'll find me a few minutes later and slide his arm around my shoulder and pull me in close.

Rude doesn't seem to like that either. Maybe even more than he dislikes Reno's fangirls.

"How long are we on this boat?" I ask at dinner. Reno is sitting across from me, and Rude sits beside me on my left, so that if I want to get to the isle I have to ask him to get up.

"We should get there tomorrow." Rude says.

"That's quick," I comment.

"Shinra's always trying to speed things up, yo." Reno says shoving a forkful of food into his mouth.

"Oh Reno!" come an annoyingly high and shrill voice. I watch Reno's face fall and I smirk a little. I think Rude does too. "Hello Rude!" she greets as if Rude wants to see her. I can _feel_ that he doesn't want to see her.

"Y-yo," Reno mutters.

"Why're you sitting here?" she asks, touching his arm in what I'm guessing she thinks is a flirtatious way. It looks more like a death grip to me. Suddenly she looks over and sees me. She frowns. I don't. "You should come eat with us, Reno!"

"No," he says, "I'm going to eat with my partner-"

I smile a little and look away so she can't see as he gets cut off with her protests. He was going to say partners but all she saw was me.

"Listen, yo," Reno says after a few minutes of this girls bothering him. "Seriously," and his tone changes like I've learned that it can do. It still scares me to see Reno go from his usual self to… _this_. "I don't want you around. If I did I would have done something about it, yo. You should know that by now."

Again, just like before she gets in a huff and leaves. Reno looks happy to see her go.

"So, kind," I say taking a bite of dinner. I try to sound light hearted like I did earlier, but I don't know if I succeed. I probably don't.

As much as I like Reno as a friend, his personality, how he can change like that scares me. I've seen him kill others without remorse more time than I want to count but that first time I saw him look into eyes of that man and fire the gun-

I can't.

I don't speak for the rest of dinner, or much until we go to bed. I don't know why I get like this because I know Reno is Reno and that he's going to kill more people because that's what we're supposed to do. But… just… maybe it's how he does it. With no remorse. Rude too. I find it to be almost inhuman.

"Why're you so quiet?" Reno asks as we decide to turn in for the night. Rude went a little before us. I'd been hoping Reno wouldn't' ask but he is now so-

"Have I been quiet?" I lie. I know I've been. I just… I don't know.

"Yeah, yo. You feelin' sea sick or somethin' yo?"

"Maybe," I say.

Reno looks at me over his shoulder and he seems to be feeling a little worry for me. I can't look him in the eye for some reason.

"Night," I say as I turn to go into my room. My hands on the doorknob when Reno puts his arm in front of me to stop me from entering my room. I look up at him.

"Somethin's up with you," He says looking down at me. I might be able to read faces well, but I know mine's an open book. Then his tone changes to something I'm not used to hearing as he says, "Cecilia."

I look at him when he speaks to me like that. Because I'm not seeing that sadistic Reno right now. I'm seeing Reno, the one that laughs and smiles and has a thousand and one different grins.

I can see he's trying to read me like I'm trying to read him. I find I'm looking right into his eyes and I feel like I'm going to be swallowed whole. There's something about him that pulls you in. Something I'm sure everyone feels from him.

I find I'm not looking away.

"Cecilia," he says in the same tone as before. Or maybe it's a little different, I don't know. I think it is.

"I'm alright," I say and it's the truth now. I can see he does not believe me now. "I'm okay, Reno. I'll be better though if you'd let me go to my room."

He doesn't move, and I'm still looking at him, just as he's still looking at me.

He looks like he's debating on something but I can't tell what.

"Reno-"

"Good night then, yo." He says, his eyes telling me he decided against whatever he'd been thinking about. Reno looks away from me and removes his arm and lets me get into my room.

He watches me open the door and I turn around to say goodnight before closing the door quietly behind me.


	16. Arrival and a Short Trip to the Beach

_What am I even writing?_  
><em>Muse for this died.<em>  
><em>Sorry.<em>  
><em>I'll do my best to finish. But... It's getting harder to update. I know I used to update everyday, but I have no idea how I did that. At all.<em>  
><em>It helps that I at least have things planned for this. But...<em>  
><em>I won't stop writing, but the updates might take a very long time to come now.<em>

[Edit: Last chapter I think, I asked for what you thought Cecilia looked like. I've seen some and they're all very nice! It's so interesting to see your creations!  
>Anyway, to be fair I'll show you a not-coloured, WIP I made of Cecilia.<p>

http:/ 26 . media . tumblr . com / tumblr _ lo91t8SS4C1qdzu5lo1 _ 400 . png

Just remove the spaces ;_;]

_This chapter I'm sure isn't going to be quality._

* * *

><p>The next morning I'm up and getting ready to go. We're to land in half an hour. Everyone is in a fuss and I'd be outside my cabin but because theres such a fuss if I leave I'll get run over for sure.<p>

I brush a knot out of my hair and then throw it into my day bag. I know any minute now, just like yesterday Reno's going to be attempting to knock down my door but I don't really care about this door so much as my apartment door.

"Cecilia!" comes Reno's voice. "Cecilia! C'mon! We're on vacation now!" and he starts knocking on the door in the same way I thought he would. I let myself a small smile.

"I'm here," I say opening the door for him before he breaks it.

"Are we going now, or are you going to make me wait 'till I die of old age, yo?" He grins but I can tell he's feeling impatient.

"I'm thinking of making you wait until you die," I reply. Reno grins wide and I let myself smile again. "Alright, I'm coming." I get my day bag that's filled with all my morning stuff, and I sit by other bag upright to I can pull it along behind me.. Reno waits for me and I can feel his gaze on me. I feel a little awkward under it.

I give my room one las check to make sure I didn't forget anything that belongs in my day bag.

"C'mon!" Reno ushers me.

"Alright, alright!" I say.

Reno starts me going, and just as I thought it would be the halls are packed and I;m right up against Reno. Sometimes we're stuck so close I can feel his breathing.

"Sorry," I say, but Reno doesn't move in anyway that shows he heard me. I'm guessing he did, but is choosing not to say anything.

We keep moving, and Reno somehow gets us through the densest part of the crowd and right to Rude. I notice again that we're all wearing our uniforms still even though we're on vacation now.

I don't know why I'm finding it so odd, this uniform has all but become apart of me. Then again, everyone here is wearing something that looks a little more… relaxed. While here we stand in our uniforms.

Rude adjusts his shades in a greeting. I don't know how Reno communicates with him so easily when he gives away nothing. I feel like I need some shades to communicate with the man.

Reno starts talking a mile a minute and I can't keep up over the loudness of everything else around. I'm sure as soon as someone sees Reno he's going to get bombarded with his never ending fangirls. Everyone just seems to want a piece of him.

Walking away from them I push my way through some people packed tight. I get to the rail and I lean over it much farther than I would say is safe but my feet are still touching the deck so I think I'm alright.

We're about to pull into Costa De Sol and I guess because we're pulling into the port the place doesn't look too great. It's going to be hot and sunny though. Nothing like Midgar at all. I want to take in that breath of fresh air, but I'm feeling a little claustrophobic with all these people around me.

Someone grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me easily back onto deck.

"Hey!" I say turning to see who it is. To my surprise it's not Reno, instead it's Rude. He looks at me through his shades and I feel like he's eyeing me, like I'm a child, through his shades.

"We don't need you falling in before we even land."

"O-oh."

"We're about to land soon," he says, "Come back over to Reno and I. We need to make it to the Inn all in once piece."

I don't say anything, Rude makes it clear that he's not going to speak much more. He leads me back to Reno who's been swarmed with girls in the two minutes we've been gone. He's got his arm around one and I find I can't look. I notice Rude isn't looking either.

I chance a look and he's got his arm half slung around some woman. I don't know which one she is. The thing I'm noticing though is that she isn't pulled in tight like I usually am. I might just be imagining it though.

The boat finally gets itself docked and we're being let off. I get pushed right up against Rude. Just as tight as I did before when Reno and I were trying to get out here.

Stumbling free of everyone once we get off the boat and I find that I've gotten separated from my partners in the mix. I'm not tall enough to see over well… anyone.

Following the crowd seems to be like the best idea so I do. Soon they all go their separate ways and I'm wandering lost by myself. I walk until I come to a bridge that leads to the heart of Costa De Sol.

Right away I'm seeing that this town is nothing more than a resort town and that it's just thriving off the tourism. Most people are running around in shorts or short little sundresses, or they just went around in their swim gear. Some don't even look like they're designed to cover anything, but, their choice.

I keep walking. The Inn isn't hard to find, which is good, and a little expected. A resort town wouldn't be very good if the tourists can't find the Inn.

Walking inside, it's surprisingly nice. I walk up to the counter and the receptionist can't be very much older than me. He's trying to act cool, but I can see he's getting flustered.

"Hello," he says to me, trying to look impressive. He goes to prop his arm up on the counter like something out of a movie but his elbow hits something and knocks it right off the counter. I manage to catch it before it hits the ground.

I hand it back to the boy and he blinks, impressed. "You're good," he says.

"Thanks," I say not really knowing what else I'm supposed to say.

He's really flustered now and he doesn't even know what he's doing.

"I have a reservat-"

"You're a Turk?" he asks, now noticing my uniform. I bite my lip. He obviously knows I'm with Shinra, and I'm on the reservation under Shinra… but for some reason I feel like I shouldn't be telling him. There's no hiding it though.

"I am," I say, looking him right in the eye. I see him swallow and to my surprise instead of hate crossing his face. He looks impressed. I think it's only because he's trying to hit on me.

"It says a room for thr-"

My hair is moved in a familiar way and then there's the all to familiar weight of Reno's arm around my shoulder's pulling me close. Vaguely I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't let him put his arm around me like this, but I'm not moving. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that I've been doing that a lot. I push the thought even farther back.

"That's right, yo, room for three," Reno says.

"Under Shinra Turks," Rude adds. "Everything should be taken care of. We just need you to show us to our room."

The boy goes through the register to find us. He keeps looking at me though and he's trying shoot me a suave look. I don't show any sign for recognition and I feel Reno's arm tighten around me. It doesn't deter him.

"Follow me, miss," he says to me, ignoring the fact that Reno and Rude are the other two of that belong to the room of three.

We're lead down a corridor. For some reason I'm fining that I want to take off my shoes and church my toes in the carpet. It looks really soft. Reno slides his arm off from around me but only because we have to go up some stairs and carry our heavier bags.

Our room right down at the end of the hall. The end and corner rooms are always the best. Easy to remember where they are and I find that they're always a little big than the rooms in the middle.

"Here's your room," the boy says opening the room with a key for us. Rude holds out his hand and he's given the other key so we can get in ourselves.

Rude goes into the room first and I follow.

"You got the other key still, yo?" I hear Reno ask. I stop for a second, just to listen. What did it matter if he has a key or not?

"I do," the boy replies.

"I want it."

"Why?"

"You should know by now we don't trust no one," Reno says. I note he's talking like this is routine, but the boy doesn't seem to know what Reno's doing. I don't get it either. I guess he knows what he's doing.

The room is big and right to my left is the bathroom and there's two beds just a few steps past it. Both beds have a night stand and a lamp next to them. There are big windows on the right looking out over the beach. I have to say it's very nice and spacious. I'm a little concerned about the two beds though. We'd been put down as three-

"There's a door here," Rude says, noticing the look on my face. "Your bed is in there."

"Oh," I say feeling a little stupid.

I take myself with me through the door and there's a bed waiting for me, and a night stand… what it is, is a room attached to a room by a door. Not like it's done poorly, it's just an odd little room.

I throw my stuff into a conner of my little room and walk back out to where the two bed are. I sit on one as Reno comes in, shoving the key he managed to get of the receptionist boy into his pocket.

"The beach, yo," he says with a grin. "We're going." He makes a statement.

I look over to Rude to see what his response is going to be. I don't see him much of a beach type person. He's looking at Reno though. I can't tell what he's thinking, as always, but he seems to be eyeing Reno a little.

"Sure," I say. "The beach would be nice."

"Then it's settled, yo," Reno says with a grin. "Let's get changed," and he starts to go through his stuff looking for his towel and whatever else.

I go back into my little room and open up my bags. Frowning a little I'm starting to wish that I put all my things together and not all over the place… because here's my towel, and here's the bag I packed for the beach, but where's my swimsuit?

Reno comes in, and I'm still looking through my stuff.

"Can't find your stuff?" He asks.

"No," I tell him, looking over- and looking back to my suitcase right away. For some reason I hadn't been expecting him to come in with his swim trunks on. I wasn't prepared to see so much skin al of a sudden from him. My face is hot and I'm suddenly ver interested in my suitcase and the floor and anywhere but Reno.

"D'you need help finding it?" He asks coming over.

"No," I say again, scooting away a little. He's too close wearing far too little. "I'll find it, why don't you go with Rude to the beach and I'll catch up?"

At first I don't think he's going to go, but then he stands up.

"Alright then," he says, "Rude, let's go! Cecilia says she'll catch up later, yo!"

I wait for them to leave before I go back to looking for what I need.

Once I find it I start mentally kicking myself. After emptying all my bags I found it in my day bag. I remember putting it in there and thinking 'We're probably going to go to the beach so I'll put it in my day bag so I won't have to go looking'.

I change into it quickly and wrap my towel around myself tightly. I walk quickly down the stairs and the receptionist boy gives me a wink that I do my best not to see.

Finding the beach is easy, because all the streets seem to lead there and it's the biggest attraction this place has. Reno's red hair and Rude's… baldness are easy to spot. Seeing Rude without his uniform surprises me a little. From this distance though I think Rude is standing much closer to Reno than I think he should be. Not that there's anything wrong with how close he's standing, I just wouldn't stand that close to anyone.

I give a wave to catch their attention. Rude looks over and of course he's still wearing his shades. Reno still has his goggles on his forehead too.

"Took you long enough, yo," Reno says with a grin.

"It was in my day bag," I say.

Reno eyes me. I check myself quickly. Is there something wrong?

"So after all that you're going to hide behind that towel, yo?"

My face heats up. I know that to go swimming or to do anything here I have to take the towel off, but I find I'm only pulling it tighter. There's nothing wrong with my swimsuit. It's not skanky or anything, I just feel… intimated by Reno's stare.

"Just for now," I say. Reno frowns a little.

Rude seems to be focusing all his attention on Reno, but I can't tell what he's thinking because those shades of his still hide his eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye I see some girls looking and pointing over at us. I guess if I'm more specific they're looking at Reno. He grins over at them and they run away giggling. I manage to keep myself from frowning.

"You're going to get heat stroke if you stay in that towel, yo," Reno says, turning his attention back to me. "You're in Costa De Sol. Even Rude took off his uniform."

I frown but I see that I'm not going to be able to put it off any longer. I unwrap the towel from around myself and start to fold it a little so it's easier to carry. Hate to say it, but without the towel around me, I'm cooler for sure.

Reno's looking at me. I can't tell what he's thinking. The face he's wearing is one that is trained. One that gives away nothing. He doesn't want me to know what he's thinking. If he's hiding it from me when usually he's so open… I feel a little bit of worry in my stomach. I check Rude, and he's still looking at Reno. His posture is straighter now though… ridged.

"Happy?" I ask.

"Yeah," Reno says brightly with a crooked grin. I don't need to look at Rude to know he really doesn't like that. Reno doesn't seem to notice. I starting to think maybe he dose notice and just pretends like he doesn't.

"You can put your towel over here with out stuff," Rude says to the first time since I got here. "It'll be safe."

Nodding I throw my towel with their stuff.

The next thing I know Reno's arm is around me and leading me over to the water. Although I'm used to this gesture it's too much skin contact for me. I'm not used to this sort of nearness. I feel the heat creep back up to my face and I do my best to push it away.

Reno's got a beach ball under his arm and so I guess we're going to be throwing that around. I can't get over the fact that Rude isn't in uniform and coming with us. It just doesn't seem right, but I guess even Rude needs a vacation. Even if he's still acting like he's on the job.

We walk until the water is at our ankles. I have to say I'm impressed with how clear the water is. It's not murky in he slightest.

"You going to just stand there looking' at your feet or what, yo?" Reno asks.

"Oh, sorry," I say.

Reno lets go of me and throws the ball up in the air before spiking it hard over to Rude. Rude manages to spike it back and Reno retaliates. I see it's a competition between the two. I don't really mind, it's amazing to see them go at it.

Soon other beach goers are watching too. To them I suppose it looks like two strange men trying to kill each other with a beach ball. There's a lot of girls cheering Reno on which I'm start to just expect, and there's just about as many girls cheering on Rude.

"Hey! Watch out!" Calls a voice and before I even know what I'm doing I'm hitting the ball away before it slam me right in the face.

"Sorry, yo!" Reno calls to me.

"Apologies," Rude says.

I shake my head as they continue. I think whoever gets hit in the head first wins.

"How'd you do that?" someone asks me.

"Oh, uh," I start. We don't have our uniforms on and it's sort of a weird realization for me.

"It's like you've been trained to do that!"

Laughing awkwardly I'm still trying to think up what to say.

"Lucky," I say with a shrug.

"Oh wow, you must be super lucky then," a girl says to me.

Suddenly I have a bunch of people around me. A lot of them are just saying _wow_ about me knocking the ball away a few are hitting one me, which I ignore. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand why they're talking to me like I'm amazing. I just hit a ball away that's all.

"It was nothing, really," I say hoping they'll all go away, but they don't because I have amazing luck like that. What I'm telling them isn't a lie, because to me it isn't anything but everyone's all impressed and of course I'm going to be attracting attention even if I don't want it.

"Cecilia," Reno calls and I look over. He's throwing the ball up into the air and spikes it over to me. Just like before I hit it away, a lot of the people around me though duck for cover.

I thought that was going to be the end of it, but Reno hits it back. I change it's course and it heads to Rude.

And thats how it starts.

People cheer us on, but I would really rather they not. It's fun though, and it turns out the the object of the game is to keep your head from getting hit. Rude got Reno in the head and that's how I know.

* * *

><p>It's been a long day and I catch Reno looking at me sometimes. He pretends like he hasn't been though, and just grins at me.<p>

I sniff, water drenched and cold now that the sun's going down. I go to my towel, pick it up and drape it around my shoulders. I frown. It's been kicked around in the sand, and I'm wet so all the sand sticks to me.

"Reno," Rude says, but his tone is different than normal. I'm expecting him to look at Reno, but he doesn't, he's looking away a little, and towards the sun that's setting.

"Yeah, that's a great idea, yo," Reno reads him easily as always and grins.

"What is?" I ask.

"Lets just watch the sun set," Reno says, "You never get to see one in Midgar."

Reno's got his arm around me yet again. He's right, I realize as I watch then sun go down. It's amazing to watch the sky melt away into the night. To watch the reds and oranges fade to purple then blue. In Midgar the skies go from light grey to dark grey.

"It's beautiful," I say

Reno laughs and Rude doesn't say anything at all.

Once the sun is fully set the breeze that has been blowing is no long refreshing but now rather chilly.

"Time for dinner the, right, yo?" Reno says clapping me on the back.

"RIght," I say, feeling hungry. I haven't had a chance to eat anything, really all day.


	17. Dinner and Thoughts

_...What the hell did I just write?_  
><em>I apologize.<em>

* * *

><p>The restaurant we go to turns out to be right across from the Inn. It's a a pretty high-class looking place. Lots of warm reds and rich browns, low lighting. In the booths, like the one we're at, the seats are leather and really nice. I have to admit though Reno looks really out of place here. We all do, actually… except for maybe Rude.<p>

For such a high-class looking place everyone in here is still in their beach wear. It's strange how the seems to work so well for this place. If I had seen this place in Midgar I would have never thought of coming here in my swim suit. I'd be afraid they'd kick me out. But here we sit, still damp with sea water and in the most informal clothing we could possibly be in.

Reno and Rude are actually looking though the menu. That makes me feel good, because now I don't feel like I'm intruding between the two. Like this isn't some routine for them that they share and I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

There's a lot to choose from here. Appetizers, entrées, sides, drinks, combos, fancy things, things you'd find anywhere, seafood, sandwiches, deserts… I don't know where to start. Rude seems to know what he wants and Reno looks about as confused as I'm feeling.

The waiter comes by to take our drinks and assures us he'll be back to take our orders. My face gets hot as I try to hurry up and decide.

"And what'll you have, Miss?" comes a voice. I blink looking over to see the waiter waiting on me. Reno and Rude I see have already ordered. If the hadn't ordered so fast I would have liked to know what they got so I could pick, but that's not happening now.

"Oh, ah, um…" I look back to the menu but I don't see anything right away and, "I have the Cajun seafood pasta…?" The waiter takes my menu from me before I can even register what I've ordered. I frown a little. "Too late to change it now," I mutter.

"Everything is very good here," Rude tells me, "You can't really go wrong."

"Oh good," I say with a smile. The meal sounds alright but I would have probably found something else I might've liked more if I had just a little more time to look. Out of the conner of my eye I see some girls looking over to Reno and Rude. I'm getting used to it now, I'm even sort of getting used to the cold stares I end up getting when they realize I'm with them.

The waiter comes back with our food. Though it's a new one this time. He's probably just a little older than me. He smiles down to me as he sets the table for us.

"Thank you," I say.

"Not a problem, Miss," he tells me with a smile.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Reno frown.

"What happened to the other waiter?" I ask.

The waiter blinks but smiles, "He wasn't feeling well so he left a little early. I thought I'd be nice and take over the rest of his shift."

"That was kind of you."

"Thank you," he nods and starts to leave, "I'll be getting back to work now."

He leaves and we start to eat. Reno doesn't look to happy but Rude looks a little happier. I think he does anyway. I still can't tell with him.

We eat and it's a surprisingly quiet meal. Reno talks as much as ever but he's not doing with with his usual enthusiasm and he glowers at the waiter every time he walks over to see how we're doing. Rude however is rather nice to the boy. I think he thinks that we're nuts.

The food is good too. It's great, actually. It's quite the experience to eat like this in my swimsuit. Though I have to say I'm feeling a little self conscious (well, more than before) I wrap my towel around myself to hide my bloating.

"Have room for desert, Miss?" the waiter asks me with a smile as he takes our plates.

"Oh, I don't know…" I say.

He looks at the plates, and he says, "You know, actually… I think…"

"What're you yammering about, yo?" Reno asks him rudly.

Our waiter pays him no mind and keeps talking to me. Not that I'm complaining though. I can only let myself smile a little as an apology for Reno.

"We don't do this for a lot of people, because it's more gill for us, but… if you order enough food we'll give you free desert," he smiles down to me some more, I find I'm smiling back just as big and out of the corner of my eye I see Reno frown a little more and look out the window. "It's free Miss, I'm sure you have room now."

"Oh well, I guess I do," I say.

"Alright, perfect, what would you like?"

"What would you recommend?"

"Anything," he says, "it's all very good."

"Then anything will do," I say.

He looks over to Reno and Rude and asks them the same. Reno shrugs and tells him to get whatever and Rude does the same. Our waiter gets a worried look on his face but assures us that we won't be disappointed.

"Hm?" I muse as Reno mutters something.

"I said I don't like him, yo," Reno repeats, but without actually looking at me..

"Why not?" I ask.

"He seems like a perfectly charming young man," Rude says. I can't say I'm not surprised that he's said anything. I swear I see me smile at me. Maybe a little tight lipped but I swear there was one there.

Reno scoffs a little over at Rude and goes back to glowering out the window. I frown a little at his behaviour. We're on vacation aren't we? Couldn't he lighten up? Just a little?

Our waiter comes back with some desserts and I get a strawberry cheese cake, Rude gets what looks like an apple pie, and Reno got something that reminds me of Struffoli. Reno doesn't say anything on it, probably because he dozen't want to admit that it's good.

I don't think I've ever had cheesecake this good. It's rich and creamy. I don't even want to think about how it's probably clogging my arteries. The strawberries are fresh and crisp. Sweet too, which is good. A bitter one would ruin it.

Half way through eating it I realize there's no way that I'm going to be a able to eat it all. Rude I don't think looks like he'd have a sweet tooth enough for this, but maybe-

"Reno, do you want the rest of this?" I ask.

He finally looks over to me, and I have to say I'm happy for it. His sulking has been making me a little depressed myself. I can't tell what he's thinking because unlike normal his face is as unreadable as Rude's

"Yeah sure,"he says a grin quick to come onto his face.

I slide the plate over to him and he eats the rest of my cake for me.

"Lets get outta here, yo," Reno says as if he's distracted.

"Oh, okay," I say and Rude nods.

We wait for our waiter to come back he seems a little sad to see us leaving, or maybe just a little sad to see me leaving.

"I hope to see you again-" and I know he's trying to ask for my name, but Reno cuts him off.

"You don't need to know her name, and she don't need to know yours, yo," he says wrapping his arm around me, and pulled me right close. My heart is beating fast from the nearness. Somehow I'd forgotten he's shirtless and I can feel his body heat and-

"My apologies then," our waiter says.

"Cecilia," I find myself saying.

"Tobias," he says with a smile.

Reno holds me tighter and I give a small smile to Tobias as we leave.

I'm expecting him to let go once we leave but he doesn't. He keeps his arm around me tight. If he hadn't been shirtless I'm sure I wouldn't have a problem with it because he does it so often t o me now, but… he _is_ shirtless and I find I can't even look his general direction. I can't look over at Rude either because it's just pain _weird_ to not see him in uniform. I look at my feet.

"Do we want to go to the hot springs now?" Rude asks. I feel Reno shrug.

"I don't want to go today," I say. It isn't totally the truth, but it isn't a lie either. I want to go because it sounds nice, but I can't take being around Reno and Rude shirtless like this. Reno holding me close like this isn't helping. If he had his uniform on I don't think I'd be having such a problem but his skin is so warm against mine and-

I think my face is going to cause me to pass out from heat exhaustion.

"Oh, well, alright then, yo," Reno says.

"Tomorrow," I say. Hopefully we'll find something to do tomorrow and they'll have their shirts on all day so I won't be so overwhelmed.

"Tomorrow then," Rude says.

We walk back to the inn and I feel tired. Reno's not talking surprisingly and Rude never talks so that isn't weird. I haven't done much today besides eating and throwing a beach ball around, but I have no energy in me. I think it's all being used to send blood to my face that just won't calm down.

Reno shifts his grip on me and where his arm was exposes my back a little to the wind and I shover against it a little. As awkward as I'm finding this, Reno is warm and now my back is cold. I think he's going to leave his arm in the new position but he moves it again.

Is he asking me something? I look up at him. He looks down out of the corner of his eye at me and grins a little. I keep looking and do my best to keep the hot off my face.

"What's eating you, yo?" he asks quietly enough that I don't think Rude can hear. I blink. He saying it so quietly I guess he doesn't want Rude to know. Though, knowing these two nothing gets by the other. Still, I shake my head with as little movement as I can get away with. Reno looks at me for a second longer, and I know he's not believing me. He shrugs and keeps his arm tight around me.

Constantly trying to push myself away from his body is only making me more tired and he has an iron grip which keeps me in place. He's not really holding on that tightly I guess. I just can't move away without making too big of a scene, and when I do move it gets cold again. I just settle into his grasp.

Like before I'm not looking at his face, but I don't have to. I know he's grinning away to himself.

If it's possible my face gets hotter.

Back in the Inn Rude is far from happy. I can feel it coming off him. I stay away. Though I think he feels a little better about the fact that I nearly pushed Reno off me to get through the door of our room first.

The soft carpet feels good under my feet instead of my flip-flops filled with sand and small rocks that dig into my skin. I feel a little bad though. Most of the sand stuck to my skin fell off in the restaurant and I probably left a big mess.

What I really want to do though is just go to sleep. Beds at inn's are always nice and soft. I like the pillows the best though. I always end up with lines on my face the next morning and a dent in the mattress from where I laid all night.

Somehow though Reno's got us all on his bed and to be honest I'm just glad we're all in clothes again. It our pyjamas now, but it's better than all that skin from earlier. Just thinking about it makes my cheeks flare.

The Tv's on but I don't think anyone is actually watching it. I'm busy trying to keep my distance from Reno and debating on weather or not Rude is too close to Reno. I think he is. Maybe it's just me, but Rude seems really close to Reno. Though, Reno doesn't seem to mind. I guess he wouldn't because I've always comment on how close he is, but maybe they're just like that?

In anywise I don't think anyone of us is really paying attention to the Tv.

"There ain't nothing on," Reno mutters flipping through the channels, never staying on one long enough for me to even register what it's about.

"Then I'm going to sleep," I say getting up. I've been much too close to him for far too long.

Reno looks at me and I don't know why he's giving me the look he is. I'm tired and I just want to crawl into bed. It's been a long day.

"Alright, yo," he says, "night, then."

Rude nods at me and I crawl off the bed and go into my little sectioned off part of the room. I slide into it and it's as soft and inviting as I thought it was going to be. I close my eyes and start to go to sleep.

Or, I would if I could stop my thinking. It's not even anything important either. I'm just thinking about Reno's face when Tobias was talking to me today at the diner. Thinking on it a little more he made the same face when the lobby boy was talking to me too. I'm also thinking about Rude. I'm thinking about how I'm always wondering if he's standing too close to Reno, and how when he touches Reno his hands always seem to linger for a moment too long-

For some reason I'm thinking about when I first met Reno. When I took a club to the head for him and had bandages wrapped around my head for days. Reno beat that guy up later. Reno killed for me once too, didn't he? Locke? He'd even pushed me out of the way of a gun.

Rude smashed that man's face in until it was unrecognizable when he'd realized Reno had been grazed by that bullet. _Rude was probably angry with me,_ I thought. I've been trained under the same program they were trained under and I'm a Turk and Turks do what they must but yet… I can't kill. I just can't bring myself to do it.

(Reno-)

(With a gun-)

(Looking right at the man-)

I should be able to kill to be a Turk. Reno wants to hide the fact I can't from Shinra. But I should be able to. I had my flick blade on me when I had that gun in front of me. and I should have killed him when Reno told me to. It's been trained into me to trust my partners with my life and to do what they say- what Shinra says without hesitation but ever time I just… I just freeze right up.

(At point blank rage-)

I could have killed-

(Reno looking into his eyes-)

(Looking into the eyes of a man that knew he was going to-)

(going to die-)

I _should_ have killed. But I didn't. Instead I froze and stood there and nearly gotten both myself and Reno shot. We all could have died.

(The crack of bone and cartilage-)

(Rude's blind rage-)

They killed for each other and me. Turks kill. That's what they do. It's part of the job. I know that. I _know_ that. I can't kill though. I can't. I just can't.

Would I kill for them? Would I kill to save their lives, they've done before?

(I would, wouldn't I?)

Inexplicably I start thinking of how Reno's arm around me, and how warm he is when I let myself get close. I think of how it feels to just lean into him and-

My face gets hot yet again. I roll over and bury my face in the pillows hoping it'll calm down. Of all the things I'm thinking of course _that_ comes up. I'm never going to get to sleep at this rate.

Turning my face to the side so I can breathe I close my eyes and start to try a little harder to sleep. My mind is still racing, Still thinking about how close Rude get's to Reno. Still thinking about Reno and that grin that reaches right up to his eyes. I'm still thinking when I get myself to fall asleep.

(Blood, blood, so much blood-)

I have nightmares that night.


	18. Late Nights

_I'm trying to get this done! I am!_  
><em>A muse is coming back slowly... I think.<em>  
><em>Anyway this chapter is sort of... ghjdahjh so yeah.<em>  
><em>Sorry about that.<em>

* * *

><p>I'm exhausted.<p>

Thanks to those nightmares I kept waking up in cold sweat, tossing and turning all night long. I barely got any sleep at all. Then Reno and Rude came in at some ungodly time this morning and I just waved them away hoping I could get come sleep.

Of course I didn't, though. The sun was shining in through the blinds and I could hear everyone outside and I know once I'm up, I'm probably going to stay up. Maybe once in a blue moon will I be able to actually force myself to go back to sleep.

They came back and got me and the hot sun is only making my exhaustion worse. It's making me sleepy. I just want to crawl back into bed and lay there, even if I just lay there and don't sleep. The sun is just so hot, and my eyelids feel real heavy.

I can't shake the thoughts either. The ones from last night. They're creeping up on me more than ever and pushing them away is taking more effort than usual. I'm on vacation. I shouldn't be thinking about such things right now. I'm supposed to be relaxing and not thinking about work.

It's also not helping that it's way too hot today to be wearing anything than the bare minimum, which means we're all in our swimming gear again. Which means that they're both half naked... again.

I don't know how I'm going to survive this vacation if they're going to have their shirts off all day, everyday.

The other girls in the area aren't minding at all though. I can look any direction and see them whispering to each other and then looking at Reno and Rude. Reno more often than not will shoot them a grin and they'll get all red and run off giggling. Rude will sometimes adjust his shades but I'm never sure if it's because he's trying to get the sun out of his eyes or because he's responding to the girls. I think it's the former, but from how Reno's acting it might be the latter.

They're not the only one's being looked at. Everyone is being checked out by someone. Even me.

The boys looking at me don't seem to even register the fact that I'm walking in-between two men. They're thinking it's all fine. Reno frowns at maybe every other one. They usually frown back. I lower my head for the most part.

"What's going on again?" I yawn.

"We went to the beach while you slept," Rude explains, "Are you even aware of what time it is?"

"No," I say, feeling stupid.

"It's four."

I look over to Rude, my eyes wide. It's four and I'm still this exhausted? It's four and I didn't even realize it? How did I manage that?

"Anyway, you look terrible, yo, so we're going to the hot springs," Reno says. I smirk and let myself giggle a little. He looks over at me, frowning, but I know he isn't really angry that I'm laughing. "What?" he asks.

"It doesn't seem like something you'd want to go to."

Reno laughs, "Of course it is, yo. Lotsa nice ladies there, y'know?" he grins.

It takes me a second to realize I have a frown on my face. I wipe it away quickly, not even knowing why I had been frowning in the first place. I don't think Reno even notices and he just slings his arm around me.

Although this gesture has become normal, I usually resist, just a little bit, but I'm too tired and exhausted to resist this time, and I just let myself lean against him. His body is ridged for a second, I guess he's just not used to me being so… compliant?

I don't know I'm too tired to think on it, and I'm too tired to see Rude's reaction. His reactions are usually what gauge how much I resist Reno. The more angry I feel he's feeling, the more I resist. It's so hard to tell when a man that's like stone. I have no idea how he does it. I think if I could just get him to take off those shades off I would be able to know exactly what he's feeling but-

"We should be almost there," Rude says.

I smile. "Good," I say, "I'm just hoping I don't fall asleep."

Reno laughs and Rude just adjusts his shades. We continue to walk all the way across Costa De Sol to the hot springs. They're a little outside of town because they're actual hot springs. I didn't expect them to be real, seeing as this town is so tourist based. I thought they were going to be some man made.

Obviously there's a building and some fences and stuff blocking people from walking right on it, because it is here for money.

"Hello," the lady greets us.

"Yo," Reno says with a slight wave.

"Hello," Rude says walking forward.

As Rude gets us signed in and does whatever it is he needs doing Reno looks down and me and quietly asks, "What's up, yo?"

I know he's not _just_ asking how I am. Though I find I don't want to tell him. I'm not the best Turk as it is, I know that. I don't need him thinking I'm more incompetent than I already am. Loosing sleep over something I'm supposed to be able to do without a second thought.

I shake my head. Reno frowns. He looks like he's going to say something to me but he stops and looks to Rude with a grin. "We're all ready then, yo?"

Rude nods and we're allowed in.

I'd been thinking this whole time that they'd let us into the springs with out swimwear, apparently this isn't the case. They don't want us contaminating their springs so what they're making us do is shower first, then take off our street clothes as they're calling them, and then wrap ourselves in their towels that I'm thinking are way too short to really cover anything.

Well they do, I suppose, but I'd be happier with a longer towel. It's longer on me than some of the other women here. Some look like they're positively going to fall out of their towels. They don't seem to have a problem with it.

Neither do the guys, seeing as it's unisex.

Clinging to my towel tightly I slip into the water. It's nice and so relaxing I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep but of course I can't.

I don't know what's taking Reno and Rude though. I thought for sure that they'd be out here already. Well, actually… knowing Reno he might be hitting on some girls… I don't know about Rude though. He's probably with Reno. He's never really liked me much anyway.

There are two people near me really, uh, getting into it so I move away feeling very awkward. I don't understand how people can do that in public. I mean, it's great that they're so comfortable, but could they be a little less?

As nice as the spring is it's making me want to sleep, and that means those thoughts I've been pushing away are coming back.

Reno and Rude appear. They haven't seen me yet. Reno's not looking too happy with Rude. I can't imagine they got into an argument, but the look on Reno's face is telling me other wise. Reno spots me and grins widely, any traces of his earlier frown gone.

He sits beside me and Rude beside him. It's even harder to look at either of them. I'm dimly aware of how tightly I'm hanging onto my towel. They seem so relaxed, and I as too, at one point, now I'm just tense. I just want to go to sleep and do whatever it is they want to do tomorrow. Staying awake right now just feels like work-

"Y'know last time we were here, I got us kicked out," Reno says.

"You did?" I ask, not looking over.

"Yeah he did," Rude says with a frown. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"I'll trust you on that then," I say.

Some ladies walking past are doing somethings on purpose by Reno and Rude. Like stretching in a way that makes me feel concerned that towel is going to slip right off them, or standing and bending over almost enough for anyone looking to see up the towel. I hope no one could see up mine as I walked past them earlier, or had tried to.

This place might have been a little more relaxing if it was sectioned off more. There are quite a few people here. Most of them are flirting with each other, while there are only a few who're actually trying to relax. Maybe a community or open spring and a private party one would be the best idea.

Reno I can feel is getting bored, and he'll probably start hitting on women. In the back of my mind I find I'm hoping we'll leave before that happens. I push the thought even farther back, only to have another thought start to creep forward. I really push that once back.

Rude seems to be content with just sitting in the water. Though his shades are on, and they're covered in condensation. I feel like just reaching out and snatching those damn shades off his face.

Reno notices the look on my face. I wipe it away quickly with a weak smile.

"I'm just tired," I say. It's no lie. I do get irritable sometimes when I don't sleep properly.

"Oh so you're not up for drinking tonight, yo?" Reno says with a grin.

"I wasn't up for getting out of my bed," I say.

"So you're not coming with us then?"

"Probably not."

Reno looks at me funny for a second and then frowns.

I know I'm raining on their parade. I said I wanted to go today too, but I can't help it. I'm tired and uncomfortable and I can't even look and Reno or Rude without feeling even more awkward.

I should stop whining and just go back to the hotel instead of being such a downer. I think I might do that. The same negative thought that I was having last night start to creep back and I push them away. That's probably what's been bugging me more than my lack of sleep. The fact that I'm not what I should be in terms of being a Turk.

"Cecilia?" Reno asks, looking over. I shake my head. "C'mon, yo," he urges, "What's eating at you?"

"Nothing," I say, but my tone comes out sharp and angry. It surprises Reno I can see it on his face, and I'm sort of shocked with myself. I realize I'm not in the greatest mood, but I hadn't expected it to come out that sharply.

"Cecilia?" Reno asks sitting up now, even Rude is looking at me.

I stand up and start to walk away. "Sorry," I say, "I'm just tried. I'm going to go back to bed. Just go drinking or whatever it was that you were going to do."

I don't expect them to follow me, and Reno looks like he's going to for a second, but frowns and decides against it. Probably for the best. I'm not sure why i'm such a mood right now. I'm just tried and the reason I'm tried is because I know what I'm supposed to be as a Turk, and I know that's not what I am and I'm supposed to be on vacation-

I don't know. I just want to go to bed and sleep and stop thinking about how I'm probably going to get Reno and Rude killed because I can't kill. Even though I should be able to because it's in the job description and-

I'll stop now.

I get changed back into my swim suit and head on all the back to the inn and to our room. I throw myself onto the bed and close my eyes.

* * *

><p>I must've fallen asleep because when I open my eyes next it's dark out still. It must be midnight at least or later. I'm goggly and tired still and more than willing to go back to sleep. I sit up and look around my room blearily for a second. My mouth feels dry so I decide to get myself a glass of water.<p>

Blindly making my way to the washroom I turn on the tap and fill a glass with cool water. I stand up straighter hearing now what's woken me up.

I shuffle over to the door of my room and open it. Reno and Rude are just coming back and the door opens.

Reno's obviously drunk. He looks to me and our eyes lock for a minute. Something passes over his face but I can't tell because it's so dark.

Then I get it.

I hear drunk giggling. Then I see the sours of it. Some drunk girl Reno's brought back. She sees me too.

"Oh," I say stupidly. "I'll let you be then."

Turning around quickly I shut my door and crawl back into bed. I burry my face in the pillows and will myself to go to sleep, but of course now I'm too woken up for that. I have to say though, I feel bad for Rude. My room is sectioned off. He has to share a room with Reno and that girl. He's going to be right there for whatever it is they decide they're going to get up to.

I'd rather not think about that.

The other room is silent and. I hear Reno mutter something and I can hear the girl asking him in a whiny voice what's wrong. I hear Reno speak to her a little more harshly now and I hear her spit something back. I'm guessing Rude is just ignoring everything because I can't hear him.

Theres a little more arguing, though I can't hear any of it. It's mostly just angry whispers. There's a sound and I can only think of Reno getting hit with a purse. There's more angry noises and then I hear the door close.

I hear a low voice, which can only be Rude's because I can barely hear it, and Reno doesn't say anything. Instead I hear angry foot steps and then silence. Rude says something again. Silence.

It stays quiet for a long while. Long enough that my mind has a chance to settle down and I'm almost back asleep when the door to my room opens. I can only think to myself: _Of course._

"Cecilia?"

It's Reno. He's drunk. Really drunk. I feel like I can almost smell that booze coming off him.

"What are you doing, Reno?" I mutter into the darkness.

He moves with the speed I've seen him use while on the job. Even while drunk I'm surprised he can do that as he does. But the next thing I know his face is inches from mine and he's pinned me flat. Reno's looking at me his eyes searching my face but I don't think he's really seeing me. His eyes look clouded and he's just _looking_ at me.

My heart is arching fast against my chest and his weight on top of me is making it hard to breathe.

"You don't get it do you?" he breathes. He's closing the gap between us and even though I'm thinking about how this isn't how it supposed to be at the risk of sounding cheesy- its the only thing running though my mind. At the same time I'm not pushing him away or trying to get him to stop or anything. I'm just laying here, letting him pin me, letting him get closer and closer-

Close, just like those other two times-

I want to close my eyes and just let him but-

"You're drunk Reno," I say before I can stop myself.

His eyes snap open and he looks at me for a second.

"You're drunk," I say again.

He blinks now, his eyes searching my face again, but this time he's seeing me. He lets out a breath I guess he'd been holding and then gets off me.

I breathe again and my heart is still racing. I feel light-headed and I'm thinking that maybe that had been the wrong thing to do. Maybe I should have let him. Though in front of that I'm thinking about Rude and what he said once: "Don't you know what the Number One Rule of being a Turk is?"


	19. A Change in Schedule

_I got this up yay! _  
><em>I realized I say sorry in these things a lot so sorry for that- and sorry for this post being a little weird.<em>  
><em>I have a small flicker of muse for this in me so we'll see how that goes.<em>  
><em>Here's the link to that drawing of Cecilia that I made. It was just a doodle in class that I did and there like... some random splotch on her face that was on the scanner. She's about 5'3 if you're wondering why she's so little. Yes, I know, her eyes are wonky.<br>http : / i129 . photobucket . com / albums / p209 / shinai _ 01 / forFF . jpg_  
><em>Anyway... uh I hope you enjoy this chapter.<em>

* * *

><p>Reno is acting like nothing happened last night, Rude too, so that means I'm going to have to pretend like nothing happened as well.<p>

It's our third day here, and I'm not liking vacation very much. I'm bored and there's only so much you can do here. The fact that they're both ignoring the latest… event is bugging me too. How am I supposed to relax? My fact still gets hot thinking about now near he was to me, and how much I wanted him to just-

No. Because that's when I start thinking about Rude and what he said to me once. Then I start to push that away because I don't want to think about that either. It makes perfect sense too- the number one rule of being a Turk. Even if it isn't an official rule. I don't know why I didn't understand it before. Then I start thinking about work and how I can't even do that and- well, the short version is I end up going in circles. I do that a lot.

Reno is little more distant. His arm isn't around me and if anything he's going out of his way to walk right close to Rude. Not that Rude is complaining or anything. In fact if I have anything to say about it, I would think he rather likes it better this way.

Maybe I'm just trying to make things seem unnatural between us because I'm still a little unsettled from what happened.

At least I'm awake though. I went right to sleep last night, so I guess thats an upside to all of this. It feels good to be alert again and now just thinking up ways I could sleep instead.

Reno wanted to go back to the beach, so that's where we're headed.

It's the same as it was the first day we arrived here. People swimming, people tanning, people eating, people with screaming children who I'm never sure are having fun or getting killed, and of course Reno and Rude are getting checked out. Not like that's anything new though. I realize they're good looking but-

I shake my head. I'm not going to go there again. I had enough last night. I'll just think about nothing. Which is a lot harder than it sounds.

I frown as Reno flirts with the girls hitting on him a little more openly. He was standing up a little straighter and he seems to even be putting on a little bit of a voice.

"'Ey, come 'ere. I won't bite y'know."

He's leaning down real close to their faces and reaching over to play with loose strands of their hair. I find myself looking to Rude to see his reaction. He doesn't seem to care. Or at least, I don't feel like he's angry with those girls like I feel he's angry with me when Reno puts his arm around me.

I frown some more as I watch. My hate heats up but I tell myself that it's just from the sun.

Reno can do whatever he wants. He always has, so why would now be any different? It wouldn't be. I look away and start to look for something else to do. Spotting an empty lawn chair I walk over and check to see if someone's taken it. It hasn't so I sit down.

It's a little uncomfortable because of the sand left on it by whoever was sitting in it last but I can't complain. It's better than sitting in the sand by myself. This way I can at least look like I'm doing something by sun bathing. Not that it's going to do me any good. I burn more often than not.

"Hey!" comes a voice I have a feeling I should recognize. I sit up and look around for the source of the voice. I don't see anyone but I hear them again, "Hey!"

"Oh," I say spotting them finally. It's our waiter from two nights ago, Tobias. "Hello."

"Where're the two men you were with earlier?" he asks laughing a little.

"Around," I say. I don't bother looking for them, and I wave my hand dismissively. Tobias laughs a little and smiles. "Did you need anything?" I ask him.

"What? I need an excuse to talk to you?" He laughs again. "If you have nothing else to do why don't you come with me and we can get a bite to eat."

"I'm not really hungry enough for a meal," I tell him.

"Well, what about a drink of coffee?"

I can see he's not going to take no for an answer and it's not as if talking with him is wrong. He's a nice guy, I can tell that he is. It's not like I have anything better to be doing. It'll keep my mind off things too.

"Do you need to tell your friends first?"

"Huh?" I blink and I realize that I've turned my head so I'm looking back over to Reno and Rude. Reno's still flirting. I frown a little. "No, I don't need to tell them." I say shaking my head and looking back to Tobias. "I'll come with you."

Tobias smiles and I sort of like how his smile reaches right up to his eyes. I find myself smiling too.

"Okay, then, let's go," he motions for me to get up and so I do, remembering to grab my bag.

"You better know somewhere good," I say as we walk back through the town part of Costa De Sol.

"Of course I know somewhere," he says, "I work here! You don't underestimate me that much do you?"

I laugh and we keep talking. I'm actually surprised at how easy it is to talk to him. I'm sure his opinion of me would change if he knew what I did for a living. I stop myself from going there again. Reno and Rude can do whatever they want, so I can too. RIght now, I happen to want to go for a drink with Tobias, and so that's what I'm focusing on. Forget them. For now anyway.

Tobias is a very nice man. I wasn't wrong when I said I could tell that he was. To sum him up I could just say, _He's the exact opposite of Reno_. Though, Rude could be considered an opposite of Reno as well. Well, Tobias isn't like Rude either. I can read his face just as easily as I can read anyone else who isn't trained to hide what they're feeling. He's nice, and he makes me laugh.

He brings me to a little cafe of sorts and I have to say it's quite nice. The route he took me on to get here was probably the longest one he knows of seeing as the right out side the window we're sitting at is the beach and ocean. I can't see Rude or Reno which at the moment is a plus.

We chat for a little while. Nothing special. Tobias is doing most of the talking if I'm honest. He has a bunch of stories of people coming into his restaurant and what they do and what they order. I find I'm laughing and smiling more than I have in what feels like forever. He's a great story teller.

"You're just on vacation here, right?" Tobias asks after a short silence falls between us. I'm aware of how intently he's looking at me.

"That's right."

"Where are you from?"

"Midgar," I say after a moment. After all that work on trying not to talk about work, Midgar is probably the exact place that's going to bring up that topic. But I don't want to lie, and it's like I know much about anywhere else so I tell him the truth. "This is my first time here." Tobias widens his eyes. I look away feeling embarrassed. "What?" I ask.

"This your first time here?"

"So what if it is?"

"Usually people from Midgar do anything to get out of that place," Tobias says with a wave, "They come straight here too, because they're they only ones who can really afford it."

"Yeah well-"

"I mean, a few months back some people from… actually I'm not sure where they were from… Bone Village maybe, they looked pretty rough- anyway they told me they'd saved up to come here for two years," he sighs, "They only got to stay for three nights, too. Most people stay for at least a week and a half."

I look up at that. Here I am getting everything free because of the company I work with and yet some people have to save up for two years to only stay for three days. It's my company that makes it that way too. Shinra makes it so that everyone is poor. So that no one can overpower it. As it grows it'll take and take and take so that everyone else has less and less until all they have is the dirt beneath their feet.

"It's Shinra too, you know, right?" he says, "They keep everyone down-" he's just voicing my own thoughts back at me, "the Turks though- keep away from them if you can Cecilia-" he frowns, "just trust me on that, okay?

I swallow. I don't nod or give any sign about that last sentence. So the Turks had done something to him- who hadn't Shinra touched? And… so what if I was a Turk. It wasn't me that did anything to him personally but-

I'm feeling guilty. Really guilty.

The thing is too, it's not helping that Tobias is a really nice guy. _Really_ nice. And well, I'm glad we're sitting by the window. It's nice and warm, but not sweltering like it can be outside. It's just warm. So, any flush that's on my face is from the sun.

"Hey, did I strike a nerve or something?" Tobias asks.

I blink, "No!" I say holding up my hands, but I'm lying. "No, no-"

Tobias grins and keeps talking. Obviously he's not too good with body language or face reading. I'm sure my face shows at least a little shock and horror. I never know what to do or to say when things like this come up. I am a Shinra employee, right? So I can't really say anything bad about it, but at the same time I don't-

"Cecilia?" comes a voice. It's Reno. Tobias sees the look on my face and laughs a little.

I wave, "Over here!" I call. I try to make my voice happy but I'd really rather them not being here. I'm having a good time and they- well _Reno_ isn't exactly who I want to be seeing right now.

He looks like he's going to say something, and it doesn't look like it's going to be anything important from the way he's holding himself, but three ringing phones stop him- stop all of us.

It's our phones.

Those don't just go off for no reason. Everyone is looking at us, because how often do three phones go off at the same time? It can only mean theres an emergency.

Rude is the first to pick his up.

"Hello?" he says. Reno's right behind him and I hesitate. Tobias is looking at me and I know he's close enough to see the Shinra logo on my phone but I have to answer it-

"Cecilia," Rude and Reno say together.

"Cecilia?" Tobias asks but I take out my phone and flick it open. It's my job. People are going to dislike me wherever I go. Tobias would probably dislike me as well if he'd first seen me in uniform. I can't forget that even if I am on vacation. I can't let it affect me.

I am a Shinra employee. I am. I may not be the best at it, but they employed me and I am bound to them. This is what I'm telling myself anyway because there are those thoughts at the back of my mind and-

"Hello?" I say into the receiver. I see Tobias' eye widen as he looks at my phone. I wipe all emotion off my face as best I can. I can't be faltering now. Shinra is calling. They are the ones who say what I do and when. They're calling. I need to respond.

I don't look at Tobias.

"Report," says the voice on the other end. I think its Tseng's. I haven't heard his voice over the phone before, so I really don't know.

"Turk Rude."

"Turk Reno, yo."

I look to Tobias and I see his face, I see it, and I know he's telling me not to- that he doesn't want to hear me say it because he knows- he knows but I say it anyway, "Turk Cecilia."

That's what I am. I am a Turk.

"Pack your things," Tseng says, "There's a helicopter coming for you."

"Where're you flying us, yo?" Reno asks.

"Emergency," Rude says. I'm guessing he means _its obviously an emergency, so don't question it. _

"You're going to Junon. Details will be given to you later on the helicopter as I cannot stay on this line long. I need to switch phones and call the other-"

"Other?" I cut in. I could understand calling us in because our group made up most of them but… if he had to get a hold of that other Turk and have all of us there when he was already calling their best team (excluding myself) must mean serious business.

"Yes. Now I must go. Go pack quickly and get on that helicopter as soon as you can."

I don't have time to ask more questions because the he's hung up. Reno, Rude and I snap our phones shut. Reno and Rude go right away and I'm on my feet getting ready to go when Tobias grabs my arm. I had been really hoping he wouldn't do that but he did and now-

"Cecilia," he says, and I don't know what he's feeling.

That's a lie. I do know what he's feeling. He's hurt. He had been hoping I hated Shinra and he's interested in me so there's even more hurt. He's not sure on what to feel because he's just found out I'm a Turk, apart of the same group that he hates so much and-

"I have to go," I say. "It's an emergency." I'm not sure if I want to look back and smile. It would probably be the wrong thing to do. I don't mean smile, mean-like. I mean smile and show him I'm still me. I'm still the person he'd just talked to. The same person at the restaurant two nights ago-

because I am, right?

What else is there to say? It's not like I know him all that well. It's not like we were anything more than two strangers talking, right? So why am I so concerned?

Maybe it's because he's the first real person I've talked to in a long time that isn't work related. Maybe it's because no matter what I do we could never be even friends-

I don't know.

I know there's an emergency. Shinra needs me. It is my job as a Turk to answer. I just need to tell myself this. That's what I tell myself. Then everything will be alright.

"I have to go," I say again.

"Do you realize what you're doing?" he asks. I don't answer and pull my arm away. I don't look back. I most definitely do not look back.

How could he ask that? Of course I know what I'm doing. How could I not be painfully aware of what I'm doing? What I stand for? What I represent-

I shake it away. It's my job. That's all I need to think about. I don't need to think about not being able to kill, or anything like that. It's my job and I'm just going to have to suck it up. It's not like I"m ever going to change, right? I'm still me.

I'll always be me.

Always.

I leave Tobias and run out of the coffee shop with Reno and Rude; Reno out front. There's a few eyes on us as we run past. Actually, more than a few. Most people are leisurely walking around it isn't a rare sight to see anyone run around here, unless they're running after a dropped beach ball.

I stop only to tell the lobby boy we're checking out. He goes to say something, but I'm already running again.

We pack quickly and get ourselves changed back into our work uniforms. I'm not complaining about that part one bit like Reno is. His suit is open, his shirt untucked, some buttons not done up and of course the tie is out of the question entirely. He's wearing what I'm used to seeing him wear so I'm happy.

It's awkward running with our bags bumping along behind us. We're getting even more looks now and I'm sure that people are starting to recognize our uniforms. Though they don't seem as angry about it as they do anywhere else. I guess that's because Shinra endorses this place and sends their employees here on vacation. They're all used to it I suppose.

We get to the helicopter landing site, which is just a little ways away from where the ship brought us in. It isn't hard to find either because as we turn the corner to start looking its started it's decent downwards to pick us up.

I'm sure they would have thrown a ladder down for us, but we had our bags and so that couldn't be an option.

We hop onto the helicopter and it's tight. Really, really tight. I'm pressed right close to Reno and I can feel every movement he makes. Right down the expansion and contraction on his torso as he breathes.

Theres the two pilots upfront, and two guys back here with Reno Rude and I and one more guy trying to move our bags out of the way. I didn't think a helicopter could hold so much weight.

We take off right away. I look out and back down to Costa De Sol. I feel guilty still about how things went down with Tobias, but there's nothing I can do. I see the coffee shop and I swear I can see Tobias still sitting where I left him.

"Details," Rude says, brining me back.

"We're headed to Junon," the man closest to me says. He's an older man and he has thinning grey hair onto of his head. Like Rude he's wearing shades to cover his eyes. "AVALANCHE managed to catch us off guard and are attacking. They may be after Hojo or the Sister Ray blueprints. Either way we have all the first class, second and third class SOLIDER members on the job already. We have the infantry men down there as well and now we're brining in you guys."

I swallow. What's going on over there? All of the SOILDER's and now the Turks? What could they be doing that was so bad that all of Shinra was needed? Surely it couldn't be that bad. I remember going to North Corel and hearing about it. It didn't really seem like a threat...

"Your job is going to be to find Tseng and Elena. Tseng was here first and the one who called in for backup support. He needs it. Elena has been called in as well and she should be there shortly after you arrive."

I swallow the lump in my throat.

"We'll be there in about an hour. Get yourselves rea-"

"We're Turks, yo, " Reno says, cutting the man off. The man frowns. "We know what to do. Quit telling us."

The man frowns. "I'm just following orders, " he says, "We don't need our best team getting killed- and you can wipe that smug look off your face, we're near Junon now. Look for yourself whats going on."

We all look and I feel my stomach drop.


	20. Chaos

_Sorry this took so long to get out. October is always a crazy month for me. ;;_  
><em>I really appreciated the reviews and messages you've all left me.<em>  
><em>Uhm... As stated before I like to write action stories but I'm no good with action- unfortunately this chapter is going to be really weird because of that problem I have.<em>  
><em>I tried and it's not at all actioney at all. <em>  
><em>Anyway, I hope it's not a let down and I'm working on the next one! <em>

* * *

><p>It's absolute chaos.<p>

I usually don't have a problem with jumping out of helicopters, and I'm usually not scared of heights. I don't want to move though. I don't want to go down there. No I do not. My legs are frozen.

There a slight push at my back, hard enough to throw me off my feet. I go to gasp, but instead I hold my breath. I'm free falling and I feel like I'm going to suffocate. Sneaking a look over my shoulder, Reno's jumping out, so he's the one who pushed me. I frown and find it in me pull the chord on my parachute.

It flies open and my fall immediately slows. I can breathe. I'm sure the scenery all around me is beautiful and wonderful and whatever else, but I'm really more concerned about the fact that I'm about to be in a war zone. If it had been up to me I wouldn't have parachuted in, but it wasn't like the helicopter could safety land anywhere within reason.

I touch-down and discard my parachute and harness. Reno and Rude are right behind me.

I haven't had my feet on the ground for two seconds when theres a man running at me, coming to attack and I can't even think before he's thrown sideways by some sort of force. Looking down to where he's fallen there's blood seeping from his temple. I look around and see a Shinra infantry man with a gun. He nods to me once before running off.

I'm looking at the dead man again. I know he just tried to attack me, and that if they infantry man hadn't done something I might've died but-

"Cecilia!" Reno calls, he sounds angry, but I don't move-

There's an explosion somewhere, but it's loud enough that I've gone deaf for a second and the ground beneath my feet shakes so bad I nearly fall over. I nearly fall right into-

into the blood-

_(Red blood-)_

_(Everywhere-)_

_(A laughter I can't shake-)_

Reno's grabbing my arms and holding me up. He's saying something-

"We cannot have you freezing up on us."

I get to my feet and I look at- Rude. I thought it would be Reno but it's not. It's Rude. Reno's already moving ahead, not even looking at me. Rude's not showing me anything. His face is blank. He's angry though. I can feel it. I don't know why he's angry though. It could be about my being too close to Reno or my complete lack of ablility at my job or-

I don't know. It's Rude.

"Don't let how Reno's acting effect your performance. You are a Turk." Rude says to me. "Come on," he pulls me and I'm forced to run.

It's not like we're running from the fight thats happening all around us. No, it's just that we don't have time to stop. We were told to find Tseng and Elena so that's what we're doing. I watch Reno's back as we run. I have to. If I don't I start looking around and I get distracted.

There death all around us, constant yelling so loud I can't even behind to describe it. Gun shots, screams of pain and anguish, explosions-

I watch his back.

I don't know where we're going but I go. I don't question it. It's my job not to.

Reno stops running, Rude and I right behind him. Reno looks around at the buildings. I don't know what he's looking for.

"Fuck."

Rude looks to Reno and Reno looks back. I know they're talking even if their mouths aren't moving. This is how it's always been between them. Short glances and little movements. They can read each other perfectly. I'm the add on.

"We have to keep moving," I say loudly, even though that's obvious. People are running around all over the place. Some seeing us, others not. Some members of AVALANCHE some from SOLIDER and some are just infantry men. It's impossible to think straight in this chaos.

Another explosion. Bigger than the last and much closer. I look straight up to see a pillar above our heads on fire. It's crumbling and raining down on us. There's a crack and it's falling.

I dive of to one side. Not a second later is the deafening crash of the pillar coming down right where I was standing. I cough away the dust and pick myself up. The pavement is broken and the pillar is on fire. I can't get anywhere near it.

I cough again, and try and wave away the dust in the air.

"Reno? Rude?" I call. They're not on the same side as me, so they must've gone the other way.

"Damn it!" I hear Reno shout. I doubt Rude's talking. "Okay, Cecilia, yo- shit you don't know this place do you?" a slight pause, and I guess that's Rude confirming it for him. I hear him swear again.

My phone rings and I pull it out and I flick it open.

"There's a road behind you," it's Rude and it sounds like he's running. I find I'm running too, "Take it. From there you'll run under where the Sister Ray is going to be built. Once you run through that go around to the left. There will be a lift there. Take it and look through the building for Tseng. We'll meet up later." He clicks off before I can say or do anything.

I run as fast as I can to the underpass of the Sister Ray. I try to block out everything else but I can't. People are dying as I run past them, mostly the members of AVALANCHE and I guess as a employee of Shinra I should be happy, but it just makes me feel sick.

Everyone is fighting someone and it's overwhelming. I can't focus on one thing. There are explosions every few minutes and the never ending shout of people over the continuous gunshots and-

Distracted I run right into someone. "Oh!" I gasp out a little shocked, but I take an offensive stance right away drawing my flick-blade. I don't need to kill him, I just need to knock him out. I can do that. I've done it before.

"Cecilia, right?" come a voice. I look at the man. He's a first class SOLIDER. Black hair with the trademark eyes to match. I should know him but his name isn't coming to me. There's a blonde infantry man next to him. But I'm more interested in the SOLIDER. So Shinra really did bring in SOLIDER.

For someone in the middle of a battle, his face is pretty open and upbeat. I must look downright miserable next to him.

"Right," I say with a nod. I don't attempt at guessing his name.

"Partner?"

"Reno and Rude," I say.

"Ah, so you got separated then."

"By the falling pillar over there," I point to it. I don't feel safe standing here talking to him. I have to go. I have to look for Tseng and meet up with Reno and Rude.

He looks over my shoulder and he frowns. "Got lucky then, huh?" he grins and then he looks to me seriously. "Listen, you- wait you're looking for Tseng aren't you?"

"I am. We think he might be where the Sister Ray is going to be built."

"Yeah, he's probably there- or in the underwater reactor-"

He goes to say something more but we're under attack now. Three of them on us now- we were distracted for too long. The infantry man shoots one and Zack is on the other.

_Just knock him out_, I tell myself because I know I can do that much. I run at him and he's holding his gun which leaves his stomach wide open. I go for it. Punching him solidly in the gut he flinches a little. Of course he's wearing a protective layer. Of course he is.

With my other hand I cut him across the face. Shallow but he doesn't see it coming and flinches back. Swinging my arm back I knock him in the temple hard with the butt of my blade. He stumbles, clutching the side of his head and falls to the ground. I take a step back and-

_BANG!_

I look over my eyes wide to the infantry man. His eyes are wide like mine are but he did it. He just- I look down. He shot that man. He's dead now. The infantry man blinks and his face is cool again. Like Rude's. No emotion on it. I want to say didn't want to do it, but he did. I can feel it. He wants to become something more and this is how he's doing it.

"Hey!" The SOLIDER calls. We look over and more men have jumped on him I go to move in to help but he shakes his head. "No! You have to find Tseng. Go!"

I don't hesitate before running away. I feel a little guilty that I am, but an order is an order. I wouldn't have been much use anyway- it's not like I can kill.

Running I make it to the underpass. I have to swallow back the jump in my throat as I run pass a dead body and the small pool of blood I run into because I didn't see it splashes up onto my shoe.

Rude had said to take a left, right? I hope so. I turn and see the lift he was talking about and I can see it's going to be a problem. It's heavily guarded and not by anyone who's going to be too happy to see me. I duck behind some fallen rubble that's more than enough to hide me.

Peeking over I look to see if theres anyway to get through without confronting all- one, two… four…. six of them. That can only mean that's where Tseng is. Why else would they have so many people guarding the place?

They're standing like statues, but I see them twitch to shoot at anything that comes into their eyesight. I'm quick, but of course I'm not fast enough to dodge bullets. I could always hope they all had absolutely terrible aim but I'm not going to bet any money on that. I don't really feel like getting riddled with bullet holes right now.

There's two beside the door I'm going to need to get into, two on the ground under the lift's ladder I'm going to need that too. On top of the lift are the last two guards. I'm lucky that they're just not high enough to see me behind this rubble.

I check behind me to make sure I'm not getting snuck up or anything and go back to seeing if I can get on that lift without nearly killing myself, or them, in the process. I don't think theres a way to do that.

Quickly I start thinking up different plans to get in there and discarding them just as fast. I could go back around and see if I could climb up and push the two on top down and in the confusion just slide into the life but- no. That would never work. I could just try and run for it, but that's a death wish. Something I don't have. I could try and disguise myself as one of them, but they don't really have anything that signifies who they are and it would take too long. That's out of the question as well.

Internally yelling at myself I try to think faster but I can't come up with anything. Unless I get really lucky and they just walk away I need to think of something. Then ideas are still going through my head and I'm still throwing them out one right after another finding too many flaws with each. If I had Reno here it wouldn't have been a problem but-

I shake my head. Now is really not the time for that.

Looking around I still don't see anyone who's paying too much attention to me. Mostly because I'm hidden, but I can't be too careful. I'm in a war-zone and I can't forget that. If I do, I'll die. I swallow the lump in my throat.

It's so hard to think with the sound of gunfire from every direction the people shouting constantly. I'm getting a headache and I need to get out of here- somewhere quiet so I can think about how to get up there and-

_BOOM_!

Everything shakes and my hearing goes for a full minute. I'm a little dazed but I manage to shake it off. Peeking over the rubble that's hiding me I see if the AVALANCHE guards have left their post. They look shaken, but not like they're leaving anytime soon. I count them again quickly, and two are missing. The two up top. I could run around and try to jump down and run inside.

I know it's not the best plan I've never though up, but it's the only one I have and well- I'm running out of time. I'm working against AVALANCHE and I really don't have anymore time to spare. Someone's bound to notice me here and notice my uniform.

I get up and run quickly back around to the back of the lift I need to get on. The pillar that almost crushed me earlier is still on fire and blocking my way of getting to Reno and Rude.

Luckily the other side of this lift has a lot of wires and holds for me to grab onto. I have to say I feel every exposed climbing this thing though. It's higher than I thought it was, and anyone with a gun and who is a half decent shot can get my as I climb. My back is protected at all, and I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb climbing up these wires and things..

Pulling myself I take a look around. The two guards that were posted up here just a few minutes ago are gone now, and it's safe up here.

Looking over the edge of the lift I see the remaining four guards. I really just need to hit the two on top out. I think I'll be okay because they're not standing right against the lift's door and I just need to shock them enough so have them fall so I can get into the lift and make it go up.

_Easy_. I tell myself. _Real easy_.

I hold my flick blade tight in one hand as I jump down.

I startle them and the one on my right falls down onto the guard below him of his own doing- I ignore the fact that he's no older than me. The man on my left is still trying to aim at me when I knock him down as well. He didn't have much to him and so I was alb to push him fairly easily and it helped that he was off balance from being startled.

Luckily the door is open and I can get inside easily. There's some junk in here and I use it to hold the door shut if I take too long to get this thing up and running. My ears are ringing from the sudden silence and I my head is starting to pound. There's a place where it looks like to slide something and so I slide my Shinra card through and a button lights up. I hit the big green button hoping if this is as user-friendly as it looks I'll be moving up in no time.

The lift lurches and I'm nearly thrown to the floor. Slowly but surly the lift rises. It feels like hours pass where I'm trapped in the small space but it can only have been a minute or two. It stops an I'm let out into what looks like a lobby.

Theres a staircase going up and another going down. I'm sure I want to go up, because I just came from below- so I go up.

Although I'm being careful and not just running through the halls, it seems like I thought be able to do that seeing as theres no on around to catch me. It's empty. My foot steps echo down the halls and through the lobby and it's empty. No sounds of anyone else around here at all.

Its unnerving. AVALANCHE had been guarding the lift and so I thought this place would be teeming with them, but it's not. It's empty in here and I don't like it. I feel like something is really wrong that this place isn't just crawling with AVALANCHE members.

The place is a mess, like AVALANCHE has been through here already but it just looks like the place has been ransacked and not like there'd been a fight. If there had been a fight I'm sure that there would be at least a few drops of blood somewhere- but there isn't. Can't say I'm not glad that there isn't blood, but at the same time I'm thinking there should be.

I climb another set of stairs and this floor looks like the last. I sigh. This place is much bigger than I thought it would be though this floor looks more office like. Meeting are probably held here or- were held here I guess I should say because I'm sure after this no more meetings are going to be held here.

It's a fairly straight forward place which I'm happy for. I don't need to be getting lost right now.

I come across a room with big windows looking over the ocean and a lot of desks that are just as broken and messy looking as the other ones I've seen, but I'm not seeing anyone. I frown. Of course I wouldn't be seeing anyone, Tseng would know much better than to just stand around and wait for people to walk in and find him.

After a quick sweep of the room and room thats joined to it- theres no one. Not a soul. Perfect. Just perfect. I don't know what to do next. Rude said we should meet up here- or something along those lines anyway. I can't just leave but theres nothing for me to do here, and I'm sure that AVALANCHE is going to figure out a way to get the lift to work for them if they haven't already and that they're going to be here soon.

I feel useless. I can hear the fighting going on outside and I'm standing here not doing anything.

_Useless._

It's not like I'd know what to do if I left. I'd just feel better because I would think I was doing something to help and-

There's a noise. A shuffling noise- like foot steps. I freeze for a second- and a second later I know that I'm not going to be able to do anything. It's not just a few footsteps coming for me- no. It sounds like an army is coming up.

They're not looking for me, I know, but they're going to attack. They're going to want to know where Tseng is- or where Hojo is and I'm not going to know and they're going to try and kill me.

I look around the room but there's nowhere for me to hide.


	21. In Her Hands Lies a Choice

_Why am I even writing an action story when I can't write action?_  
><em>Uh, yeah. Okay. So... yeah. Here's the chapter I've been neglecting for the past while.<em>  
><em>I really meant for this chapter to be longer and really good because if you can't guess by the end of it- it's important. I don't know how to make it good because as I've said before- I can't write action. I feel like if I had added anything more it would have become long, boring, and redundant and not at all how it should be. <em>

_Though I should be updating more because of- you guessed it!- NaNoWriMo! I've done it three times before but it's always a stressful time for me, aha._  
><em>i'll be using this story and whatever else I write towards Nano and I know I have to finish this so-!<em>  
><em>I'm still toying with the endings for this story and I'm really worried I'll pick the wrong ending for this story ;;<em>

_Thank you so much for your continued support and I'm sorry this chapter probably isn't as good as any of us were hoping. (Myself included)._

* * *

><p>The footsteps are just outside the door now and I'm standing right in the middle of the room. There's no way they're going to miss me.<p>

There's the door on this either side of the room and I know it's empty in there- but there's no way I'm fast enough to get there before they open the door and see me. There's nothing else I can do though. I have to at least try-

And I'm sprinting to the door as fast as I can. I don't even bother trying to keep quiet because as soon as I started to move they've heard me-

And the door is flying open and people are pouring in and I'm still five steps away from the door-

They'll kill me- They'll kill me!

I hear them yelling to and I hear the rattle of their guns as they get ready to aim and-

I trip. I don't know what I've tripped over but I've tripped over something and I'm alive because of it.

AVALANCHE fired a split second after I started to fall.

My body aches from hitting the ground so hard but I have to keep moving, Quickly I get back up to my feet and run the last two steps to the door. I push through and quickly grab a fallen chair to bar it. It's not going to be enough to hold them forever or even for more than two minutes- but that's all there is in here that I can use. Everything else I have to get creative with.

Looking around I spot a medium sized vent. I realize I can probably fit through it. Using another chair to stand on I cheek the vent out. The cover has to be removable because that chair isn't going to hold the door shut and this looks like my only way out of here- alive anyway. With some effort I manage to pull the cover off and throw it to the ground. It lands with a loud clang- but I have no time for it.

Pulling myself I crawl into the small vent and I push past my instant feeling of claustrophobia. I'm a sitting duck in here and I made it more than obvious that this had been my escape route. I force myself to take the first turn I see as I hear them break through the door. I don't want them shooting down the vent at me.

The turn is tight and very painful but I can't complain. It's saving my life.

Moving the vent is hard, slow work. I feel like I can't breathe here and I can't use my elbows or knees because it'll make the metal of the vents pop which will alert AVALANCHE to where I am- then it'll be all over. I can still hear their voices echoing down the vents and one of them even fires off a gun in the vent I'd just crawled out of. It's the loudest thing and I swear I go deaf for a minute.

My left knee pops the vent and I freeze. Should I keep moving or just hope they haven't heard me?

The voices are echoing down the vent but they're far away and I don't think they've heard me. I find I can't move yet though. My limbs won't move for at least a full three minutes before I can feel like I can move. Sliding on my fingers and toes I move down the vent.

A few tight turns later I find another vent that leads down into a hall. I haven't heard anyone or seen anyone so it looks like a safe way out. The only problem is that it's not against a wall or something. I'm going to have to push the vent out and then drop to the floor.

My plan is to push it out with my hands and then crawl over the hole and back out- of course that _was_ my plan. As soon as I pushed onto the vent with what force that I could the vent popped out and I went with it.

I mange to tuck myself into a tight ball as I fall and roll at I hit the ground. It hurts but not as much as it could've if I'd just landed on my head.

Quickly I check around to make to make sure I haven't fallen into a group meeting their hosting and when I don't see anyone I listen to make sure they're not coming. I don't hear anything and I continue to not hear anything. I duck into a small empty room. I know I can't stay here long because they'll be looking for me but I take a second to think.

Reno and Rude are going to come to look for me- expecting me to be here. But this place is crawling with AVALANCHE members. I can't exactly stay but I can't leave either. It's not like I know where to go next-

-Wait. Didn't that SOLIDER member say something about an underwater reactor? I could go there and see whats going on down there but what about Reno and Rude then? They're looking for me… aren't they?

So find them first and then report and go down to the underwater reactor?

I don't even know the area though. I would be walking aimlessly trying to find them as they were trying to find me and nothing would get done. I've been over this already. I'm not getting anything done, we've established that but I'm doing a great job of thinking circles. Perfect.

Closing my eyes I let out a sigh. Okay. Make a decision. Do something. It's your _job_.

Opening my eyes again I've made my decision.

Running out of the small room I'd hidden myself in I do my best to locate somewhere familiar. From there I'm going to take the route I used to get to the back room as best I can because I can only hope Reno and Rude are going to use the same one and that I'll run into them. It's a little risky because now the place is crawling with members of AVALANCE but as long as I'm careful and I don't do anything stupid I should be okay.

This is what I'm telling myself anyway. It's a war zone. Things happen and they can't be changed.

Turning a sharp corner I collide with with a solid wall of person. I let out a "oof!" without even thinking about it. So much for being careful and not doing anything stupid.

"There you are."

It's Rude. I look up at him and I find myself looking for Reno. Where was he?

"Doesn't matter," Rude says as he sees me look around. "He knows what to do. We have to find Tseng. Let's go." Rude goes to take a step back the way I'd just come from.

"No!" I say shaking my head. "This place is invested with AVALANCHE members and Teng's not here. I checked."

"Then where do you suggest we go?" Rude asks, and he raises an eyebrow at me. I have to say I feel a little smug that I have an idea of where to go and he doesn't.

"The underwater reactor," I say trying to keep the smile off my face.

Rude watches me through his gasses and then finally nods. Turning back he leads me to the entrance of the building. Reno's turning a corner and meeting us. I see his eyebrows raise in surprise to see me with Rude, but he doesn't say anything and his face quickly recovers. I don't know what he's thinking.

"Where're we headed partner?" Reno asks but he looking at Rude and is turned so that as much of his back is facing me as possible. I manage to keep the frown off my face.

"The underwater reactor," I say before Rude can.

Reno is forced to look at me, and his face is the same as Rude's. Like a stone, unreadable.

"What made you think there, yo?"

This time I frown. He says it almost like he's making fun of me- like I couldn't possibly know where to go. I think he's acting like a child with the cold shoulder and everything but if I'm being fair I'm not taking this too well either. I realize this isn't really the time or the place but...

"I ran into a SOLIDER-" I say getting my thoughts back in order. I go to say more but of course he cuts me off.

"First class? Black hair? Had a chocobo looking kid following him?"

I blink. "I don't know about chocobo- but yes."

"We should go then," Reno decides.

We take off into the shadows and Reno leads us down to the underwater reactor. There's less expositions going off outside but just as might fighting as before. I have to say, I feel a lot better being with Reno and Rude than I did by myself.

The reactor ends up being right below us. We take the lift down, then run along a street and get down another elevator and another one after that. Just like before there doesn't seem to be any AVALANCE members down here. That fact unnerves me more than the fact that we're at the bottom of an ocean.

We don't talk the entire way there. It's a strained silence.

Moving quickly I don't get to look out the glass that shows the oceans depths. The reactor down here seems dirty and almost wrong. Not that anything that Shinra does seems right to me, but I'm finding it hard to breathe down here like I do when we visited the slums. Reno and Rude are fine of course, it's just me having the problems.

Our foots steps echo all around us and I find I'm worrying if my breathing is too loud it's so quite. Something is wrong down here. For a reactor it shouldn't be this quiet. Usually there are sounds of the reactor working at it's job of sucking life from the planet and the sound of machines working hard- but it's like the place has shut down.

Holding myself a little straighter I give myself a little confidence boost.

Reno stops suddenly and then I feel it too.

The presence of people all around us. Watching our every move. We shouldn't have stopped. They know we know and-

"Shit-" Reno says and a lot of things happen at once.

People pour out of every conner of the room we're in and everything suddenly gets so _loud_. I have my flick blade out and I'm knocking people out- but I'm not killing them. No.

I can hear Reno's EMR buzzing as he ruthlessly beats people down and kills them. I don't look over. I don't think about it. If I do I'll stop and freeze and I'll die.

I jump out of the way of a boot aimed for my head and I duck quickly to avoid an iron bar getting swung around by someone who didn't seem to know how to use it at all.

Stabbing the one swinging the iron bar around in the leg I hear him let out a scream and fall to the ground. There's more blood coming from him tanI think there should be and I think I've cut an artery in him. Before I can even think about what that means Reno is swooping in and swinging his EMP down towards the mans neck-

I look away and block out the sound of breaking bone and a cut off scream.

We should have seen this coming- _I_ should have seen this coming.

"Too many," Rude comments calmly as he punches someone in the face, breaking bone. It doesn't even phase him. Not even a little.

I spot a break in the group of AVALANCHE members and I grab Reno's jacket and pull him with me as I run. Once he sees where I'm headed he pulls away and grabs Rude and soon we're all sprinting for a door at the other end of the room. Just need time to prepare. Gather our thoughts and then strike back.

We're Turks and we're supposed to be prepared but we'd been caught off guard. It's okay though. We'll correct things. Thats the job and Reno and Rude are the best two at it.

I'm looking behind me as I open the door. Reno and Rude are right beside me as I run in but I'm vaguely aware of even entering the room. AVALANCHE isn't following us-

I look in front of me but it's too late- I shut my eyes waiting for impact.

* * *

><p>There's a loud sound that I can't even begin to describe and two shouts of pain and a thud as two bodies hit the floor. The door slams behind me and before I even know what I'm doing I'm walking back and throwing myself against the closed door.<p>

Opening my eyes I see a huge man- easily three times my size. He has an iron bar soaked in blood- Reno and Rude's blood. It's my height that saved me. I was too short for him to hit as well.

Looking over to Reno and Rude I see a second guy starting to deal with them. They're both dazed and blood is seeping from their temples. They're sitting ducks and-

"Turks-" the man in front of me spits brining me back to what I should be more focused on.

The iron bar comes back at me from the left all I can do is throw myself to the ground to avoid being hit. He's about to come down on my again and somewhere in me I kick my leg up and knock the iron bar out of his hand. He's about as shocked as I am.

The iron bar goes clattering off behind the man and it's far out of his reach. He knows enough to not turn his back on me. He's bigger than me though and I'm so scared for my life that I don't think I can move.

"Cecilia-" Reno says doing his best to get up, but the second man pushes him hard against the ground. "Cecilia-!" Reno gasps out in obvious pain. I know what he wants me to to do. I know what he's getting at.

I can't do it though. I can't do it.

"Do we need these guys for anything?" The second man asks.

"No," the man in front of me says easily, grinning wide down at me. He's reaching for his gun. One that if he'd used first we'd all be dead. Maybe it was lucky we'd run into such a sadistic person.

The second man laughs and pulls out a gun as well.

Reno calls my name again.

But I'm still on the ground with nothing but a flick blade in my hand.

We're all going to die and it's all going to be my fault.

I have to do something but I continue to sit.

"Cecilia!"


	22. Killer

Jumping up and leaping forward at the man and my arm that holds my flick blade is swinging towards the mans neck-

And then there's the crunch, as my flick blade is sent right through-

Enough to poke out the other side-

His blood is all over my hands instantly and I'm letting go of my flick blade- leaving it in his neck.

The man is clawing at his throat trying to breathe but he can't because he's dying-

Dying by my hand-

I've done it-

I'm-

I'm shaking.

I'm shaking so hard.

The man in front of me drops down on the ground by my feet. He's still alive but he's dying, dying, dying and it's all my fault. That's all I'm focused on. I can't think about anything else.

All I can see is the blood. There so much. All of it pouring out of the wound I've left in him. My flick blade suck in his neck- the gurgled strangled gasps he's raking in trying desperately to live-

And_ Oh_ _Bahamut_ the sounds he's making-

I can't stand it- I'm never going to be unable to stop hearing it-

And it just stops-

Just like that-

He stops.

My legs give out from under me and I shake. I just shake and shake and shake. I can't stop.

Somewhere there's yelling and a _thud_ and some swearing, I can't focus on that. Everything is shaking and I can't stop it at all.

Suddenly I'm getting pulled into a tight embrace. I don't move into it or pull away. My chin is starting to wobble but there are no tears. Looking at my blood covered hands and uniform I start shaking harder - if that's even possible. Theres so much blood. It's all over me- staining me in a way that I'll never be able to wash off. My breathing is shallow and quick and-

What have I done?

But we would have died-

I didn't need to-

I can't look away from the body. I can't look away from the blood that seeping towards my knees- that's starting to soak into my pants. I can't close my eyes from it. It's always there-

(and I'm thinking about the first time I saw Reno kill-)

(That inhuman laugh he let out after-)

Vaguely I'm aware of the person who's holding me resting their chin on my head and rocking with me so my shaking isn't so bad.

"Damn," they breathe.

I try to open my mouth to say something but all that comes out is a low moan. I try again and this time what's coming up isn't my voice. I push whoever it is that's holding me away and lean away from the body at in front of me.

I throw up.

I cough and spit as the contents of my stomach come up. It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I continue to spit as I shake trying to collect myself but I can't- I just can't. Nothing else comes up when I feel a wave of nausea come over me again. Nothing but dry heaves. I feel so sick with myself-

Again and again my stomach lurches, but nothing more comes up. I just gag over and over and the sounds I'm making sound so much like the ones the man made as he was dying-

-Because of me.

I'm breaking out in a cold sweat and I'm just feeling worse and worse by the second.

Out of the corner of my eye I see the other body laying on the floor. The one I didn't touch but is dead anyway. The one that must have been the source of the yelling and _thud_ I'd heard before.

My wandering eyes bring me back to the same place as ever though and I can't stop how hard I'm shaking-

I shut my eyes and nothing changes. It might even be worse-

What have I done?

What have I done?

(Was it the right thing?)

(We didn't die-)

(but they did-)

(Was I right?)

Another low moan escapes my lips.

"I know," one of the two people with me is saying, "I know," and they're pulling me up to my feet- but I can't stand by myself. I just want to lay down and lay there forever and ever-

"We don't have time for this right now."

I can't help it though-

Useless. I'm so useless.

"We have to move, yo" and they're still trying to get me to stand on my own two feet but I can't feel my legs-I can't feel anything. It's just numb. I'm numb. Why don't they just leave me here? I drop back to my knees.

There's talking but I can't focus on anything that's being said. Something about Tseng and Hojo… blueprints? I don't know. All I see is the dead body before me. All I hear are his last breathes gurgling out of him. All I feel is the sensation up my arm of when I punted the knife through his neck-

-enough to make it poke out the other side.

"She's not going to be moving by herself any time soon, yo," says one voice. I know I should know it but I can't make sense of anything.

(I've killed a man-)

(Killed him-)

(He's dead-)

"We have to get to Tseng."

"You think I don't know that, yo? We gotta get her out of here too."

I feel like crying but I don't have it in me. My chin just keep wobbling and nothing ever comes. No tears. No nothing. I just sit and shake. It's never-ending.

(Dead.)

(Dead.)

(Dead.)

"She is a Turk. This is her job. We have our orders and our orders are to find the director, and that's what we're going to do. We have our priorities."

I killed for them but I've still taken a life. I don't know what to do with myself. No tears fall no matter how much my body feels like crying. My stomach is still in knots and the dry heaves are getting worse.

"She's apart of the team, yo."

"You say that as if I didn't know that already."

"You don't act like like you know it, yo!"

"…"

There's a tight silence between the two voices.

"We don't have time for this, yo."

The other doesn't say anything and theres more silence.

"We have to go," the voice says finally.

Something gets in the way of what I'm staring at. I blink and I realize somewhere in my mind that it's Reno squatting down to look at me. My face screws up before I even notice it happening- but still there are no tears. Just low moans that mean nothing.

He holds me as I start to shake again and he just says: "I know."

Somewhere in me I'm finding it hard to believe. He killed that man at point blank range and then laughed. He can't possibly know.

I don't push away or move or do anything. He says it again. How I know he's looking at me and how he's saying he knows just breaks me further. I close my eyes hoping this time it'll help but all I'm seeing is the dead mans face. How he looked when I stabbed him. How he instantly knew he was dying-

How he suddenly ever regretted everything he'd done wrong in his life-

How badly he wanted to live.

What have I done?

I can't fix this. I can't turn back time. I'm a killer.

"Cecilia," he says after what can only be a minute or two but feels like forever and even that doesn't feel like long enough. "We have to go."

I can't nod or speak. I can't do anything.

Reno keeps quiet for a few seconds more and then he says: "We have to go. We can't stay here, yo. We have to get you to Tseng and then we'll finish the job, alright, yo? You don't have to do anything."

I'm not really listening to him. I'm exhausted and a live wire at the same time. I shut my eyes without even thinking about it. There it all is again. Vivid colours and sounds and feelings- all right there at the front of my mind where there's no escape from it.

I force my eyes back open. I want to cry. I finally do something- something that's actually apart of my job and I'm useless. I can't do that ever again. Not ever. I can't. I just can't.

Reno gives a sigh and he stands, pulling me up with him. I still can't stand yet and my legs give right away. He holds me in place. He's looking at me but I can't tear my eyes away from the body on the ground.

"Listen to me, yo," Reno says with a force that actually brings me back a little. Then in a voice I'm not used to him using he says: "You're a Turk and Turks can do anything." I look at him now. I notice I'm smearing the man's blood all over his uniform as well.

I shake my head no. Its a slow movement that takes a lot of focus for me to do, but I do it.

I've been telling myself I'm a Turk- but I know better. I'm not. I'm not good at anything my job requires me to do and now I've killed someone. They're dead and they're never going to do anything ever again because I've killed them. I'm no Turk. I'm just lying to myself.

Reno looks at me and I know he's questioning me, but he makes a decision to stop dealing with me and start on finding Tseng.

He has to nearly drag me because even though I can stand now I'm still shaking too hard too move properly. We leave the room. The only thing that stops me from looking at what I've done is the door slamming closed behind us as we get on our way.

* * *

><em>Yeah, so this chapter is supposed to be choppy and weird because... well she has just killed someone and doesn't know what to do with herself.<br>This is actually the part of the story that jump started everything so I'm very happy I made it to this point. That usually never happens with my stories!  
>Uh, anyway, I think I did an okay job with it- I hope I did anyway. I have a few more things planned and then this story will end.<p><p>_


	23. Shinra Building

_I did finish NaNoWriMo, early in fact. (November 25th!)  
>This chapter was hard for me and went through a lot of drafts because I didn't want Cecilia to be magically over her trauma but I didn't want it to be over-powering.<br>I think I might have made it over-powering-  
>WHOOPS.<em>

_Anyway, I hope it's alright. I'm really happy I've made it this far and I really want to finish this but to end this story properly (meaning I've finally picked an ending) I really need to play with these chapters and that always takes me forever to do._

_If there are any loose ends that need explaining that don't look like they're going to be explained TELL ME SO I CAN TIE THEM UP.  
>There are a few that I've been putting off until the end to explain while others I have just plain forgot about so please tell me so that I can end this story properly.<br>__Not that I'm saying the next chapter is the ending (because it isn't- I still have things I need to happen) but I am finally starting to wrap things up. _

* * *

><p>I'm out of it.<p>

I still can't think straight or find my voice or focus on anything. My eyes aren't seeing, and I'm not really feeling Reno's hand around mine as he drags me along beside him. I'm not shaking anymore though. That's a good sign.

Or that's what I'm telling myself anyway. For all I know I might be getting worse.

I don't know how long it takes but we do find Tseng. Reno leads me to something I can sit on. The second he leaves though I'm shaking again, so hard I nearly fall off. I don't though. I don't and that's good.

There's a quick exchange that I can't quite focus on. Then Reno's coming back and looking me in the eye- but of course I'm not really seeing him. I want to go home and curl up into my sheets at home back in Midgar and just lay there forever-

I blink and see Reno's holding my hand. I stop shaking. I don't know if he notices.

"Were you listening, yo?" he asks. I shake my head and he returns to me a grin. He's looking at little stressed but I'm happy he's trying for me. He lefts me hold his hand a little tighter and he tells me what I was supposed to be listening to.

The plan that I need to worry about is the one that gets me back to Midgar. He says it's for my safety but I know it's because I'm useless to them. If anything I'll botch the whole thing. Reno and Rude aren't going to come with me all the way back to Midgar because it would be pointless for them. They're going to stay here and get the situation under control. Once that happens they'll be coming back to Midgar.

"And then-" Reno says, and it doesn't sound like he's talking about the plans they've made anymore. It's strange but I have a feeling of what he wants to say already. He's holding my hand tight but in a different way. I'm finding he's all my tired and weary brain can really focus on.

"Reno," comes Rude's voice. Reno frowns a bit and turns to wave him off.

"I know," he says. Then he's turning back to me and helping me stand. I'm not as unsteady and I'm not shaking. Progress.

I close my eyes and go to take a deep breath when I'm seeing it all again-

I start to shake despite Reno being right here-

"Cecilia," comes Reno's voice. I open my eyes. He grins. The feelings and memory of what I've done is still there… right fresh at the front of my mind where I can't escape it ever… but feeling Reno holding my hand and looking at me like that… the memory edges back a little. Not enough to make me forget, of course not, no, but it does get pushed back. I stop shaking.

It's strange this side of Reno. It's one I would have never though he had but I'm glad it's being shown to me. Rude is the same rock as he ever is and although I can't say I expected any less from him-

"You won't have to do anything," Rude says. "We just have to move quickly."

I nod and then Reno's leading me by the hand past Tseng and a woman who I'm guessing is Elena.

I keep my head down and try to hide my face even though it's pointless. I'm messing with their plans and I'm worthless as a Turk. I'm sure that this isn't something that's going to just be looked over. Swallowing, I force my legs to move and keep up with Reno and Rude.

Not having the focus to pay attention I'm not sure on how we get out of Junon. It feels like it takes forever. AVALANCHE is still causing havoc up here and vaguely I'm wondering why. Half their men- or what seemed like it-

(And one I killed-)

-Were down in the Underwater reactor. That was where they wanted to be, right? So why were these men still up here? It didn't make any sense.

Nothing makes sense.

Surprisingly I recognize the helicopter waiting for me. It's the same one that dropped us off here. I guess I'm beginning to start to be able to focus on this- even if it's something as unimportant as this.

After getting ushered onto the chopper and trying to focus what's being said and failing at that task I'm being sent off. Leaving Reno and Rude behind.

I start shaking again and I do my best to keep quiet. I saw the pilot and co-pilot looking at me. They know I've messed up. I bet I'm the only Turk to ever be sent back part way through a mission. Pulling my knees up to my chest I do my best to stop shaking. I don't dare close my eyes. I don't want to see it all over again-

I don't look back to Junon.

The flight seems to take us forever to get back to Midgar. I know it only takes us a short while, but I'm just so tired and exhausted. It hadn't helped that I knew the pilots were sneaking glances to each other asking each other why I was being sent back.

I mutter a quiet _Thanks_ as I get out of the helicopter and into the Shinra building. It's usually a quiet building but it's even more quiet than normal. No one's around. Well, there are a few people hanging around, but not as many people as there usually are.

For a second or two I think about maybe doing some paperwork that I know I'm going to have to fill out both for coming off vacation and what I-

What I did.

I stop off the elevator at the floor the infirmary is on. I don't feel like I can make it home and I don't think I can focus enough to do any sort of paperwork.

There's no one in the infirmary to greet me and it's a little unsettling but not more so than what my mind is putting me through right now.

Wearily I make my way over to a bed in the far corner and kick off my shoes before crawling in. I'd forgotten how uncomfortable they were since my last visit here but I'm not complaining. Of course as soon as I close my eyes I open them again to stop the pictures coming back into my mind.

It takes a long time but I do fall asleep.

It's not a very restful sleep.

Nothing but nightmares of what I've done come at me and theres blood everywhere. It stains me and I can't get it off no matter what I do. I cry a lot but I feel no release from it. If anything the hurt and pain I'm feeling grows.

I wake up in a cold sweat and I'm a little surprised to find that I hadn't cried in my sleep- not that I feel any better. I sit up and it finally registers in my brain. It's dark. Not because it's night time but because the power is out. I'm groggy still and it takes me a minute but I get my thoughts together and put on my shoes.

Leaving the infirmary I see that it wasn't the only room with the power off. From the looks of it all of Shinra has been shut down. I guess I shouldn't be saying _seeing_ because I can't It's much too dark.

Feeling my way along one of the walls I move forward. I swallow the lump in my throat. Something feel very wrong here but I know it's just me. Shinra's security is top notch- after all I'm apart of it. Even if I'm not top notch.

Slowly my eyes start to adjust to the dark. Nothing looks out of place. I notice a few papers on the floor but I must have just missed it when I first came in.

I'm doing it on purpose. I'm ignoring what everything in my body is screaming.

AVALANCHE at Junon was a ploy. It was to get Shinra away from it's headquarters. I wanted to hit myself for not seeing it sooner. Yes, Junon had something they might want but their goal had always been this place, right? Of course it was. Of course this is where they want to be.

I don't feel like doing anything and I'm always being reminded of what I did by every sense I have all the time- but I have to push past it. I want to lay down and stay there forever and ever forever, but I can't. I have to do my job.

Shaking a little still I keep moving, keeping on as high alert as I can. I know that this isn't the time to be reliving something but I can't help it. It's always there. In the front of my mind. Haunting me. It's not as bad as it was when it first happened which is good.

Progress. I have to just keep telling myself that. I know I'm not going to just forget instantly like I want to but I have to remember that I'm not as bad as I was only hours ago.

There's no other sign of someone being through here except for those papers scattered on the ground. Everything else seems to be in order. Pretty much anyway. Even though my eyes have adjusted to the dark I still can't see perfectly. I bump my hip hard off a desk I hadn't seen and hiss in pain as quietly as I can. There's no sound besides myself still. I can only guess that I'm the only one on the floor.

As quickly as I can get myself going I head for an elevator. Of course when I hit the button it's dea- …not working. I'd sort of hoped that the back up generator would be working, but I guess AVALANCHE disabled that too. Before this I had always thought that they didn't have any intelligence but they're quickly proving that wrong.

With a sigh I head for the stairs. I have a feeling the stairs might be the most unsafe place to be. There's no way around it though. I have to use them if I want to get to the top floor and see what happening up there. They're here to wipe out Shinra so it's not just the president they're after- it's going to be the Turks too. Me.

I'm a little surprised at the fact that the stair well is unguarded. Still, I move quietly. Just incase. Lightly I test the last door to the last floor that the stairs lead to. I creaks open and I hear someone gasp in surprise. I don't dare move or do anything. I don't even look into the room. Chancing anything isn't an option. For all I know I'm the only one here right now that can do anything.

Not letting go of the door I look around. If I let go of the door it's going to creak again as it shuts and I'm going to have unwanted attention. There might be something here I can hold the door with… or a vent I can squeeze into. Those go all over the building.

The person inside is still moving around and I don't have much time. They'll be checking the door any second. The only thing I can think of is running back down the stairs a few floors and crawling though the vents upwards until I get to where I want to be but… That will take much too long and-

There's always the option of killing him.

I've done that.

I've killed someone.

Breathing deeply I do my best not to start shaking. I can't stop the pictures or the sounds or the feelings from slapping me across the face but I can't afford to become immobile right now. I don't need to be dying right now.

I peek through the crack in the door and the man has his back to me. I could just fling open the door run up behind him and knock him out. I could do that. I've done that. Reaching for my flick blade I remember that I don't have it any longer.

I don't think about where I left it.

That plan seems like the best plan though. I can probably hit him hard enough. I've done it before. I can do it again.

Quickly moving I open the door enough for me to squeeze through and I run at the AVALANCHE member. I tackle him hard and because I've taken him off guard he loses his balance and we fall to the ground. His head cracks off the ground hard.

The first thing I do is make sure that he's still alive. I know it's wasting time I don't have but I have to check. He's alive. I start breathing again. As long as he isn't dead. That's all I care about.

I get up and make my way to the elevator that has to be working because there's no other way to get around these floors without them. I don't even think my keycard works with these things but-

The elevator works for me. AVALANCHE must have rigged it to make it work. That's the only explanation. They'd need to use it too so of course it would have to work. I go to take a step in when I realize something I should have done the second I got up.

I have my phone on me.

I should call Reno and Rude. I should call Tseng.

Shutting myself in the elevator despite knowing it's probably a bad idea I try to call back to Junon. I barely have a signal but the call goes through to Reno. It rings once, twice, three times and then the call dies. There's no signal.

Suddenly the elevator starts up and I nearly fall to the ground. I thought Shinra would have smoother elevator rides but I guess I was wrong there. The doors are going to be here any second and I'm going to be found. Looking up there's a hatch. There must be a vent or something I can throw myself into in the walls.

It takes me a second to get the hatch up and even longer to get myself up and through because of my height but I do it and that's all that matters.

I would be lying if I said being on top of a moving elevator didn't scare me. I feel like I can't breathe and I'm scared that I'm going to get crushed by whats over head- but I know I won't. The elevator is slowing already- and then it's stopping.

Not having time to listen to the voices getting in the elevator I spot the vent I'd been hoping for. Quickly pulling it out its spot on the wall I squeeze my way into the vent. It's bigger than the one I'd thrown myself into back in Junon but not by much. This vent stretches forward for quite a while and all I can do it follow it.

Just like before it's slow moving. I don't want to pop the vent and have every member of AVALANCHE right behind me again.

Once I reach the end of the vent I see that my only choice is up. Theres a grate at the end and it's lucky that I'll be able to reach it and that its not a straight climb or else I would be stuck in here for good.

It's awkward and painful trying to get into a standing position and I'm sure that I make enough noise to wake the entire building. It's hard waiting to see or hear if anyone is coming and my heart is beating loud in my ears, but after long moments nothing comes.

Carefully I push the grate out and slide it across the floor. Somewhere I'm thinking that Shinra building needs to invest in a better venting system but I know it's not the time for that.

Crawling out I place the grate back and look around. There's someone here for sure but they might've just got here and not heard me in the vent. I move quickly for cover. I'm under a desk which I'm realizing isn't the best place for me but it's all I have. This tight space forces me to sit with everything close to me. This space makes me want to shut my eyes and lay here forever letting the memory of what I've done take over-

My foot knocks a chair and-

"Who goes there?"

I hold my breathe. I know it's silly and that it does nothing but I'm holding it. It's helping me and I don't care if Reno laughs at me for the rest of forever when he found out that in the face of danger I hold my breath.

Fighting the urge to hide my face I do my best to think up a quick plan. One that isn't stupid and one that won't get me killed. The elevator is a stupid plan as I've just figured out and I'm not too fond of vents. I'm going to be bruised for weeks-

(Bruises is just blood under the surface-)

(Of the skin-)

(Skin tears so easily-)

(I should know-)

(Blood-)

(Blood everywhere-)

"I said who goes there?"

The voice is enough to startle me out of my train of thought and before I can stop myself- or before I even know I'm doing it I let out the tinniest little gasp. If the room hadn't been so quiet it would've been nothing, but of course in this room at this moment that little gasp is the loudest thing on the planet.

Footsteps are quick to run to me- I can hear the gun they carry and-

I getting up and revealing myself. I shock the AVALANCHE member just long enough to allow me to grab the chair I'd nudged. He's getting his gun up to aim at me at the same time I'm lifting the chair to throw at him. It's all I have. It's stupid and it's only going to be loud but-

I have to stop thinking about that-

(But-)

I'm throwing the chair at the same time the gun fires. I don't know if I'm hit but down I go hitting the ground hard- my head not spared. Stars and darker black spots are all over my vision but I don't have time to waste on the ground. I don't feel hurt and I can see well enough to get by if I blink enough.

Crawling to my feet I run past the person I've hit. They're not older than me. He looks like he can't believe I'm leave him there on the floor. He knows my uniform. Turks are supposed to be ruthless killers and I'm not. I'm leaving him. He thinks I'm an angel, letting him live, I can read it in his face.

I'm not an angel.

I'm nothing but a coward.

I stop running just before I leave the room. I can't bare to look behind me and back at him. What am I doing? What was my plan?

"Get out of here," I find myself saying. I know I'm betraying the company but- "Get out of here," I say again, "Just run and get out of here. You don't know what you're getting into-"

"Says the Shinra lapdog!" the boy yells back. I can feel the hate for me radiating off of him and he's throwing the chair off him. Any good he'd felt for me is gone. He'll get up and kill me. I should run.

"What do you know?" I argue facing him now. He's still getting to his feet and fumbling with his gun. "Have you killed?" I ask, "Do you really intend to shoot me?" I stare him down. Looking at his age he couldn't. He's no older than me… He just couldn't-

And yet I have-

"Y-yes! I do! I've been trained to!" his voice is faltering.

"So have I!" I yell. "You know my uniform. How could you not know it?" Honestly I don't know what I'm expecting to happen. I just want to stop and cry and shake and stop the hurt I'm feeling from hitting my head off the ground and stop the images and sounds that never seem to end-

I'm shaking.

"J-just get out," I manage to say through chattering teeth. All I have to do is get to the top floor and see if the President is okay. I have to stop wasting time. I don't have time for this right now-

(I'm so useless-)

I look to the AVALANCHE member and he sees me shaking. I'm so sure he's going to shoot me. He's not though. I can see it. He sees me- he's really seeing me. He knows who I am and what I've been trained to do and how I can't because-

I just can't.

"Killing isn't-" I start to say doing my very best to get myself under control. I'm the only one here that can do anything. I have to stop. The shaking stops. "Killing isn't what you think it is."

And I'm running off before anything more can be said or done.


	24. Eavesdropping

_uh... Happy Holiday gift?_  
><em>This is a short chapter but- er... yeah.<em>

* * *

><p>I run as quickly and as quietly as I can. That AVALANCHE boy didn't shoot me but that means nothing. I can't stop him from running his mouth off to someone else and I know I'm not going to be lucky enough to not get shot the next ti<em>me I run into someone.<em>

I don't exactly know what it is exactly I'm trying to do. My phone is useless and so I can't call back to Junon for help. I suppose I've been out for a few hours and maybe someone is on their way already. I doubt it a little but it's a little reassuring to be thinking that I might not be alone in here for much longer. After all my only plan had been to get to the top floor and see if the president's okay.

Of course I'd been assuming he would be and that I wouldn't have to do this. AVALANCHE is clawing all over the place and so I really doubt that he is. At the rate I'm moving he's probably dead already unless AVALANCHE needs something from him. Probably not. They just want him dead so that Shinra collapses and they can take control of what was taken from them.

I can't say that I don't blame them for being angry. I'd never realized the slums were so bad. I guess I think that they shouldn't be doing what they're doing to get what they want but it's the only way they'll accomplish anything. Shinra controls everything.

Running past a room I hear voices. My first thought is to keep going before they hear me and shoot me dead but I stop. The voices- I know them. Of course I do.

It's Reno and Rude! They're here! I'm not alone!

Reaching for the door I go to open it but I stop. I listen. Reno's not talking like he usually does and Rude's silence doesn't feel the same as it usually does. Pressing an ear against the door I listen in. I have a feeling I shouldn't be, but I am anyway.

"I know, okay, yo?" Reno says. He sounds angry. It's scary how he sounds. I've never heard him like this. I want to call out to them and get them to help me but I can't seem to find my voice. Instead I keep listening.

"You can't possibly," Rude replies evenly.

"I do. I'm not blind, yo."

"Then how do you explain your actions?"

"How do you explain yours?" Reno counters. Theres a tight pause. I press closer to the door to hear if there's anything being whispered but I can't hear anything. "You're the one that's always preaching about the number one rule of being a Turk , a rule you made up I might add-and yet-"

"Reno-"

"And yet you're the biggest offender of it, yo."

"We don't have time for this."

"This is the perfect time, yo. You've been acting differently ever since Cecilia and I'm telling you I'm not blind."

I swallow a lump forming in my throat. I really shouldn't be listening. This is their problem. I might be apart of it but I haven't done anything. I didn't choose to be partnered with them. Still, I'm not moving and I want to listen- even though it's so wrong.

I'm being foolish.

"Really, Reno it's nothing. Let's just do our job-"

"If you have to resort to lying that feebly to me then we really have a problem, yo. We're partners, man. We can't do our job when you're acting so-"

"We're partners. Exactly. Nothing gets between that. Let's move on-"

"Quit avoiding the subject!" Reno growls.

"I'm not."

"Oh that's rich, yo." Reno says with a dark laugh. "Real rich, Rude-"

I jump from the loud sound of what must be Reno's hand slamming down on the table. Theres another tight silence between the two and the noise of whatever was on the desk earlier hitting the floor.

"I'll tell you again, yo. Your shades might fool everyone else but not me. I know you better than that. I'm not blind to how you look at me, or how you stand too close sometimes, or how you like to keep contact with me for longer than necessary-"

"Reno that's enough-"

"I know you don't want to hear it but I didn't want to say it and it's come down to this now-"

"Reno-"

"You sound like a broken record, partner."

"…"

"Even Cecilia has noticed, yo. She might not have been able to put it into words yet from the looks of it, but she's noticed. Everyone's noticed, yo. Did you think I was really that blind?"

"I'm your partner. I know you're not what you seem to be."

"Then how the fuck did you think I wouldn't notice this, yo?"

"…"

"I know that you've got something you've wanted to say for a long time and I might've listened a while ago, but with how you've been acting man… What am I supposed to do?"

"…"

"You know it would probably help if you said something, yo."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to repeat what I tell you to say like some fucking parrot, yo."

"Then tell me what it is you're not blind to."

For some reason I find Im holding my breath. Reno's silence was almost painful to listen to. I shouldn't even be listening. I shouldn't hear what he's going to say but I'm not moving. I swallow the lump in my throat. This isn't the time to be standing outside of a door listening like a fool when AVALANCHE is running around trying to kill the president-

"I'm waiting."

"Fine. If you're sure you're ready for it then," Reno says. "You like me romantically. You figure that because I fool around with anyone- it doesn't matter who or what gender, at any time whenever I feel like it that you had a chance with me because we're partners."

"You're wrong."

"I am not, yo, and you know it."

"If we're being forward with this, I do not like you romantically, no. It's something much different and much more complex, but what's bothering me, Reno, is the fact that you're doing exactly what I am-"

"I don-"

"You do and before you go telling me I'm a coward I think you should-"

With my heart racing I push myself away from the door with a force that surprises me. I go stumbling backwards until I hit the wall on the other side of the hall. I don't want to hear anymore. I don't want to know. I know I shouldn't have listened in at all in the first place but I really don't want to know. Any thoughts creeping into my mind get shoved back. I won't think about them. It'll be better that way.

I could just pretend I didn't hear anything and I could just keep going down this hall and keep going until I thought of what to do myself or I could stand here like a fool. How much time have I managed to throw out the window? Probably all of it. Probably by now the president is dead and it's all my fault for dilly-dallying.

Before I know I'm doing it I've decided. I'm just going to continue and do my own thing and run into them later. If they seem me here they'll know and what little trust is left between all of us will be gone. I know it and I don't want to chance it. I'm just going to block it out and pretend that everything is okay and that its fine. They've been doing it so why can't I?

Not five steps away does the door fly open behind me. I can't help but check. Reno comes out and I don't see Rude. From how Reno's holding himself I find I'm afraid of him. The anger he emits is terrifying. I've never seen him like this before.

Then the AVALANCHE member comes skidding around the corner, right into Reno's view. I see the look of terror on his face even at this distance. Reno raises his arm up and I see the flash of his gun in what little light there is. Words get caught in my throat and he doesn't hear me.

He fires the gun.

The AVALANCHE member falls to his knees, bleeding all over the place and he slums to the ground. Not dead. Still breathing. Suffocating, suffering, slowly dying.

Reno laughs.

I didn't know him but I hadn't killed him and he didn't kill me even though we were supposed to-

I wanted to cry for him but no tears came. Only a strangled little whine escaped me, loud enough for Reno to hear. He turns to face me. I don't look at his face. I can't bear to see it. Everything about him brings back things I don't want to remember.

"Cecilia," he says.

Looking past him I see the AVALANCHE member on the ground. Just like when I killed he's gasping hard trying to grab hold of the last little bits of life he has left and then he stops.

The silence rings loudly in my ears. I can't take it. I can't.

I just can't.

"Cecilia," Reno says again, "what are you doing here, yo? You should have gone home."

I look at him. His eyes are different. He looks almost concerned for me. That can't be right though. He just killed someone. He was so full of anger just seconds ago. This isn't right. He's not right. Behind him the AVALANCHE lies dead. He should be more concerned that he just killed a man and-

He's not right.

"I know," I manage to tell him, but my voice cracks as if I'm about to cry. I feel no tears coming though. His hands are on my shoulders and I want nothing more than to get away. He sees the change in me and holds my shoulders tighter. I see something change in him too, but I don't care for it right now. "That's not the problem though. ALVALANCHE is here-"

"I know," Reno says.

I swallow the lump in my throat. If could just distract myself for a little white longer then I can go home and sleep and forget everything even for just a little while. "Then you know we have more pressing things," I force myself to say. "We should deal with that first."

Reno keeps looking at me, right into my eyes and I can tell that he's making choice.

"We don't have time for this," Rude says, making me jump. I hadn't even noticed him. "She's a Turk and she shouldn't be given any special treatment, Reno. We're not resting until we fix this now let's go."


	25. Snap

_Another short chapter. Yeah. Uh... I'm not too happy with it and I know there's something really wrong about it but I can't figure out what it is an I just want to wrap this story up because I've never finished a story before and it's exciting for me, okay?_  
><em>Once I figure out what's wrong with it I'll go back and fix it. Of course everything plot wise and what happens here will be the same so ifwhen I do change it don't worry about missing out on something_.

* * *

><p>We run quickly through the Shinra building and for the most part we come up with a plan. It's a little half baked but it's better than anything I would have come up with by myself.<p>

There had been a tight moment between Reno and Rude when deciding who I should go with and it got even tighter when I suggested that I could just go by myself. Reno suggested that i go with Rude which everyone thought was odd and Rude said I should just go with Reno and save everyone more problems. I hadn't put up a fight or anything about it. I'm nothing but tired and the faster we get this over with the better- for everyone.

"Work quickly," Rude says to us before going off by himself to start the first part of the plan. We're working on a little bit of an assumption that the President is still alive because AVALANCHE has decided to interrogate him for some reason or another. We had to work on that idea because if he was dead we could just go home but that's not what being a Turk is.

Reno leads me and I'm a little surprised that he isn't checking if I'm okay and acting all… concerned. Maybe I'm happy that he isn't.

Everything is quiet besides the soft buzz from Reno's EMR. He's ready to attack at any moment. I don't have anything but my fists and I'm not strong like Rude is. I feel more dependant on Reno than ever and I don't like it.

He looks at me over his shoulder and then forward again.

"Fine," I say.

"What?" he asks.

"I'm fine." It's a lie. I'm not fine, but I'll only be slowing us down if I mention that I'm not. I'll be fine until I go home. I can do that much. I just need to push everything back and out of my mind and I will be fine.

That's what I've been telling myself over and over again anyway.

"I didn't ask if you were alright, yo."

"You didn't have to," I say. I saw it in his eyes when he looked over at me. Since that fight he had with Rude he's been so much easier to read. I don't know if it's a good thing. I've always thought it was a bad thing that I was as open as a book when it came to my own emotions but Reno is always so guarded. I'd always thought that had been because he needs to be but-

Reno doesn't say anything and continues leading me through the building. Somewhere in me I'm thinking about how he's holding himself and what it means but as I keep telling myself there isn't time for that and that there's more important things at hand.

We got ourselves to the vent I was going to be crawling in. I didn't like how often I was finding myself in these things. Admittedly they were the best way to move around seeing as they couldn't possibly have these monitored.

"You first," Reno says.

"Yeah," I say taking a breath for a second. I feel him looking at me and I can imagine that he's raising his eyebrows asking me what I'm doing. Of course he isn't say anything but I feel like I should talk so I do. "Just feeling a little claustrophobic. It's tight enough by myself in there but with you in there it'll be worse."

Reno waits patiently for me and once I nod he boosts me up into the vent. It's tight but I'm sure Reno will fit. Crawling down the space a little he climbs in after me and the vent feels like its really closing in on me now.

Stupidly I realize in this tight space that past the smell of metal all around me there's the smell of Reno. It's something hard to describe and yet it's so undeniably Reno. He smells earthy and like some sort of cheap cologne. I smile to myself when of course there's the whiff of booze that I smell under it. I suppress a laugh. It's just something that is apart of him. Like how I knew that it was Reno in the bar there to save my sorry behind for causing such a stir even though I'd never seen him before. This smell is Reno and I know it and it's familiar even though I've never taken notice of it until just now.

Somehow I feel that it's… comforting.

Silly, stupid thoughts that have no place here and now. I shake them away.

Reno's waiting for me to move and he thinks it's the close space. I'm not if it's that or him. I breathe deeply and keep moving.

It's hard work seeing as we have to go up using the vents. There are tight twists and turns that I can barely make and I wonder how Reno makes them without nearly dislocating his spine like I feel I nearly have several times. We go up at least four vents and by the time I pull myself up the fifth one and move for Reno I'm exhausted.

Mentally and physically. This tight space is too much for me. I don't want t move forward.

"Come on, Cecilia. We gotta go, yo," Reno urges. "Just one more shaft to crawl up."

"I know," I breathe. "Yeah. I know." Somewhere I'm thinking that it would have been easier to just run from floor to floor instead of this because of how long it takes but I don't really have any say in anything.

Above me I can hear footsteps and harsh voices. We're below the presidents room and what we're doing is using the vents to get over and above them then drop down. Rude has his mission to do and we need to get moving.

Suddenly the vents shake and groan from an explosion. That would have been Rude. I move quickly and Reno's right behind me.

Up another vent and two sharp turns later we're right above them. Reno's looking though the vent with me and we're just waiting for Rude now. The good news is AVALANCHE hasn't killed the President yet. He's been gagged and bound but he's alive. The terrorist group is talking quick and low. I can't hear what they're saying.

Glancing over to Reno I notice how close he is. HIs face is hard and I don't know what to make of it. I know he's focused on the mission but it's like he's deciding on something. I can't think of what it might be. There's nothing that he could be deciding on right now. He's on a mission and I know him. He's think about the mission and thats all. Nothing more until the job is done.

The door to the room suddenly blasts open and it's Rude.

Reno quickly moves the vents cover and down he goes, and I'm right behind him.

The terrorist group was so focused on Rude that when Reno and I drop down we take them fully by surprise.

There's five people in the room I notice quickly as I'm dropping to the ground. Rude's already taken care of one and by the time I reach the president Reno's taken care of one more.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Shinra," I say as I undo the gag. I would be helping Reno and Rude fight if I thought I would be any use at all to them. I know that I wouldn't be so I assigned myself to getting the President out of here.

"As you should be!" the President roars.

I pull at the ropes holding him in place and it takes me a second before I can work them free. As soon as the President feels the ropes slack he pulls himself out of the chair. Turning my back on him for just a minute I look for something I could use as a weapon. I don't want to have one in my hands so soon but theres nothing I can do about it. This is my job.

Theres a pen and it's going to have to do. If it comes down to it I'll-

I'll stab it through the attackers hand or something. That would be okay. I almost want to laugh. Since when did stabbing someone through the hand become _okay_ to me?

"Come with me, sir," I say grabbing the President and taking him out of the fight. He doesn't like that I'm grabbing him and he tries to fight me but I told tight.

These floors are unfamiliar to me and because of Rude's bomb going off things are shattered and broken and hanging and it only disorients me more. I can't exactly stuff him in the vents to get him down the floors and so the elevators are our only option but I remember from the last time I was in one what happened. I was nearly caught.

"Won't we get caught if we take this?"

"There's no other way, sir."

"And what if those men come into the elevator? You telling me you're the one who's going to keep me from getting killed?"

I take breath. "Yes."

"I would much rather be with that big man who blew open my door. I suppose it was him that destroyed this floor!"

I push the President into the elevator and go to hit the close button. Just before it closes the door jams. Reno's EMR stopping it. It opens again and both men jump in.

"Alright," Reno says, pushing the button for the next floor, "Lets get out of here, yo!"

"I just with these elevators went all the way to ground floor," I say quietly.

The elevator comes to the floor and we all pile out. Reno and Rude take offensive positions as I run quickly to the next elevator. The plan sounded half-baked but acting it out was even worse. There was too much time where we were gig to be standing around.

The elevator comes and we move down to the next floor, and then the next usage the same tactic.

"Too easy," Rude mutters as we wait for the fourth elevator. No one says anything. Now that Rude has said that we're going to be surrounded. Thats just how things work. If something bad can happen it will happen to you. The worst thing is the fact that AVALANCHE is smart. They had a distraction at Junon big enough that we fell for it. Right now they're probably planning something.

Then the floor shakes and there's an explosion.

"Rude-?" Reno yells.

"No."

And then there are another five people coming at us. Two of them leap at Reno, and Rude takes on one more. The last one is coming at me.

I freeze.

Of course I do.

"Damnit!" I hear.

Then somewhere I find it in me to move. The AVALANCHE member is coming down on me and I whip my arm up in defense. Then he's on top of me with all his weight making me stumble and fall back.

I'm screaming wordlessly, terrified out of my mind and I'm thrashing away at the man trying not get him off but he's moving just as wildly as I am. I'm waiting for the pain of his knife in my side to shoot through me and I'm waiting for the pain of the gun he must have fired but there's nothing.

After a minute I see that he's only thrashing about because I am. I stop and so does he. My own scream is ringing through my ears and I know what's happened. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to look but I am and I can't stop myself and-

-there it is. My pen stabbed through his throat. I wiped my arm at him without even thinking about it. Somewhere I knew that with all his weight behind him the pen would do real damage. I knew I would be safe if I just raised my arm.

And I killed him.

I killed him whether I was thinking about it or not. No turning back no nothing. I killed another man and something deep inside me snaps.


	26. That Drink You Owe Me

Reno pulls me up to my feet roughly. I'm shaking again. I don't know if I'm feeling worse or better than I did from the last time. I try to breathe evenly but I'm just taking in short shallow breaths.

I've just killed.

I just killed someone _again_.

"Rude," Reno says. "Can I leave you here, yo?"

"What are you thinking Reno?" Rude asks. He knows what Reno's doing even if I don't in my state of mind. I try not to hear his voice. There's something in there that I know I shouldn't be hearing. I realize now that I'd been deaf to it before when it's so obvious.

"You told me to do something about it, and so I am, yo," Reno says. His grip around my wrist is tight and I might be mistaking his my own shaking but he seems to be shaking too. Reno couldn't be nervous. He's Reno. "You know that Cecilia wasn't fully here when we came along and now she really isn't. If we ask her to do anymore she's going to be dead weight to us and we can't have that. We've got the President now and I know you're come than capable of doing it yourself. I know you, yo."

And there's this moment where somethings flickers across both of their faces. Something deep and powerful.

"… Understood."

"Good," Reno says. He looks to me and we run away from Rude and the President. They're going out a back door while Reno looks to be leading me right out the front. Not that I care about how we leave, just as long as we do.

We escape the building without much of a problem. Reno beat up a few people but didn't kill them. Just for me. To keep me sane he said. I smiled but I didn't know what was right anymore.

Something inside me snapped and I broke when I saw that I'd killed again.

Reno holds my wrist pulling me along with him as we make out get away. We aren't heading the direction of my apartment so I guess he's taking me a roundabout way. To be safe, I suppose. I'd rather we risk it and and just go home.

"Reno?" I voice after a long time. He grunts. "Where are we going?"

"There's still that drink you owe me, yo," he tells me with a slight grin. I blink. What was he talking about? I didn't owe him a drink from what I could remem- Oh. Right. I'd thought he was kidding about that. "I'm serious about my alcohol."

I don't answer. Unsure how to. I doubt I'd be able to come up with a coherent answer anyway. I'm not in the mood to drink. I don't know why he is, or why he thinks it's a good idea but I have no fight in me. I have nothing left in me. Hanging my head I try to block it all out. Of course it only comes back stronger when I do this. I'm so wrapped up in myself that I don't feel the stare of those we pass. I don't feel how much they hate me for who I am and everything I stand for. It's funny what a uniform can do to you.

I let Reno take me to wherever it is he wants me to go.

He ends up taking me to a quiet little bar. I'm surprised by this because he'd always seemed more like he belonged in a club. They were loud and they stood out, much like he did. I guessed that he was trying to be thoughtful for me.

We sit down and Reno orders us some drinks. Vaguely I'm hoping he hasn't just ordered the most expensive thing on the menu but at the same time I'm finding I don't really care.

The drinks get slid down to us and I have no idea what it is. Reno tells me and he tells me I'll like it but I'm not listening. I'm hearing the scream from the first guy, my own scream so loud it's ringing in my ears. I'm feeling the weight of the second man on top of me.

I start to shake.

Reno scoots a little closer to me. Past the smell of booze I find one much more comforting. I stop shaking, or I stop enough to call it a slight tremble. Reno doesn't look at me and I don't look at him. I stare down at my hands and the deep bronze looking drink. Reno stares straight ahead taking a long drink from his glass.

"Drink," he says. "You'll feel better."

I force a laugh. It's rough and strangled sounding. I cut it off when I notice what it sounds like. It's such an ugly thing.

"Seriously, drink."

"I want to go. I'll leave the money here for you and you can buy yourself whatever you want," I say getting up. Suddenly the world is reeling and I can't feel my legs and Reno grabs my arm, pulling me back onto the chair.

He doesn't say anything and he acts like he didn't, but I saw him glance down to my drink. I don't want to be here but my attempt at leaving just showed me I'm not going anywhere without Reno for help. Though I don't know how that's going to go over with him being drunk and all.

FInally I raise the glass to my lips and take a small sip. It burns a little on the way down. It makes my gut feel a little warmer though and I guess that it's a good thing because its not entirely an unwanted feeling. So maybe he was right about it making me feel a little better. Not enough to change anything but it's something.

We continue to sit in silence for a while and when I attempt to get up and leave again Reno doesn't grab my arm to pull me back even though my head is reeling and I can barely stand. Instead he says: "Why did you become a Turk?"

I look at him and he's looking back his head turned to face me and on a lazy tilt.

"You must've known full well what being a Turk means. Everyone does. You must've known yourself enough to know that you couldn't kill. So why'd you join something that has you killing everyday?"

I'm not sure if my legs give out or if I actually sit by myself but I'm not trying to leave anymore. I play with my drink. How am I supposed to answer that?

"I didn't chose to be signed up," I say finally. "Shinra came to me."

"Shinra came to you?" He doesn't believe me but it's the truth.

"Yeah."

"Why, yo?"

"I can read people pretty well."

"I know. I see you do it. I feel you do it, yo."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I see your eyes flick across peoples faces and I see you judge them and size them up. It's quite hard not to feel you looking at others so intensely like that." He laughs. I smile a little to myself. It's small and weak and it's all wibbly-wobbly but I'm smiling.

"Other than that I don't know why I'm a Turk." Playing with my glass I watch the ice cubes move around. "Not like I can just leave, right? It's my job now. I have my orders and I should follow them. It's my own fault for being like this."

Reno doesn't say anything and he's not looking at me but I know he's listening. It's nice of him.

"I know there's tests and trails and things you have to go through to become a Turk. To prove you can do it- I know because I did them. All of them. I used to think I passed but I obviously didn't. They just put me through because I can read faces. Not much use if I can't… you know… So it looks like they managed to get themselves a pretty useless memeber."

"No," Reno says suddenly making me jump. "You're problem is that you doubt yourself, yo. I saw you read Locke and I saw you distrust him. I trusted him fully, and blindly. It was stupid of me and it was even more stupid because I didn't bother to ask you about it. You were stupid too because you didn't say anything because you saw how Rude and I were and you started to doubt yourself."

I'm quiet. I've always known Reno isn't what he appears to be but I'd not expected that. Then I'm wondering about why Shinra needed me at all when they had Reno. He could do what they hired me for and more. I'm not anything special. Reno is.

Reno is the best thing that ever happened to Shinra.

"I suppose you're right," I tell him.

He scoffs. "I am right."

"Well then you are."

Reno laughs but doesn't say anything. He's not going to make me say anything I don't want to. Swallowing a lump in my throat I feel like I'm going to cry for a second. Of course I'm not because I haven't been able to no matter how much I try or want to, but it's the closest thing I've come to it since yesterday. I don't know why I am but here I sit shaking like a fool.

"I don't understand you," I end up saying.

"What do you mean?"

"When you killed that man in Gongaga," I keep talking because now it's too late to stop myself. The words are coming like vomit. "You laughed. You kill without a second thought-"

"-Like any Turk should-"

"-And then you laughed. You laughed like you hadn't just taken a man's life. Even if you can kill... It's monstrous! Who laughs after they see a man's life end?"

"I wonder, huh?"

I slam my eyes shut trying to block out what I know is coming. Images, sounds and feeling that are threatening every last bit of sanity I have. Something inside me broke just hours ago and I don't want to loose myself to this. I'm me, and I can't lose myself because if I do… what do I have left?

Reno touches my shoulder and I open my eyes. I'm breathing hard. He usually stops me from shaking but not this time. It's getting worse and I want to cry. That's all I want to do is cry. I wish that I could but I can't. Nothing comes. Just frustration that I can't.

I wish I could be the Turk that I should be.

"Don't beat your self up, yo," Reno says quietly. "You're better than you think you are."

I shake my head to tell him no. I'm not. He must realize that I'm not cut out for this. I'd only had one successful mission. It had been my first one to Bone Village. They all went down hill after that. I got captured by some hooligans right off the street because I wasn't paying attention. I became terrified of killing in our next mission and I went to see if a foul-mouthed protester was alright after a speech in Rocket Town. I never voiced my concerns for Locke because I doubted myself and then I went and got myself thrown in the infirmary for something like eight days. I killed two people and completely lost it.

I'm a Turk, but by title only. Even that I don't deserve. I don't have what it takes. I've never had it.

"Look at me," Reno says. I don't. "Look at me." And his quiet tone I didn't know he was capable of disappears. It's commanding. It's scary. I look. "You think you're a failure but you're not, yo."

I open my mouth to object but nothing comes out. Even if I had said something Reno's cutting me off.

"You jump out a helicopters like it was no big deal. Do you know how many recruits we get that can't do that? Do you know how many of them get hired on and still can't do it fifty, one hundred jumps later?" He's looking at me fiercely. I realize he's letting me read him. He wants me to see how he's feeling. I'm not sure I want to. Not right now. Not like this. "You do understand that even when you get separated from Rude and I you manage to get shit done and not get yourself killed? We've lost many men because they lose their heads or get too cocky." He closes his eyes and laughs mostly to himself. "You're brave. You know yourself that you don't belong here. That's it not in your nature, and yet I've seen you suck it up and knock people right out to stand up for yourself and us. That takes something."

I swallow. I'm not used to seeing Reno like this. So serious. I'd hardly thought he was capable of this. I'm not sure if it's me or him still, but right before he moves his hand off my shoulder and he looks away, I swear I feel his hand tremble.

We both take a drink, his larger than mine. The same warm feeling speeds through my stomach. Before I even recognize that I'm doing it I'm moving myself closer to him. Reno's tense for a very brief moment and then he relaxes. He's comforting to me. He always has been, I've just done my best to ignore it because I know Rude is right. Most importantly right now though is the fact that Reno is alive and right here with me. He's someone I know.

"Cecilia…?" he breathes.

"Does this bother you?" I ask. I'd never allowed myself to be too close to him before because of Rude but right now at this moment he's not here and this closeness is comforting. He's comforting, Reno is.

"No."

I realize now just how quiet the bar is. I'm sure that everyone, all… fifteen of them can hear us. It's not like I we're spilling Shinra secrets exactly but I'd forgotten they were there. Past everything else that was raging on inside of me I feel embarrassed.

"I want to go home," I say. I'm tired and I really just want to cry… just not somewhere so public. Or in front of Reno. I doubt Shinra is going to give me time off for this seeing as I should be able to cope so the more time I have at home I think would be best.

"Alright," Reno says with a slight sigh. "You won't even have to owe me another drink."

My glass is still mostly full, Reno's is nearly empty but has maybe a mouthful or two left in it.

"Sorry," I say. " I just…"

Reno doesn't say anything and he gets up, pulling me by the wrist. He leads me, not as quickly as he did when he was taking me to this bar, but quickly enough that most of my energy and thought process to move on leg after the other.

Slowly I'm realizing that when I'm feeling overwhelmed my mind drifts to stupid things. Things I've ignored or didn't want to think about. This time it's how I don't like how Reno's holding my wrist. I wriggle my wrist free and Reno looks at me. And here come those stupid thoughts again because I'm lacing my fingers through his. I feel embarrassed and shy and I'm thinking about Rude's rule. Mostly I'm thinking about how I like the feeling of my hand in Reno's.

I'm thinking about all the times I pushed Reno away even though I'd have liked him to be closer.

It takes him a moment but he holds my hand tightly back. I don't look to his face to see what look he wears. I smile slightly to myself.

The whole way there I never noticed that Reno wasn't taking me home. This I suppose is his apartment. I let go of his hand and go to object.

"My apartment was closer," he says holding my hand tight again. "Don't worry. Rude's over often enough that I have enough spare things for you. Might be a bit over-sized but..."

By now I just don't care. As long as there's somewhere I can curl up under the covers away from everything and sob that's all I care about. I shake my head and he gets the point. He takes me up to his apartment. He lets go of my hand to open the door. He walks in first and I follow him.

As soon as I'm inside his apartment and the door is closed behind me an ugly strangled sob escapes me. I thought I could hold on until I could crawl into a bed and hide away but I couldn't. This apartment is so Reno and something about that makes me ache and hurt and-

I'm wiping my face to get rid of the tears rolling down my cheeks at the same time I'm trying to hide the ugly noises I make from Reno. My face is twisted terribly and puffy already I know. Reno comes to wrap me up in his arms and I don't know what to do with my self. Great wracking sobs shake me.

"I'm sorry," I choke out. I hold the front on Reno's dress shirt tightly. I don't know if I want him to see me like this or if I do. I don't know if I should push him away or hold tight. I end up feebly shaking his shirt in my hands.

"Don't be."

"Killing isn't what it's made out to be."

"It's not," Reno agrees. I'm shaking and I can't stop. "This is good you know. You're showing grief and remorse. If you didn't you'd be a monster."

I can't answer him for a long time. The sounds and images and feelings rushing through me so vividly making me relive them are too much. My head hurts. It's throbbing. I can't deal with it. I cry out wordlessly and press myself to the only thing I'm sure of. Reno.

"I'm a monster!" I end up wailing out.

"You're not," Reno assures me.

"I am!" I yell. He doesn't care that I'm making a lot of noise. He just holds me and rocks me back and forth, back and forth until I'm calm enough to listen to him.

"You're not-" and I'm shaking my head and moving away from him, "-the fact that you know that it's wrong and that you're feeling makes you human."

"I've killed though! I did it on purpose! I'm a murde-!"

Reno kisses my mouth. I'm sure it's a pretty terrible kiss because he's taken me by surprise.

I finally open my eyes to look at him when he pulls away. He looks like he's just as shocked as I am. The first thing I want to do besides go back to crying is touch my lips. I'd been kissed before and I've always known about Reno and his… tendencies if I can put it that way but I'd not been expecting that. Not at all. For being taken by surprise and everything else it'd actually been nice. Somehow I'd thought it would be more rough. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to this side of Reno. His gentle side.

"This is the moment in most situations where I would declare my undying love for you," he says. "I'm not sure if I love you… but I do like you. I like you a lot actually, Cecilia. Rude told me to do something about it so I did."

No words come and I swallow. Tears start up again and I'm not even sure as to why I'm crying anymore. Too late I realize bursting into tears right after a kiss like that would hurt anyone. I try to tell him I'm sorry and that he shouldn't take my sobbing the wrong way but nothing comes out. Reno just pulls me onto the a couch. It feels good to not have to be worrying about standing. It feels good to know he's still right here. I think he understands what I was trying to get across.

"You asked," Reno starts a little unsure. "What sort of person laughs after killing… You said it was monstrous."

"Your laugh still haunts me," I admit. I'm still crying, but not as hard anymore. Tears still come and my head is pounding with a heartache but I have some sort of thought process now. I understand enough that I'd called him a monster. Maybe he is. I don't move away though. "From Gongaga."

Reno's quiet for a moment and then he says: "It's not as monstrous as you think. Laughing." I don't say anything to that. Reno keeps talking. "When I first joined the Turks I killed on my first day. I did it without hesitation because I was ordered to .I didn't even think twice about it, because I wasn't supposed to. And then later I did what you're doing now. I lost it." I try to picture Reno acting like this. I can't. He laughs and says, "Maybe not exactly like you. But I realized that it was like you said. Killing someone isn't what people make it out to be."

For a second I think he's trying to convince me he isn't a monster. But that's not it. It's something else.

"Rude who'd been there a while longer than me told me that he didn't want me to become like him. I didn't get it at the time. But I found that laughing and doing what I do made it easier, you know?"

I've finally stopped crying and I understand what Reno is telling me. I close my eyes and here comes everything I don't want to remember. I flinch back from it all and my heart is racing from it but I have no tears to cry for it anymore. There's nothing left in me. I am just numb and exhausted.

I'll heal. I will. This is what I tell myself But for now I need to sleep.

Before I drift off I feel Reno kiss the corner of my mouth and I think I might've smiled.

* * *

><p><em>Aw yiss. Look at dis koala tea.<em>

_I feel good about this chapter. Though I know some of you will read this and think: well that was fast and awkward._  
><em>Or you might be thinking: it sounds like Reno is taking advantage of some emotionally broken girl here.<em>  
><em>So I have an explanation:<em>

_Reno liked Cecilia for how she looked initially, and then as he spent time with her he realized the liked her past that as well. He thought she was brave and clever even if she didn't see it in herself._  
><em> He knew Rude liked him a little more than he should have and thus ignored him. He tried to play off his attraction for Cecilia as a buddy-buddy relationship but of course Rude saw through that hence why Rude was asdfghjklkjhgfdsa about it. Rude saw it as unfair that even though he knew Reno swung both ways and knew him better than anyone else Reno still went for Cecilia.<em>  
><em>On top of this Rude was angry that he (and Reno) were breaking his own rule of: "Never letting work become personal."<em>  
><em>Seeing as Turks have a tendency to die while on the job being emotionally attached would completely break someone if their partner died, hence the rule.<em>

_As to WHY Reno kissed her right now: He couldn't stand to see her so broken and hurt over something she'd done and wanted to make it better. He knew too well what it was like to kill someone and so he knew what Cecilia needed was someone to show/tell her she wasn't a monster and even if she was it wasn't the end for her. There were going to be people who understood her and people who would still love her._  
><em>Reno's afraid to say he loves her to her, and himself because he's scared of losing her.<em>  
><em>Reno knows this is what she needs because Rude was there for him quietly supporting him and understand him when he first joined, which is also the reason they're so close and have a sort of bromance. But of course Rude took it a step further than Reno wanted. <em>

_Cecilia although good at reading faces had trouble reading Rude and Reno because of their training and time spent with the Turks. They trained themselves to not give away anything they were truly feeling. At first she was intrigued by Reno but when Rude started to act angry and jealous in his own way she did her best to back off trying to keep in both their good books. Soon enough she too found herself breaking Rude's rule because she was getting attached to Reno for always being there for her. She did her best to ignore and push away these feelings because she saw them as wrong._  
><em>However in her current state of mind in this chapter denying her feelings for Reno were hard for her to do when she was trying to cope with the idea she'd just killed two people. It was simply easier for her to accept that she'd liked him for a long time and that if he had feelings for him she wouldn't reject him any longer. <em>

_ALSO_  
><em>I dropped Reno's "yo"s in this chapter for the most part because he talks a fair bit and I thought it might get annoying and repetitive. I also took them out because they took away from the serious tone Reno was trying to use. <em>  
><em>Depending on the reception of this, I might add them in later.<em>

_Also; I'd meant for them to stay longer at the bar but THAT didn't happen.  
>Also... no they aren't drunk at Reno's.<br>No. They don't have sex. _

_I think that covers everything...  
>ghjdshgajkh the fact I needed an explanation proves I can't write coherent plot story things hdjsahgjk <em>

_And a heads up, there's going to be a large time skip between this chapter and the next. _


	27. Of Humans and Monsters

"Yo," Reno greets with a big grin.

"Hey," I say.

How long have I been working as a Shinra Turk now? It has to be pushing two years now. Things have… changed.

After another month of working with Reno and Rude all that time ago I got assigned my own partner and I did missions with him. He's a good kid, Calvin. I call him kid even though he's a year older than me because he's junior to me in terms of seniority at Shinra. Our first missions had been just small ones at first because we both had to get used to each other. Calvin had managed to keep his head for the most part and not get himself killed, which was something promising. Now we're a good team. Not as good as Reno and Rude but still good.

"It's been a while hasn't it?" Reno says wrapping one arm around me.

"Mm." And I press closer to him to avoid the strong winds the helicopter is pushing around. Mostly I'm using that as an excuse.

Reno and I are dating…? In a relationship…? It sounds odd to me still to think of Reno and then those words. We are though. We're not supposed to be, and not because of Rude either. It'd taken a while but Rude soon ended up saying: "If you make Reno happy then that's all that matters". Anyway as it turns out it's an actual policy within Shinra. We were all a little shocked when we found that one out. Especially me, because I remember when I first joined I'd read every rule there was and I couldn't remember that one. But it's not like Reno has ever really been one for rules. If I had things my way it wouldn't be so well known, but of course Reno likes to make it public. Admittedly we don't get much time together since we're no longer partners. Vacations and missions don't line up and we hardly ever see each other around the building.

"Rude's coming isn't he?" I ask.

"Yeah," Reno looks around for his partner. "Where is he anyway, yo? He's never late."

Rude appears and walks over to us. He gives me a brief nod. It's not cold like it once was. I'd like to say Rude's the same as ever but in two years things and people change. Even rocks like Rude. I smile to him. Of course he doesn't smile back but he's welcoming to me.

"Sorry. Just got word from Tseng. We've got a change in instructions now."

"Ah, do we, yo?"

"As we were told before we're headed to Nibelheim but instead of the reactor in the mountains we're headed to the old Shinra mansion."

Reno rolls his eyes and turns to head onto the helicopter. I'm dragged along with him. I don't voice it but I'm happy that we're not going to the mako reactor anymore. Just like the slums I feel like I can't breathe in those things. They're so dirty and I can't believe I work for the company. No less in the department that wants me to keep their secrets.

We fly all the way to Nibelheim in just a few short hours and as always we get out of the helicopter a ways away from the town and walk the rest of the distance.

Even after two years I still find flying over the oceans amazing. It's so vast and sometimes when we're right in the middle of it and there's no land for miles around I wonder how it's possible. I still find it hard to believe there's an underwater reactor just off the coast of Junon. I do my best never to think about it though. It still haunts me.

A lot of things haunt me. Two years is a long, long time.

Nibelheim is a sleepy little town. There's nothing much to it besides the water tower in the middle. Small houses surround it and there's a few people peeking out of their windows at us. No doubt they know who we are and why we're here. Everyone does. Nothing new.

I notice Reno looking into one of the houses. I follow his gaze. There's a girl in a big house watching us closely. She has brown hair and probably the biggest boobs I've ever seen. Vaguely I wonder if Reno would like me better if I had boobs like her. I never really doubt how Reno feels for me, but every now and again something silly like that last thought would sneak into my head. Not like I'd ever admit to it to Reno. I shake the thought away. Now isn't the time for distractions. We have a job to do.

The Shinra mansion is just outside the main cluster of houses. It's old and worn looking and as I get closer to it I see that it's even more than that. I'm wondering how it's still standing.

"So he's in here somewhere?" Reno asks lazily, scratching his back with his EMR.

"That's what we're told," Rude says.

"I wonder why, yo?" Reno muses.

"Who cares?" I say with a small frown. "Let's just get it over with already."

I feel Reno look over. He doesn't say anything. I don't expect him to. Reno sniffs once and then starts to walk ahead of me. I trot along behind him and Rude walks along as well. Reno's as talkative as ever. Rude listens as always quietly in a way that used to make me wonder if he was actually listening. I know he is.

Up close the Shinra mansion looks less like an old house and more along the lines of something that belongs in a movie set. There might have been a time when I would have stopped dead in my tracks and just looked at this place half amazed and half afraid of it until someone dragged me along. Not anymore. The place was unsettling but nothing new. I've been everywhere ten times over. I keep in step easily with Reno and Rude.

As I've said. Things have changed.

We walk inside and a chill runs through me briefly. This place feel wrong, but so does every other place Shinra controls.

Dirty. Unnatural. Wrong. Corrupt. Words that come to my mind when I think of Shinra. Oh and secrets. Secrets. Secrets. Secrets. A lot of those. Everyone knows that this company sucks the life right out of the planet. They don't know the real one. Only employee's do. Some can't describe it… put it into words. I can though. Reno can. Rude can. Not Calvin. Not yet. I won't allow it.

I close my eyes, shove my thoughts to the back of my mind, take a breath of air, set my jaw and I open them again. All of those things are just distractions. Something not allowed. I'm ready now.

"Shinra wants him dead," Rude tells us.

Reno grunts. I see him glance over at me out of the corner of his eye. I don't look over. Being a Turk is my job. It has been for two years. I'm good at what I do.

"We might as well get started then," I say. "I'll look up stairs."

"I'll check here," Rude says.

"Reno?"

"I'll come with you, yo."

"Well how about we split up? I'll take the right side and you take the left?"

Reno shrugs. I start up the stairs and he follows quietly behind. Rude is already kicking down doors on the main floor. I can hear the doors as they clatter nosily off the walls. Nothing that sounds like anything dangerous. If he needs us, he'll call. He knows better than to not to.

I walk up the small set of stairs and come face to face with two doors in the empty hall. I decide to start with the one on my left at the end of the corridor. I kick open my first door and hear Reno kicking down his as well. I pause just for a second incase our wanted man had a gun and was a little trigger happy at the slightest noise. Carefully I poke my head into the door way and saw a small room with clutter all around it's edge. There is nothing here for anyone to hide in so I leave the room.

Down the hall I hear Reno swear loudly. I nearly go running for him when I realize he's yelling up a storm about safe or something. The safe isn't of our concern right now. There is someone here that Shinra wanted dead. It's our job to find him and that's what we'd do.

I start into the next room and I kick that door down too. More clutter, and again nothing much to hide behind. Spotting a door in the far corner of the room I carefully open the door. Behind this door this room seems to be a small bedroom. There is a bookshelf and a worn looking rug. Reno must have made his progress though his rooms already if his side was anything like mine. Rude hasn't called for us. Shinra wouldn't send their best operatives out on a wild goose chase.

(I don't think about the one time they did two years ago)

(I don't think about what happened)

(I don't think about what I did)

(I don't because it doesn't matter)

At how old this building is I don't doubt that it might have a secret or two hidden. I sigh and start looking. I avoid the bookcase because surely it wouldn't be something so cliché as that. I remind myself that it might not even been in this room, and that it might not even exist- what ever it is I'm looking for.

Soon enough I'm pulling books off the shelf one by one and pausing after everyone to listen for a click or something else to tell me I'd done it, nothing comes. I jiggle old lamps and other objects and nothing still. The last thing in here is a rounded stone wall. Frowning I walk over to the wall. There's nothing here. Surely it's really not like in a movie where one of the stones press in is it? That's cliché too.

Feeling carefully along the wall and pressing one ear to it I don't find anything. And then I touch a loose rock. I try to pull it out, but it's stuck. I almost smile at how unbelievable this is. I don't actually smile though. This is a mission and I have to be serious. Thinking about anything else will only distract me. I push the loose stone in and sure enough the wall shifts to show me an old passage way. I check behind me once and take a look in. The long winding staircase doesn't look to stable but neither does the rest of this place.

"Reno!" I call loudly. Waiting a second I call again. "Reno! Come here! Get Rude!" I hear something that sounds like he heard me so I head down the staircase. No point in wasting time. There's job to be done.

I keep my flickblade tight in one hand. Just incase. It's surprising how many of these I've lost in two years. I even learned that it's best to keep a spare in my pocket. It's not that I'm forgetful and I misplace them, oh no. I lose them in the same way every time, but I don't like to think about how I've managed to lose them.

There's a long hallway in front of me that reminds me of a dungeon. It's dark and cold and dank down here and I can hardly see two feet in front of me. Listening hard I don't hear Reno yet, but I don't hear anything else either. Using the wall as my guide I move forward. Reaching for my flashlight I stop. Running through it in my mind I decide against using it. My eyes will adjust quickly enough and with the light I'll be giving myself away. On top of that my eyes will like the extra light and when it comes down to it, and it will, I won't be able to see in the dark.

I keep going forward. That man we're looking for has to be down here. Though why this place even exists is beyond me. Surely this quiet town can't be using it for tourist attractions. Not unless they're going for haunted house, which would be a good idea if they weren't so close to the Golden Saucer.

Reno took me there once. I was shocked that he wanted to go, but I think he just wanted to scare me. When the doorman came down on a noose I think I might've almost peed myself. I'm sure I woke the dead in that place with the scream I let out. I mean I knew the place was supposed to be scary, but really. The doorman? Reno had laughed and laughed. I hadn't been amused at first but we had a good ti-

I shake my head. Distractions. I can't have those on the job. I can't think about anything but what I'm supposed to be doing. No wandering mine about the Gold Saucer, or how ridiculous this place is, or Reno, or the sound of gavel shifting some where-

Gravel? Shifting? It's not me.

My eyes have adjusted but I don't see anyone. I don't hear them anymore. But that gravel wasn't me. It came from… beside me? This place echoes and that sound really could be coming from anywhere. I know it wasn't me. I haven't made a sound since I got down here. I've made sure of it.

Squinting through the darkness I see nothing. I hear nothing. I don't even hear Reno or Rude coming down here. I should go back up and get them. Just incase. Curling one hand into a fist tight enough for my nails to dig into my palm I decide. No. I won't get them. I can do this. I realize that we've all been called in because this man is dangerous, and they think it'll take us all to kill him but I can do this.

I can.

I can because it's my job. I'm good at my job.

I'm good at my job because things have changed since that time.

There's just him and me down here. He has the same visibility I do. He might have a gun but I don't think he'll risk firing it down here. The muzzle flash will be visible. I'll see him if he misses. The bullet could hit me, or it might bounce off the walls down here. They are slightly curved after all. It's not impossible. Highly unlikely but not impossible. If he fires Reno and Rude will hear it and be here in seconds. If he hits me Reno and Rude will make him beg to die. They'll drag it out for as long as they can. Especially Reno. He still has those sadistic tendencies.

If I kill him it'll be quick.

I've been still for too long. He knows I've heard him now. I move slowly and press my back to the wall. My back to him would be like a target. I'd be asking for it. He'd shoot me then. Out of the corner of my eye I see him. He's tall and lean. He's gaunt looking and the shadows down here aren't helping. He looks like the living dead, like a walking skeleton. For a moment, I think: _experiment_. I can't ask that question though. It'll never be answered.

Besides I'm not supposed to ask. Shinra doesn't pay me to think. Just to do my job.

I don't look over. I keep him in the corner of my eye. He doesn't think I've seen him. He's quietly moving for me. Pausing with each step. Once he's close enough I can do it. It'll be done with. Quick and easy. Simple.

Still I'm too still. He knows I'm waiting. He stops. He's not close enough. Not just yet. Just a little more.

Just then there's noise. The sound is of a light person coming down the stairs. I turn. It can only be Reno coming for me-

And that's my mistake. I've turned.

The next thing I know I have one arm around my neck squeezing me tight. I can't breathe and I've dropped my flickblade. I hear it clatter to the ground. My sight is going. I can't see. There's black spots everywhere. I grab at the arm around my neck but nothing. My nails scratch uselessly. Then the grip around my neck loosens just enough for me to rake in breaths of air. I cough and spit and heave. Then another hand is pushing at my head. Pushing it awkwardly to once side.

_Oh. _I see. He wants me to be conscience for when he snaps my neck. Alright. Okay. It's my own fault. I got distracted, something I'm not allowed to do. I dropped my flickblade. Though, I didn't make the wrong decision to not call Reno and Rude. I could have taken him if I'd not gotten distracted.

Footsteps get louder and louder. The sound echoes loudly and it's giving me a headache. My head gets pushed more and more. It _hurts_. Just as Reno comes into view I let out a tiny wiper of pain. I don't cry though. I haven't in a long time. It's a useless thing on the job that will only lead to death.

Reno hears me and I can almost feel his rage from this distance.

The skeleton man gives my head a good shove and I can't help the sound that escapes me. His hand locks into my hair. At any second he could twist and snap me .My foggy panicked brain fumbles for something to work with and it latches onto something. What am I even thinking? I can't focus on it. The panic is too much. What am I trying to remember-

Pockets. What do I have in my pockets?

The next thing that's happening is I'm sending my spare flickable right though the left forearm. The arm that's attempting to break my neck. With a yowl of pain his hand jerks back and I'm let go. I'm gasping for air and my neck hurts like crazy but I'm not falling to my knees or crying. No. That's not what I came here to do.

I turn and stab the blade through his chest on his left side. I've broken bones. He's so skinny there's nothing there to protect whats just below.. And I'm pushing him down onto his knees and then onto his back. I twist the knife and he yells in pain. My hand reaches for the knife I dropped and plunges it down through his throat- effectively vetting off his screams and his airway.

Blood gets coughed up and spit all over me. It's on my hands and all over my suit. He dies quickly enough. I don't shake. I don't cry. I don't do anything.

Instead I'm sitting on the man who's dying under me thinking about how I'm going to need this suit dry-cleaned again and how I'm probably going to touch my face without thinking about it and smear this man's blood all over the place and about how it'll be nice to go home after filling out the paperwork for this.

"Cecilia?" Reno asks running over. "Are you okay, yo? Your neck…"

"I'm fine," I lie. Well, not entirely. My neck is fine, yes. And I'm okay. I'm not shaking and I'm fine. I'm dying though. That's the lie. I'm dying. This job is killing me. It's been killing me for two long years.

Because this is Shinra's secret. The worst one they could possibly have. The one the public can't possibly know about or even comprehend.

"You should have let me, yo," Reno says looking over the corpse with distaste. Then he looks to me. My face gives away nothing but he's reading me anyway. "You never laughed. You didn't do anything," he says. "How do you…?"

I don't answer. I sit and watch him.

"Cecilia," he whispers. He's scared for me. "Laugh," he urges. "Anything. Let it out, Cecilia. You'll lose yourself, yo."

I don't tell him it's too late. He hasn't seen me on the job in a long time. He doesn't know what I've done when he's not been right here beside me. It takes a second but I finally let him read me. His eyes flick over my face and my body and his whole face changes.

For a minute I'm scared. I'm so scared I've just lost him forever because he sees what's happened to me. I'm not the girl he met two years ago. I don't cry or shake from killing, the thought doesn't repulse me anymore. When I'm on the job that's all that matters and there's nothing else because that's what Shinra tells me. I'm not human anymore. I'm a Turk. I'm a monster.

Reno sees the fear on my face. Quickly he pulls me up off the dead man below me and we start to make our way back out of the mansion. Someone else will be sent to take care of the body. We were just here to make sure he was silenced. On the way up Reno calls Rude to let him know everything is alright and that we'll be back in a second.

We walk into the small bedroom and I head for the door. Might as well get out of here now that there's nothing to do. Reno grabs my arm and pulls me onto the bed. It smells musty and dirty.

"Reno," I say. Now really isn't the time for this. He keeps his arms locked around me and I sigh looking down at him. I can see that he's missed me and that he's wanted an excuse to have me to himself for a little while.

"Sorry, yo."

"Why're you apologizing?" I ask finally letting myself lay on top of him. I've missed this too.

"I couldn't save you."

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything. Pressing close I hide my face against his neck. Reno stays quiet too. He just holds me. I like feeling his chest rise and fall under me. He's tense in a way that tells me he's thinking. A slight touch against my waist sends a shiver down me. Its funny how even two years later he still has the ability to give me goosebumps.

"Try to laugh, yo. Anything to let it out."

Two years ago I thought I'd be okay. I thought I'd get better. Maybe I did in the eyes of Shinra.

I've changed because Shinra has changed me. I am not human anymore. I am a monster, because the truth is I've never laughed after a kill. I've never cried, or shaken, not once since that time. All of whatever I feel gets pushed deep down inside me and I never let it out. I've fallen and I can't go back because how many lives have I taken without looking back? Without even thinking twice about? Too many to count. I have death festering away inside me. Eating me. Killing me.

Rude is like this, too. He wears those shades so his eyes don't give away the horror in his mind. He's trained himself to be like a rock on purpose. He fell and he didn't want Reno to be like him.

I see it in Tseng and I see it in Elena, too. I used to think they were all monsters and I couldn't understand how they lived with themselves, but here I am. I'm just like them aren't I? I mindlessly kill because I've been told to. All my morals and everything I was and am went flying out the window all that time ago.

Monsters. That's how the people of this planet see us. But how can they know? How can they know we weren't always like this? They see what Shinra does to the planet. What Shinra does to anyone besides themselves they're blind to because they're selfish. They don't see what its done to us.

Tobias. I remember him because I remember wanting to tell him not to hate me because it didn't matter that I was a Turk. I'd still be me in the end. I was wrong. So wrong. I thought I'd be able to stop that. I thought I'd be able to hold onto me, but of course Shinra took that away. They had me kill again and again until they got me down to this.

Because killing isn't what people say it is. Not that I care anymore. I do it without hesitation. I don't think twice about it.

Reno tried to protect me from this evil, but he couldn't do it. Maybe that's why I don't let Calvin kill. I'm trying to protect him too. Is that what we do? Do we try and protect each other from the worst because we're all that we have?

I move just enough that I can look Reno in the eye. He's waiting for me.

Reno.

He's always been different. Right from the start. It's hard to describe because he's Reno. How can I describe him without sounding shallow?

He's the only one who's a Shinra man through and through who's somehow managed to hold onto himself. He's like a light in the darkest of places. He's beat Shinra. The funny thing is, He doesn't even seem to think of it that way, and neither does Shinra. Rude sees it though. He sees the truth how I see it. Maybe that's why he felt the way he did about Reno. He'd saved Reno from evil and he wanted Reno his light to the way back.

Unfortunately for Rude it never happened. I guess for myself too. Reno is right. He couldn't save me. I'm much to far gone now.

I try to laugh for him. I try to cry. I do. I let him see me try. All that comes out of me is the truth: "I can't."

Reno just grins for me. He's telling me it's alright. He knows that I'm dying and he understands because in this moment I realize he is too. He'll be with me right until the end.

And maybe this, right here, right now, together in this musty old room knowing exactly what the other is feeling with an understanding so deep it can hurt, knowing the evils in the world that the rest of the population is blind to… maybe this is what makes us human.

* * *

><p><em>Welp. That's it. That is the end.<em>

_Honestly as I type this right now I'm worried that this isn't the ending you want or were expecting- but this is it and I hope you liked it.  
>(at least somewhat anyway)<br>I can tell you right now this was hard for me to write. Really, really hard and I can only hope I did it justice. _

_I'm going to post one more chapter, but it's not going to be an epilogue or anything it's just going to be extras and ideas that never made it into the story. There will be explanations and probably some links to picture I have drawn myself but yeah.  
>If you have any questions or comments, or you want an explanation for something that happened or you want to request a scene that you wanted to happen, you can do so and I'll address them all. And if you don't want to read the whole chapter for your thing, I'll even include your username and stick everything you wanted in one section so that you may find what you want easily.<em>

_ghdsjaghsk I'm so nervous to publish thisahhhhhjdkhsgkjdsa_

_I hope you liked my story and thank you so very much for your support and staying with me until the very end._


	28. Extras

Alright so here's my extra's chapter. Part of the reason I even though to include this was because my story had an odd number of chapters and I hate odd numbers.  
>Also, I noticed I rejected the idea of materia in this story. No one uses it or mentions it… Maybe because I think writing: "AND THEN A BURST OF FIRE ERUPTED FROM MY PLAM AND THE SOLIDER IN FRONT OF ME IS ENGULFED IN FLAMES" seems silly to me. It's probably really weird that I don't like fantasy books with elves and… and fairies and magic but video games are super mega awesome.<br>AND HERE I AM WRITING ONE-  
>Wait what am I talking about even… okay time for the things you ACTUALLY care about.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ideas for endings:<br>**If you remember I used to have some real debate over what ending I should use. I'd always been leaning for the one I picked but when you see my other two ideas you'll see why I chose the one I did.

In one, I wanted it to be cliche and have Cecilia lead the Turks back to humanity- and even then I was going to have it be at the cost of her own. So like the one I picked but with a happy-ish? twist on it.

The other idea was to have Cecilia die because I wanted to play with it having Cecilia talk in past tense and start the chapter with "I can tell you right now that I died in Reno's arms."

But I didn't think it fit with the rest of everything and the only reason I thought of it was because it would get rid of her for the actually FFVII story line. Though it's not like I actually followed any story line at all with mine. But if you were paying attention to cameos Zack is still alive and Cloud is an infantry man sooooo… yeah.

Anyway, now for some thoughts on the ending I did choose.

I knew it would be a risky jump to take the jump I did but the idea of showing Cecilia's deteriorating mind over two years seemed impossible and I thought it would have a greater impact if it just sort of happened and there was a greater contrast.

Another thing I wanted to do was have Reno be the main character. And in a sense he was, I guess… even though I might not have pulled it off. ;; I say this because he was the one that was always there, the one who wasn't what he seemed and could actually talk sense when he wanted. He really was the light in the darkness of Shinra.

I thought that it was really only fitting because the chapter "Killer" where Cecilia first kills, was the one thing that jump started everything and the end was really the only thing that made sense with her reaction.

Part of the reason I liked playing with the idea of this whole monster vs human thing (besides the fact that I like it) was probably the fact that in my philosophy class we talked about what made something or someone human and the idea was really fun to play with. Admittedly I didn't think it would become such a large theme.

* * *

><p><strong>Cameos:<strong>  
>Who I cameo'd and where you can find them. Though it shouldn't have been hard to spot them. I would have liked to include everyone, but some I couldn't figure out how to work in without going off onto a tangent like RedX and Vincent…<p>

Scarlet: Chapter 1 (Cecilia)  
>Cid: Chapter 7 (Rocket Town)<br>Barret: Chapter 10 (Number One Rule of Being a Turk)  
>Aerith: Chapter 11 (Quiet night)<br>Yuffie: Chapter 12 (Routine Mission)  
>Cloud: Chapter 20 (Chaos)<br>Zack: Chapter 20 (Chaos)  
>Tifa: Chapter 27 (Of Humans and Monsters)<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ocean Sword:<strong>  
>ghjkfghfskg sajghsk! Thanks so much for your kind review!<p>

I'm not sure what I'll write next. Whatever fandom strikes my fancy I suppose. And it has to be a hard strike. I'm really into BBC's Sherlock right now, but I wouldn't trust myself with getting Sherlock right and I'm watching Digimon Adventure 01 again but I don't know about that either- so uh, yeah. I don't know. We'll see, I guess.

Maybe I will write the two years of Cecilia's deteriorating mind? Who knows.

Oh god excessive punctuation makes me laugh. /cries.

Anyway I won't write that Cecilia story unless it'll be good and not just like… filler or something.

[edit]: As I was writing up this bonus chapter I got into Kingdom Hearts again so there might be a(two) story(ies?) coming from there because gjdsahgsjkdh I love Kingdom Hearts, okay.  
>The first one would be Roxas' summer and be a like… love triangle with Olette, Roxas and Hayner because Hayner is always so… can I say he acts like a bitch to Roxas? Well he does. And I just really like Olette so-<br>The second idea that I had would be a novelization of KH2 but from the secondary characters points of view? So like the halloween town chapters would be from Jacks POV or Sally because I like thinking about what they must think of Sora.  
>AND ALSO I GOT LIMBO RECENTLY<br>AND I WANT TO WRITE A SECOND PERSON FIC ABOUT THAT TOO.  
>yeah.<p>

Here's a little secret I guess? that I think is highly amusing. Cecilia is actually an original character of mine in a story that I'm writing to get published. Physically anyway (refer to drawings section). I changed her personality to fit this story line better. The same goes for Tobias. He's the one telling my story. I couldn't have Cecilia and not mention Tobias!

Anyway you requested that they hook up so here's my altered version wherein Cecilia gets with Tobias.

_Note: Takes place after main story, and minus her feelings for Reno (obviously)._

Vacation is coming up soon. I can choose to go anywhere I want this time now that I've been with Shinra long enough that they trust me. Fiddling with a bobby pin I think about where I want to go. I've never been to the Gold Saucer but it seems like the place you would go to with a bunch of people. I suppose I could go to Wutai because that's become even more of a resort town in past year. Then again, maybe not. I was nearly killed there if I remember correctly.

Then I realize that I could just go back to Costa De Sol. That was nice. Well, it had the opportunity to be nice because I remember the whole time I was there I was dealing with Reno and then we got taken off vacation early to go deal with that situation in Junon. There was that nice cafe that Tobias-

I've been thinking of Tobias a lot lately. He'd been great company for the short amount of time I knew him. He could tell the simplest stories as if they were the most magnificent things that had ever happened on the face of the planet. Everything about him was put out on the table for me to see. I remember that I'd been thinking that I'd see some sort of evil behind him but there wasn't. There wasn't anything he was hiding from me.

He'd been so sincere.

Soon enough I'm thinking about how his hair looked in the sun of the cafe he took me to. Like Reno has hair like fire, Tobias had hair like the sun. Alright, so I'm exaggerating. His hair is been a dirty blonde colour but still. And his eyes they were such a warm amber colour-

I drop the bobby pin in my hand and my face gets hot the more I think about him. What am I doing? Getting all flustered and girly over a boy I'd only known for an hour or two tops. Looking out my apartment window I go over a few more places I'd like to go on vacation to, but I'm finding that the only place that really holds any appeal at all is Costa De Sol.

* * *

><p>Throwing my stuff into a small room I let out a sigh. What was I thinking? I could be at the Gold Saucer right now. But of course not, no. I thought it would be brilliant to come back to Costa De Sol. Calvin isn't even with me because he was sent on what was supposed to be a one day mission only to get held up for another two days. So here I am alone in Costa De Sol for reasons I'm embarrassed to admit I thought up.<p>

Because what was I thinking? A whirlwind romance? Who says Tobias is even here still? I feel like a crazy stalker. Grabbing a pillow I cover my face which is growing hotter by the minute. When did I let myself become such a girl again? I can't remember the last time I got like this. It's been work, work, work from day one of joining Shinra and I haven't had time for things like this.

And here I am.

After while of laying around I figure it's high time to do something. It is after all my vacation and those are few and far between. Getting changed I wrap my towel tightly around myself and head out.

* * *

><p>It's day three.<p>

With a sigh I sit down at a small booth in some restaurant. I didn't really pay attention to what it was when I walked in. It's depressing being here by myself. Looking out the window I see some people walk past hand in hand. Ten GIL says they came with a group of friends and then met each other. That's what seems to be the standard here. Yet here I am-

"Are you ready to order, miss?"

"Huh?" I jump a little and fumble with the menu. I haven't even given it a second glance. "Sorry, I'll- uh…" Why can't I manage to order from a restaurant successfully?

"Sorry, but…" my waiter cuts in, "you look familiar to me. Sorry if I'm wrong."

Looking up I see the person I'd come here for. For a brief second there's a flicker of joy in me and then crushing guilt comes to wipe over it. I suddenly remember how he looked at me when I left him last time. Running off after answering a call to head to Junon.

I don't think about what happened there.

"Was I wrong?"

I swallow and shake my head. "No. I'm Cecilia. It's okay if you don't remember me, Tobias. Really-" Already my mind is racing. I don't want to be here. I could just call Shinra and quit my vacation and come back when Calvin can come with me. Maybe Cosmo Canyon or something. Theres no way Tobias wants anything to do with me anymore. Not now that he knows who I am. I'd been stupid to overlook that major detai-

"Oh right! Cecilia!"

I force a smile. Perfect. He remembers me. Now theres really no running. Tobias glances down for a second and his face darkens. I look away. He remembers too. Of course he does. How couldn't he?

Opening my mouth I think I'm going to say something along the lines of: "Don't worry I was just leaving" or, "I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm sorry you have to see me" but he's cutting me off saying brightly:

"Are you stuck on what to order? I think I know something good that you'll like. Do you want more time or just trust me?"

His face is open like it was when I first met him. There's nothing he's hiding right now. I don't understand it but I'm saying, "I'll trust you." Maybe I just have come to not trust people because of all the lies I see in their faces since I joined the Turks, but I can't help but trust this one person. Even over something as simple as dinner.

Tobias grins and assures me that I will love what he gets me.

Soon enough he's brining me back a baked salon over some pasta covered in some sort of white sauce and I have to admit it's delicious. Tobias waits on me graciously and then as he brings me a small plate of something sweet he sits down with me.

"Don't you have a job to be doing?" I ask.

"Nope, shift ended about the time I got you that second glass of water."

"You could have gone home," I tell him.

His grin reaches right up to his eyes and my face gets a little hot. "Nah, couldn't leave you hanging on dessert. If I remember right, you're useless at ordering."

"Am not," I say stuffing my face with whatever it is he's brought me. Of course it's delicious too.

"Are too, and if you're wondering, it's called Baklava. Who's to say I'll be here to feed you next time."

I allow myself a small smile and soon enough Tobias is telling me new stories since the last time we saw each other. Most of them are cheerful enough, people getting things spilled on them, the time he had to fill in for the cook and found out he did in fact not have a hidden talent in that field and having people on the beach ask him to fetch food for them because they recognized him. I laughed hard at that story. Then, there were the sad stories. The ones about what Shinra does to people. The stories about the poorest of the poor that I know all to well about. I remain stone faced through these stories. It's something I've learned to do.

With a laugh Tobias keeps talking and I like it when he talks- just not about Shinra. Vacation is supposed to take me away from that. Then before I can stop myself I'm asking what I know I have to get off my chest before I can really just settle down and enjoy vacation and enjoy his company: "Don't you remember who I am and what I do? How can you stand me when it's so obvious you hate Shinra."

Tobias lets his smile fade and I feel as though I should regret saying what I did, but I don't.

"When I first met you I had no idea who you were or what you did. Then all of a sudden you're pulling out a phone and saying you were a Turk. Yeah, I was shocked and feeling angry, but I thought of something. Your job doesn't define you. Of course I hate Shinra but who doesn't?" He pauses with a smile and lets that first bit sink in and he keeps talking, "Let's say you hadn't pulled out your phone. You still would have been a Turk, I just wouldn't have known. To me you were-" and he trips up over his words. Something I really don't expect from him.

"Tobias-"

"To me you were someone I wanted, still want, to get to know better and it wasn't like you were rude or mean or trying to kill me, you were _you_. Just another person. Your job hadn't changed that and why should it matter what you do for a living? You're still you in the end, right?"

I swallow the lump in my throat and my face is hot. I'm sure he can see it too because he's grinning away like a fool. I remember thinking something along those lines. I remember thinking that I was still going to be me, but in truth I think I'm changing. Over that though though is one much more girly and one much more embarrassing.

Reaching over Tobias takes a piece of my Baklava. He looks me right in the eyes and there's something about how he does it that makes me nervous in a way that's different than what I'm used to.

"So?" he says, "do you want to get to know me too, Cecilia?"

I know if it was Reno he'd be asking for something much more intimate, but not Tobias. He genuinely wants to get to know me. He's willing to throw the fact that I'm a Turk out the window and get to know me. I can see that there's something more behind that as well. It's not a whirlwind romance, but I couldn't expect that. That's not what happens, but this is sure close. So of course I'm saying:

"Yeah. I would like that, Tobias."

* * *

><p><strong>Rejected ideas:<strong>  
>1. For some reason, originally I wanted Reno to just barge into Tsengs office in chapter one and get confused over who exactly Cecilia was, and for some reason kiss her? Then from there I was going to have their relationship flirty with Reno just kissing her whenever as a sort of joke, I guess? And of course grow into real feelings from there.<p>

2. One person who reviewed my story (bubbletea828) said that Cecilia reminded them of Cissnei and I was super tempted to just be like: SURPRISE CECILIA IS ACTUALLY CISSNEI.  
>Because in Crisis Core Cissnei does say that she never told Zack her real name and Cissnei is close enough to Cecilia that she would be able to respond to it without question quickly and easily.<br>I thought it might be… I don't know… pointless? So I decided against it but I was super tempted for a while.

3. Another rejected idea was to have Tobias be the leader of AVALANCHE. But I had no idea how that would work or anything so it got kicked to the side.  
>Another half of of why it got kicked to the side was because if Tobias was the one who was the leader of AVALANCHE I had plans to have him killed by Cecilia. But I couldn't do that to my own character.<p>

4. I wanted them to go to the North Crater but I didn't know what they'd do there, but then I thought it would be super smart to send them to the lost city of the ancients but I didn't know what to do with that either so I chucked those places out the window. I wish I could have made them go to Cosmo Canyon, or the Gold Saucer and get a part in the play but that seemed way too unlikely to ever happen soooo….

* * *

><p><strong>Character appearancedrawings:**  
>I never mentioned what everyone looked like because I know when I read books I throw the authors description of the people out the window and I imagine them how I like them. So, I decided to save myself the trouble and not describe what everyone looked like and let YOU do that.<br>Of course though I have my own headcannons so… yeah. These are my drawings of them.  
>I should warn you I can't draw Reno or Rude. Especially not Rude. Oh god he's terrible. These drawings are riddled with anatomy mistakes and places where you can see I got lazy and said "fuck it".<br>Keep in mind when I say coloured, I mean block coloured. Also if you'd like to request a drawing to be coloured half decent I can do that, just PM me or send a review and I'll notify you when it's done. Just come back here and click the new link for the picture.

Some things I've drawn:  
>Cecilia crying in front of Reno (coloured)<br>Cecilia with bandages on her head (coloured)  
>Reno Rude and Cecilia(who is for some reason way too short) in beach wear (line art)<br>Tobias (coloured)  
>Tobias and Cecilia at the beach (half- coloured)<br>Cecilia's eye (coloured)  
>Horrified Cecilia face (line art)<br>Crazy psychopath Cecilia? (line art)  
>Reno doodle (coloured)<br>Rude? (line art?)  
>Cecilia doodles (line art, and one coloured)<br>Various splotches of colour  
>RenoRude apartment layout  
>Cecilia apartment layout<br>Here's the link:  
>http :  / i129 . photobucket . com / albums / p209 / shinai _ 01 / things . png

* * *

><p><strong>Questions:<strong>  
>"Why'd they take a car to Junon and then a boat to Costa Del Sol when then could have taken a helicopter? I mean, they took one back."<br>A: Because I wanted to throw them in a boat. Yup.

"Do Reno and Cecilia get married?"  
>A: I have a feeling they would have talked about it, and decided not to. Their jobs make that kind of hard. Besides the Turks, at a wedding? PFFFT AHAHAHA<p>

"So… no kids?"  
>A: Probably not. I mean, every time they go on another mission, they have the chance of not coming back. They couldn't do that to their kids. Besides can you REALLY see Reno being a father? Nope. Chuck Testa.<br>I think Cecilia would want them and Reno would like her to have them, but they wouldn't take the chance of dying on them.

"No deleted scenes?"  
>A: I can't find them. I have a habit of naming files: "jkghsajkghsg" so… yeah. I would put them here if I had them. Once I find them I'll put them up.<p>

"Are you going to fix up the chapters?"  
>A: Yep. Sooner or later.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>One last thing:<strong>

This story was fun and yet also very frustrating to write once I stopped playing FFVII and lost interest for a while- but I told myself that if I wanted to be an author I couldn't just give up, so I pushed through look at what I've done!

Thank you so very much for sticking with me until the end. I'm very proud to have finished this story, and I hope you enjoyed it as well!


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